Help! Girl sending sexual texts to 13-y/o son

[Nevertoolate14]

My son is nearly 14 and has recently started with his first girlfriend he sees at school. She’s in the year below.
We randomly check his phone (he knows this) and I’ve been so shocked and sad this week to find that this girl - who seems perfectly nice in person - is persistently trying to sext him.. making salacious remarks and trying to get him to talk sex almost constantly. “You’re the only person I want to shag”, “my friends say you should make me cum on the slide at the playpark”, “shall I tell you about how short my shorts are..” etc etc ....
Thankfully every single comment was shut down immediately by him by changing the topic or just saying ‘oh ok’ then making his excuses to go offline.
I was so angry at first but cooled off, took him for a walk and we chatted about it. I asked him about her and his feelings for her and what he thinks about her texts. He said he finds it “annoying” and that he really likes her. He says this is typical of how the kids talk to each other at school. I think he has realised that this is not ok, and gradually we are separating out ‘mum and dad just don’t want me having a girlfriend’ from ‘mum and dad don’t want me being sexual on text with my girlfriend at this age’ but it has taken a lot of difficult conversations and heartache on my part. I’ve just felt like his bubble of innocence has finally burst and I’ve been jettisoned into the world of parenting a teen.
I don’t want to be monitoring his phone but until he’s 16, I will be, periodically. He’s not allowed to delete anything and I’ve told him he will never get into trouble for what someone else says or does but that he also needs to reset some boundaries with the girl.
He sent her a msg yesterday asking her to stop referring to her body and sex all the time and that he just wants to get to know her for who she is.
I was proud of him but it was almost word for word what I’d suggested so I’m not sure how much he meant it lol!!
Can anyone who has been in a similar situation help me? I don’t have friends with teens this age and I don’t want to be ‘that’ controlling mother but I can’t shake off the feeling a 12-year old girl shouldn’t be doing this... it feels like baiting him. My DH pointed out if it was a boy texting our daughter, we would have contacted his parents by now!
Thoughts? Advice?

I would absolutely contact the parents. As you say, if a 13 year old boy was texting your daughter asking her to make him cum on the slide etc you’d be (I hope) right onto it.

What is different this way round? The flip side is of course that it will completely ruin the relationship for your son as the girl will undoubtedly be really cross that his mum spoke to her mum about this. From where I’m standing that doesn’t look like a bad outcome tho.

Hopefully your son will leave girlfriends for a few more years.

I can't help but agree with your husband. I also don't think it is entirely normal for kids this age to be sexting in this way. Because of this I would have safeguarding concerns about the girl involved.

If you don't feel comfortable talking to her parents directly you could contact the school for advice.

Your son sounds like a lovely lad and you handled it well.

You are doing really well OP! It sounds like you have a very good relationship with him. Yes to checking his phone I think, he is still only young. Your DH does have a point and a 12 year old girl should be made aware of the fact this isn't appropriate. I would certainly consider taking screenshots and maybe having a chat with her Mum.

Contact the school - a huge safeguarding red flag there. I wouldn't want to give those at home a heads up tbh.

My partner is head of my pastoral at a big comp and frequently deals with stuff love me this. It’s a potential( if not actual) safe guarding issue. I just asked him and he says some others in his team wouldn’t be so skilled at tackling it, so you might not get the results you want. approach asking for advice Is your best bet.
Your son sounds lovely though, intelligent and right minded.

Sorry meant to say if you get poor results from one member of pastoral care go up. So if the tutor doesn’t sort it go to house head etc. But if you use the word safeguarding they will listen.

I’m a youth winter so have been involved in situations like this before. I would be honestly concerned for the girl and so would encourage you to hand it over to someone you trust at the school. Im also impressed with your son though and his maturity in not engaging with her. Behaviour like that wants to postiviely reinforced so you might want to consider bringing him into your thought process with regards to the school (though perhaps not telling him the name of the person you are going to talk to). He might not like your choice but treating him with maturity underlines the message that you are training him to eventually be able to deal with these situations himself as he gets closer to adulthood.

I would contact the school. Ds had similar in yr 9 and it was handled very well.