I need to know he'll be ok, feel like the worst mum

[MrsC90]

Hello everyone,
I have a 20 month old little boy,
Since birth I have used the TV 😪 started with Baby TV Chanel and now CBeebies!!

Some days I'm not even sure how long it's on. I try and blame the fact that I was poorly after birth and also suffer form PND and Anxiety.

He is very well looked after and was an IVF baby so is so precious to us!!

I do take him out everyday to playgroups and play dates, walks and zoos and so much more.
My concern is that I might have permanently damaged his development!?

My question is if I stop the tv now can any effects on tv use be reversed, so basically if I have effected his language/speech or future development by letting him watch TV can the effect be reversed by stopping TV?

I'm worried he's not saying many words? 😪
He says...
Ball
in there
Daddy
Ma ma
Bubbles
Apple
Oh no
Woopsie
Tree
Cheese

(Probs more but my minds gone blank)

I feel so guilty and like the worse mum!!
Xxx

He'll be fine! My ds2 said "Car-stle" and we are proper northerners because of CBeebies. But he got over it. Mum guilt is horrid. If you're out and about and interacting with him as well, I wouldn't worry. Xxxx

Sounds like a decent amount of words for a 20 month old? Although mine is bilingual so I can’t directly compare from my own experience. Relax, I’m sure c-beebies hasn’t done your DS any harm whatsoever and if you’re going out and doing activities every day then that’s great! Just cut down on the TV if you think it’s too much, plan things to do at home instead, maybe buy some new toys and limit it to set windows like whilst you’re cooking meals. Most importantly, give yourself a break, you really haven’t done anything wrong and you shouldn’t feel guilty.

Set a timer and switch TV off after 20 mins.

Per day that is.

Be kind to yourself. Watching CBeebies in between outings and play dates etc is not even in the top 500 worst things you can do to your children. I’d bet my last £ it won’t have affected his development.

I had PND too and definitely relied on tv too much when dd1 was little. She turned out absolutely fine. She was an early talker and achieving well at school.

I’ve got very full on kids. They probably watch a couple of hours a day. I say watch, but it’s more on in the background when they play. 4 year old is a very high achiever, talked early, walked early, potty trained early and read and wrote early, 2 year old said far less than your DS does at 20 months.
In between tv they are taken on outings, read to, played with, cuddled, sung to and generally cared for, along with attending nursery/school.
Honestly don’t beat yourself up.

Love CBeebies in this house- most of time when in the lounge, it’s background noise whilst we play (my LO is also 20months)- at the weekend when home we go out (farm, zoo, park, softplay). She also loves books, in her room she’s always grabbing books and we read lots together. I really don’t think the tv is doing any damage!

My child's first word was 'Peppa'. She's now six and doing v well at school. Do what works for you

I've always let mine watch TV - in between other activities as you describe. They are articulate and bright, have good vocabularies and tbh never stop talking :o

Cbeebies has a lot of educational and interesting programmes, books being read, music - it's really not a bad thing! Obviously if they were sat there 16 hours a day and you never spoke to them that would be different, but that is not what you've done at all. Every parent needs to get on with things and a bit of cbeebies is harmless, honestly.

His speech sounds fine. What about you OP - do you think you still have some anxiety and that's contributing to your worries? I suffer from it myself so I do understand and am not judging you. But a chat with the HV or GP might help you see your son is fine and you haven't done anything wrong at all.

My ds watched TV/iPad solidly for 8 weeks whilst I was laid on the settee with my head in a bucket due to HG.

He’s 2yr1month and knows his numbers to 20 plus all his colours and shapes due to an app (but he does say ‘orange’ with an American accent)

Kids talk when they are ready. Mine were brought up identically. At your dds age, one of mine had a few unintelligible words. The other spoke in full sentences. The older one (with the terrible speech needing intervention from SALT) is now a very intelligent teen.

OP, stop beating yourself up

The media, including this site, is always thinking up lots of ways we can be castigated or made to feel guilty about how we parent. (se upthread 20 minute timer etc)

As with diet, TV watching is fine so long as its balanced with other things. You're taking him out, doing things, interacting with other people, and interacting with him. It will be easier to be less reliant on TV now the weather's changing and you can get out more. Enjoy your little boy. He's going to be fine.

