Hello Mumsnetters.
My DD started at an ‘Outstanding’ rated state with a three-form entry primary school in Sussex in March 2017 during the Reception year. She has since then been subjected to continuous bullying by kids which has delayed her learning and she is below national average in literacy. She has not got a learning disability as I’ve recently had her tested. The learning has been delayed by stress.
We have had countless meetings with teachers and Dept/Head teacher however these issues’ fell on deaf ears and we then struggled on for another two years trying to make this work for her.
The Snr Management of this school are male and do seem unlikely to work in such an environment. The Ego of the Head teacher was that of someone who would be better off within the banking community in Canary Wharf, London and seem unsuitable to work in an environment whereby the main audience are women with young children whereby it’s easy to get adoration from this sector in society.
Emails sent to them were replied by very arrogant and rude responses. I actually have about ten or so correspondences with their replies as evidence.
Their attitude generally to these issues were dealt with shitty ‘glib’ emails, patronising meetings/letters whereby they would bully you and turn the issue on to you and not put anything in place to help you or your child so you end up leaving. They lacked empathy and kindness needed to support distressed parents.
Before we started this school, my DD was a happy bright child interested in most activities and she had experienced an early ‘Steiner’ acorns education, outdoor activities and sports which made her self-aware/creative and currently she is not into anything anymore .
What I observed that as we joined at the end of the reception year there was no gaps for friendships with other parents or kids and the parents were particularly unfriendly. There was no integration plan put in place to ease my DD into this culture. On speaking to other ‘late starters’ it seemed apparent that this is the ‘norm’ for this particular school.
Being a positive parent, I decided to invite children from the class back to our house for playdates and picking up their children when they were not available to do so on a number of occasions, however this was not reciprocated. Not too upset by this I felt it was working for at least the children would now talk to her. The parents however were not so accommodating and still carried on in their cliques, ignoring us when we walked past, not being invited to activities and when there was a re-shuffle of the classes in the year group and not one child requested that she be put in the class with her and her only other friend left.
DD was very sad when this happened and now the same issues had started to appear again with a new class though now the parents don’t even respond to invites and seemly ‘ghost’ you and my feeling that the same pattern will be repeated again of being ‘excluded'..
The school went on and on about ‘a learning community’ which I never felt part of or actually experienced when we were there and still to this day, I don’t understand what this was as I never felt in the two half years there part of this culture even though I tried through Volunteering on many occasions to try and fit in.
The playground seems to be dominated by white middle class educated families whereby the mothers don’t work anymore however form tight cliques and exclude anyone who seems a threat and judgemental of other parents.
The playgrounds’ self-serving idiosyncratic ‘Queen B’ of the school has control over this including all school events and is dominant on every local social media platform within the local area seeking approval from her audience. On replying to a post on the Year group Facebook page I was immediately ‘trolled’ by her and another to humiliate me in front of the year group online . Any suggestions for the year group were also met with a critical response from key figures in this clique. It’s so predictable and I was actually quite humoured by this character as I know they exist up and down the country!
I even suggested a ‘coffee' morning group however this also was rejected by the Snr teachers. Its aim was to connect my child with other children.
Personally, I have been bullied by these women whereby several have complained about my son to Snr staff without speaking to me and then started gossip and rumours.
Someone has also hacked my DD's email account . Emails from the school Inbox/Sent have been deleted. This was the one I used to communicate with the school and it’s currently being investigated by my phone provider and the local Police.
Many these women volunteer and work for free creating income for the school however they get away with bullying/excluding other parents and these parents leave . I’ve watched this happen over the past few years to other families. One mother even described the culture as a ‘cult’ and has also left due to bullying.
I’ve even had a conversation with a former TA who worked there and said they don’t care about the Social emotional relationships only on getting high SATS that give the school it’s cheap status and bullying is swept under the carpet and families just end up leaving.
My observations here, are schools are becoming parent led? Whereby because they bring in an additional income from the parents’ pockets for the school and the Snr Management turn a blind eye to this bullying culture and choose who they like and push out anyone who challenges the status quo. I think a policy here needs to be urgently changed, more money given to schools to increase school management teams. A fund-raising/events manager, Councillor or Parent Liaison Manager to help with issues such as the one’s I’ve described. Otherwise they ‘fail’ pupils causing distress and upset to parents.
Schools that have been previously awarded an ‘Outstanding’ status be monitored afterwards as the standards have definitely slipped in this case.
There appears to be a high turnover of kids leaving and the playgrounds are becoming more dominated by the SEND kids and skilled unemployed parents who volunteer and work for FREE!
Since writing this I’ve actually left this school and put it down to a bad experience. I’m hoping the new one entry form school will be better and my DD will be happy again.