Telling off my 15 month old / he just laughs.

[lazymumsmh]

My DS is a lovely, happy little boy interested in everything. He's now walking with confidence so he can reach things he couldn't before, like my plants and the bin!

He seems to thrive on attention, whether its good or bad and sometimes he appears to do "naughty" things on purpose - like trying to pull a plant pot down whilst staring me in the eye, or whacking the dog with one of his toys whilst laughing at looking at me. I try to deprive him of attention in these situations by simply moving him away (sometimes into a corner) and saying "no" and then walking away. Sometimes though, he just laughs. I have gotten cross with him in the past and shouted "NO" but he just roars with laughter.

I'm worried I'm not disciplining him (if you can discipline a 15 month old) properly, and I'm worried he has no fear of being "told off"

Is this normal? Am I doing the right thing?

Totally normal. Keep saying no, moving him and not engaging much whilst you reward positive behaviour with more attention. He is too young to really discipline yet.

It does sound normal, and I think you are treating it correctly. Consistency is key.
try getting down to his level, looking him straight in the eye, and saying 'no' very clearly, and then remove him (and any 'weapon' if applicable)

I would say though that he is far to young to have any real concept of danger - eg pulling a plant down might result in the pot hitting him on the head. It really is best to remove as many dangers/temptations out of harms way. They are only trying to learn at that age.

I remember my now 5yr old at that age. I’d say no and she’d screech at me!!

You can't really discipline a 15mo. They have no concept of 'naughty'. Doing it again while watching you isnt naughtiness, it's hypothesis testing. 'The last time I did this mummy made a big noise, does that happen every time I drop it?' The book The Scientist in the Crib is very interesting for this kind of thing.

At this age you don't really discipline, although you can keep making it clear what the lines are by being consistent. You just remove them or take away their opportunity from situations where they might hurt themselves or others. Don't beat yourself up for shouting, we all get frustrated sometimes, but its utterly pointless as is attempting to scare him or 'tell him off'. You just keep them safe and wait until they are 2+ and you can start to teach them the concepts.

No advice I'm afraid OP but my 15 mo is exactly the same!

Mines the same totally normal, I'm going with removal and distracting for now as saying no or ah ah results in trying to get me to repeat it

Tbh I wouldn't waste my breath,I'd just move him or the object out of the way. At that age they have no concept of right or wrong .

No other advice to offer op , but kids that age are just hilarious , even when they're being tricky.

Mine pulls his socks off and tries to squeeze tears out when I say no to him. He's got nothing on his big sister who was the queen of tantrums as a toddler.

Consistency and lots of praise for good play are the ways forward as pps have already said.

Don't shout at him. At this age they will repeat and repeat actions as they try and work out consequences. It's not about right or wrong, they cannot possibly understand that. He isn't being naughty at all, and you don't want him to "fear" being told off, you want him eventually to understand why he should do the right things.

You just have to calmly keep repeating, removing, distracting. I find rather than say "no" all the time, use a positive phrase instead (or as well). So for hitting the dog, you could say "gentle with dogname" as you remove and distract.

In your eyes he's looking at you being naughty and doing something he doesn't want to do.
In his eyes he's watching you for a reaction. He's starting to figure out that if he does X (thing you don't want him to do) than you will get up and do something. His smiling is because its a game to him. You are doing what he expects and that's making him happy. It is part game, part science experiment.
It is not naughty. He has no concept of good/bad/danger. He's starting to learn actions and simple consequences - things drop, things bang etc.
Re-frame it in your mind from discipline, to keeping him safe/playing/helping him learn. And babyproof your house.

Totally normal. Another technique is to distract him from the undesirable behavior. So if he goes to bash the tv for instance, just produce a toy or set of keys or something he likes and distract him.
At 15mo they don't really understand discipline and if you make a big fuss about something they generally find it all the more interesting.
Remove any dangerous objects for now, finger guards on doors, etc and never leave him alone with the dog.
Frustrating phase but luckily they are adorable.

Oh yes redirect the hitting of the dog by showing him how to gently stroke or tickle ears or roll a ball to dog. Whichever the dog likes. Reinforce with a saying use kind hands/ gentle hands. This takes some time. Also useful with smaller children.

Thanks everyone. I do know that shouting is no good and I felt awful afterwards (although he was clearly not phased) I'm glad to hear that this sort of thing is normal though. He's my first so I have no idea what to expect really.

Our house is as baby proofed as we can make it, but some stuff we just can't move.

He is too little to understand the concept of being naughty/wilfully disobedient, at his age he can only really follow his impulses (and the main one is curiosity) and lives completely in the moment. So by the same token he won't understand being told off or punished (even briefly) by being moved/denied attention. He's too little to link that with what he was doing, or with your disapproval, so it's a pointless exercise. All you will end up doing is getting frustrated, which tends to lead to you ending up doing something you didn't want to in anger, like shouting. Sometimes babies/little toddlers will look at you for a reaction when they do something they've seen you react to before, but that doesn't mean that they are purposefully doing it or trying to antagonise you, it's just that they are curious again about your reaction.

He's got quite a way to go yet. To be able to make a decision about a course of action based on the concept of it being "wrong" or the potential for adult disapproval or punishment, he's got to:

• Understand cause and effect - one year olds have started to, a bit. Generally they can remember when something good happens and will sometimes choose actions based on this, like pressing a button on their favourite toy to play a tune, and sometimes they will remember something especially bad happening (such as a scary noise) and be wary of a particular thing/experience but won't usually be able to pin down the exact cause of something bad happening, so for example, they will continue to climb the same chair they have already fallen off and hurt themselves, often immediately. Interestingly positive experiences seem to form a much stronger cause/effect link than negative even at this age.

• Understand disapproval - this comes with empathy which comes much later. At the moment he doesn't even understand that you are really a separate person with a separate worldview and potentially a different opinion to him. Apparently you can tell that a child is starting to develop empathy when they start yawning in response to seeing others yawn.

• Be able to make conscious decisions about actions - rather than being led entirely by impulse. At his age everything is based on impulse, not choice. You'll start to notice him make choices the older he gets but impulse remains extremely strong until about four or five years old, and if they are acting on impulse, no threat of punishment/sense of right and wrong comes into it.

• Be able to predict what your reaction might be, and use that as a part of his decision making. Small children are very bad at predicting the future even when it seems very obvious to us. They don't have our life experiences and the set of expectations that we do. They do not yet have "common sense" - they haven't learned it. They don't necessarily know that an instruction is generalised. Even when they have learned not to touch a particular plant pot at home for example, they will not automatically understand that this applies to all plant pots. If something changes in the home environment that might also break the plant pot = forbidden association.

So until he gets those particular things you have to deal with it in a different way instead - I do have more to add but have to go as my baby has woken up - will respond with the rest tomorrow or at the weekend.

Quick run down though - negative reinforcement less effective than positive, which is less effective than meaningful - at this age that means encouraging incompatible behaviours to be repeated/preventing the behaviour you don't want. Later reasoning (I would actually begin extremely simple reasoning/explanations now).

For the moment you control his environment/prevent misbehaviour. From age of 3 parents set the boundaries, child chooses behaviour, but beforehand no point in this approach (no punishment).

Make misbehaviour less appealing by making it more difficult/encourage incompatible things. Model what you want. Prevention doesn't necessarily mean babyproofing but might mean closer supervision.

Consider a "Yes space" (can google).