Terrible mum

[Worriedfirstmum]

I terrified I'm go in to be an awful mum. I always swore I was never going to have kids as I didn't want to turn out like my parents. Bit of context as a child I was shoved between parents, both disappearing from my life for months to years. Both were very angry parents, my dad use to beat me quiet badly, while my mum Was an expert manipulator, she can still be like it now and my dad doesn't really bother a phone call once a year for about 5 min. I desperately wanted a family and me and my husband are in the perfect moment to start one, I'm currently pregnant but how will I no what to do, they weren't the best role models as parents what if I end up just like them. Anyone felt like this. Any advice welcome

I find that step one of being a good parent is worrying about if you're a good enough parent so you have already checked that box!

I don't think how we are as parents is set in stone from how we were brought it up - being self-aware can change how we parent I think! There are big age gaps between myself and my siblings, so I've seen how my mum has parented differently at different times in her life, where she's repeated behaviour because she's not addressed particular issues but also where she's grown as a person due to self-reflection and learning from her mistakes.

My mum was more than a bit rubbish. I only realised how much when I had mine.

My parenting touchstone is to think what my mum would have done, and then to come up with something else.

Sounds to me like you will be fine, because you can see that your parents weren't.

I know I don't know your parents but by the sound of it they are narcissists. Maybe some light googling about narcissist parents will help assure you that you are not like them

I find that step one of being a good parent is worrying about if you're a good enough parent smile so you have already checked that box!
I agree with this. I've parented differently from my mum and have a much better relationship with my dd's (eldest 14) than the very negative one i had with my own mum. Lots of praising/thanking for the behaviour i want to encourage it and making them feel loved works much better than just criticising, shouting/smacking and generally being a bully which just made me angry and my behaviour worse.