What I would say though is don't assume he needs the telly on to be stay amused without your 100% attention. Leave him to play by himself with toys. Put music or audio stories instead, sometimes.

Despite what people admit, I reckon most kids watch a hell of a lot more TV than the 20 minutes a day some would like you to believe.

I did used to feel a bit guilty when Netflix asked me if I was still watching Ben and Holly it whatever, as it was clearly a sign the TV had been on a fair while, but DS is an only child and I do use it to occupy him or to give him a bit of ‘company’ when I need to.

I can’t get worked up about it TBH.

20 mins on a timer. As if.

We have always had the TV on in this house. I watched it with my DCs and we interacted with it. We did other activities too, and went out and about, but if we were home, it was usually on.

Both DCs spoke early and fluently, with large vocabularies. Both now teens and ha be done very well at school.

I really don't think good TV is bad for children. I think they can learn a lot from it. You will not have harmed your child at all as you obviously do lots of other stuff with him too.

My eldest watched SO much TV. Sure it helped him in the end (cbeebies only, and occasional peppa pig). Was reading by the time she started reception and one of the highest achievers in school. As long as you're doing other things as well I wouldn't worry.

Don't worry and don't believe everything you hear. My DC watched lots of Cbeebies and CBBC growing up and also lots of films on video and dvd. They learned lots from. Balamory and from Aunt Mabel on Come Outside. A lot of the programming is pretty good. (Can't comment on ITV/Sky/Five). They've also had unrestricted access to computer/phone/ipad. They've self regulated which is verboten on MN. Yet somehow they're well rounded, well read intelligent and interesting people. DS is at Oxford and DD did brilliantly in her GCSE mocks.

Your DC will talk when he's ready. As long as you interact with him and do other things too hell be just fine.

20 minutes isn't even long enough to get to the end of some of the programmes!

Op you're fine. You haven't done anything wrong and your ds will be absolutely fine. My dc didn't really start talking until about 2 when they had a sudden "language explosion" where they just seemed to learn loads of new words all at once.

My dc are bigger now but they've learned loads from TV - we explored castles in real life after watching the windy castle thing from Peppa. We went to a real, working mill after seeing that episode of Ben and Holly where Nanny Plum makes the windmill go really fast. We bought magazines based on their favourite TV shows and read the stories and did the puzzles. We bought the merchandise and they played independently, using their imaginations and creating their own storylines. Even now, they're watching and learning from programmes such as the Floogals, Operation Ouch, Inside the Factory, Horrible Histories, Abandoned Engineering, Newsround, David Attenborough documentaries etc etc.

So long as it's not all day, every day, it's fine.

I was going to suggest an audio book too. Or the radio?

My eldest 2 spent more time than ideal in front of cbeebies. They are both at top level University now.

I’m a LP, working FT.

DS (2.6) has to watch some TV/ Netflix etc. (Sarah and Duck, Twirly Woos, Paw Patrol, Thomas the Tank engine, Countryfile, The One Show and Antiques Roadshow are his faves... seriously)... if I’m going to get dinner made, have a shower in the day time, or sort the laundry, without it turning into an epic mission, that takes 6 times longer than it should. I reckon he watches about 45 mins weekdays and maybe 90 mins a day weekends (more if the weathers shit).

And I feel dreadful, but what can i do?! It’s the only way I can guarantee that bit of time I need to do certain things, and do them quickly.

DS is very articulate, excellent vocabulary, super bright and meeting (and exceeding) all milestones - if the TV is damaging him, it’s not showing yet.

I appreciate it isn’t ideal, but of all the things I’m losing sleep over with regard my parenting- this isn’t one.

Hi OP. There’s a lot of consensus here that it all sounds fine for your son. But are you ok? You say you have PND and PNA, and it sounds like you’re beating yourself up for that and blaming yourself for letting your DS watch TV, and catastrophising about its impact... Are you in contact with your GP / IAPT services etc and are you getting what you need?

(PNA sufferer here, had CBT, psychotherapy, btdt!)

You guys have no idea how much better you've made me feel, thank you so much xxx