Tips for coping with 2 year olds clinginess/anxiety?

[Alb1]

Il give a little back story incase it’s relevent, DD just turned 2 but she was 11 weeks prem and very poorly when born, only held her once a day (sometimes less) until she was about a month old. She’s had several bouts of being in hospital with various bugs but is now healthy.

Until 1 year old she was on strong heart medication and was the worlds happiest baby, after she weaned off the medication she became much more fiesty and clingy.

She now just continues to get incresingly clingy to the point it’s stopping normal day to day activities on bad days, she only wants me, and wants me to hold her constantly, if I don’t hold her tight enough she will cry, driving the car she will cry because she wants holding, trying to do anything at all not holding her or having her sat on my knee she cries. She will now potter about with me occasionally but soon cries, will play occasionally but normally needs to be sat on my knee. She is very stroppy and cries at everything, she does not like her dad (who is very hands on), she has never even said daddy yet. But when she’s not with me, she’s still your average 2 year old and likes to bond to 1 person, but she plays happily, is settled away from me, no problems at all.

When I take her out she will sometimes interact with people, sometimes won’t but she’s just your average happy 2 year old so it’s not that she’s afraid of other people, she just wants to be firmly attached to me all the time. My DS gets upset by it as she hits the roof every time I cuddle him and will try and fight him off if he tries to sit with me.

At the moment I hold her as much as I can, always reassure her, explain what I’m doing if I’m not holding her etc, but when I do have to put her down (to wee, or cuddle my son etc) I just have to let her cry and reassure her verbally as much as I can. Question is, what am I doing wrong? Is there anything I can do to make her more secure? Will she grow out of it or be so intensely clingy forever? (It’s been a year so far!) She’s a wonderful little girl and I’m happy to cuddle her but I also kind of crave the happy little girl that everyone else gets to enjoy.

That was long, sorry!

Unfortunately she will play up because it's you. Is there anyone you can hand her to? She needs to understand you are not the only one who can give her consolation. Take yourself away if you can. Always keep busy and don't interfere if she's happily playing. You may not do this of course, sorry. Just leave her to her own devices as much as you can. That may not help at all, sorry. But she will want you, need you, if she thinks she can get you. Of course, you want to reward her with attention when she's being good, or has hurt herself, but she shouldn't need to sit with you all the time or pull you away from things you need to get on with. Try to ignore and eventually she may get the message, but it's not cruel,you are still there for her when needed.

My 20month old is going through a phase of "needing mummy" and being quite clingy.

I think what you are doing with the reassurance and talking her through everything is brilliant ( I'm no expert ) I agree, I don't ignore mine or just let him stand crying, I just think they are so so young and are just trying to learn how to cope in the world.

It must be hard with another child also, have you tried sitting on the floor with her to play and she sit literally right next to you, squashed next to you, legs touching and everything but her just on the floor not your knee? Then slowly get a bit of a gap ?
How is she if you put her in the highchair in the kitchen "helping" while you prep tea ?

I can be doing the hand washing and he will come and pull on my leg crying, so I drop down to him and tell him " mummy will give you a big hug then carry on doing the washing" and then I give him a big hug and carry on, if he continues to cry, I go down to his level " what's wrong, why are you upset?" Then "mummy will give you one big last hug, then carry on with the washing, then we can go and play. You go and pick a toy for us to play with " then I give him a big squeeze and carry on. If he continues to cry I just say, " have you picked our toy", " go on Hun, find us a toy"

Someone posted on here once that stuck with me just after having my son. It was something like:-
"I don't want my DC to think I can't be bothered with them when they are sad and only interact when they are happy"
And it really stuck with me

I'm not sure if it's the same as your little one has been through a lot ( and sounds like a little trooper 😍😍) so may need a different approach, but I think like most things, they will "grow out if it" when they are ready. Good luck.