when to have a baby??

[meowmix7]

Married a year, together nearly 10!

I'm 30 - he's 40 - we have always prioritised travel and have been all over the world together and that's what we tend to spend all our spare cash on!

We have started to settle down a little and have actually started to save towards our future (house deposit fund!) We are making some good progress on this! I find it too depressing to just be saving all the time though so we have been ensuring that every now and then we take a little break from saving and take a trip somewhere !

Having a child is our topic of conversation lately - and when is the right time?? It seems most of our friends are ahead of us in this respect..all either expecting their 1st child or already have children - we really want a baby and think we will aim to start ttc next year (after returning from a big trip we have been working towards for a while)

Am really making myself anxious at the thoughts of how we are going to afford this baby - we are saving like crazy each month towards our house - but I feel we will need to knock the house saving on the head a bit to keep money for me to manage being off work for a year - how will we afford childcare when I do go back to work??

I half feel i'm not ready to give up all my travelling yet or not tbh - but my husband being 10years older than me and feels very ready to settle and go for it with kids (he doesn't want to be a really old Dad!)

Basically i'm wondering how you know it's the right time to have a baby?? (worrying about all the what if's - do we have money etc would probably mean we are never quite going to be ready I suppose!!)

It’s a very personal question. Do you want more than one baby? If yes then I would seriously think about starting when you get from holiday. I have had several miscarriages and I’m painful aware that over 35 the risk of miscarriage and pregnancy/birth increase.

As for how you afford it, you have to cut back in some areas of your life, nice holiday and going out as much are easy targets.

There will always be "what ifs" and there is rarely a "perfect" time for anything, so I would work hard at curtailing this pointless worrying. My opinion, however, is that at your age and if you absolutely want children, the sooner you get started trying to get pregnant, the better.

Also, why would you have to "give up" traveling because you have children? That's just silly.

I really believe there’s always a good reason not to do something, so you should just bite the bullet. The timing will never be perfect.

Timing will never be perfect for a baby there will always be one more big holiday on the horizon , something else to save for etc just go for it !

Just go for it ive just had my 1st baby at age of 30 best thing you will ever do never worry about money.

There's no "right time" to have a baby. First you can't control when it happens. Second it is totally life changing and there's never a convenient moment to have your life turned upside down!

My advice to you is don't get too hung up making rigid plans. The friends who made rigid plans and had expectations around pregnancy, birth, planning for mat leave and lifestyle, etc, were the ones who struggled the most with the reality. Just take it as it comes. And of course you can still travel with DC. Not quite the same of course but definitely not confined to home either!

You can still travel with children. It starts to get a bit more expensive though.

There is no perfect time, but as others have said, fertility starts to decline after around 35, so don't put it off for too long. Your DH's age is a factor too.

I get that he wants to settle down but you don't sound too sure. Do you definitely want to be a mum? It isn't compulsory!

I most definitely want to have a child - I guess in my head I feel like I'm way younger than I am 😂 (if only) and I do suffer with anxiety - and need to plan everything a bit obsessively- so if I am going to red by this time next year - I know I will now need to start my spreadsheets with all the breakdown of costs, practice living off one salary etc so I can feel sure we will manage!!

2 of my best friends have recently announced their pregnancy's and i find myself really excited but also a little jealous of them - so I am definitely getting there with it :)

I do have hopes that we can take our kids travelling with us too - I've no desires to stop doing what we love (obviously cost wise - it will just be less often I suppose - & maybe to less remote type places 😂!

We found that we spent way less money naturally after I had the baby - no more nights out / cinema / eating out etc. All that money previously spent on enjoying ourselves was suddenly sitting in the bank instead and I haven’t felt like I’ve struggled too much money wise, despite being off work. The things we do now cost a lot less! Walks / cafe lunches / play dates etc.

Obviously there are some big costs associated with having a child but we bought almost all things second hand (pram, a pre-owned larger car, cot, toys) and saved an absolute fortune. It really hasn’t been as expensive as i’d thought and I wouldn’t stress yourself out thinking you need to save a huge amount to be able to afford a baby. Your lifestyle and spending habits will naturally adapt.

Echoing the above posters in that there is no perfect time.

I started trying to conceive at 28, found out there were problems and eventually had my baby via NHS funded ivf when I was 31.

This is true @snowpaw - I've been going out much less the last year or so anyway (and noticed how much money I save as a result)

We don't have a car anyway (in London so not necessary) so I'd be walking/using public transport anyway - and I suppose I wouldn't be commuting while on Mat leave or buying lunch and going for after work drinks like I currently do - which again saves money!

Quite happy to get 2nd hand of most things we need to get - or can beg, steal, borrow from friends who are at different stages with their kids!! :)

If we can manage to travel for 6months on a pretty small budget - i'd imagine we can manage financially with a child!

Not gonna lie - I am a little worried that it won't be so straight forward to just have a child when we want - I've seen several of my friends struggle who are quite young - so yes all the more reason to not delay too long!!!

We waited and I'm sorry we did - we ended up needing ivf at 35 after trying naturally failed. I wish I'd started in my late 20s. We have one ivf miracle but I wish we could have another.

We've got a 1 year old and are in our mid thirties, it was the right time for us. We'd done a lot of travelling, work hard at careers, nights out, house sorted etc. Tbh I was absolutely ready to make a change in my life by that point. I think if we'd have had him earlier i would have been more resentful of giving stuff up. We still do a lot of the same things, it's just more logistically difficult with a child in tow!

There's no perfect time. You can travel with kids too, little ones before school age are very flexible! If children are important to your future then sooner is probably better, it isn't easy for everyone to get pregnant and gets harder as you age, also your partner is older - you want to have them through university before retirement ideally.

My DH is 10 years older than me, had my DS1 at 33 (pregnant at 32), due to have DS2 any day now at 36 (pregnant at 35).

There is no right answer to this, the only thing I would say is if you can possibly buy a house before you have a baby I would. Childcare costs impact mortgage affordability a fair bit so if you're close to being able to get on the ladder I'd save as much as possible and do it this year before the holiday. Then TTC when you come back.

We did need savings to get through mat leave. I went back to work part time and somehow we just about manage nursery fees although it's tight!

If I were in your circumstances I wouldn’t wait. Your husband is already in his 40s and sperm qualities starts to decline after 40 and your rate of miscarriage will therefore get higher. If you really want children then you will regret it more than regret not going on holidays. I know people who have waited and then not been able to conceive and wish they had started earlier.

Yes your life will change and you won’t go on holiday as much but I think if you’re serious about having a baby then you shouldn’t wait. You can do holidays later on again, they’ll just be a bit different.

Equally, you shouldn’t feel forced into having children unless you 100% want to. It’s also okay not to have children and pursue other interests and travel the world!

I've done the sums in my usual overly organised planning mode - and know we can definitely manage to pay rent & bills & food from one salary (if we cut right back on a few luxuries!)

We will try and practice living this way for a while (saving one full salary)

we deffo won't be able to buy a house pre baby as we are in London and it is just far to expensive - i'm fine with renting though - not to fussed about this as a deciding factor! (the plan is to eventually move back to home town and buy - house deposit money is in a help to buy ISA anyway and is safe there and isn't really accessible until we need it to buy a place anyway!)

Deffo feeling a bit more positive about it all - needed a bit of a nudge to actually sit down and work out the finances and actually realise this is totally doable - and we likely won't be too broke while I am off work - possible holidays still a possibility - even with child in tow!!