My child is violent and hurting me.

[Nowayout1971]

She is 10. It's like a mist comes down and I know how it will turn. She will find anything to hit me with or throw at me. I ache after this evening.

You poor thing. Is it a hormonal thing or has she always had trouble with her temper?

Do you have any family support?

She has done but past year or two ok. We have done counselling and it helped. She is in my bed now because she said she will kill herself tonight. Asleep now but I will be afraid to close my eyes

My husband is here but neither of us know what to do. You can't hit back, you can't leave her alone incase she hurts herself so I get the brunt

Tomorrow there will be tears, sorrows, promises never to do it again buy it's getting harder to forgive or hide how I really feel. She is only 10. I don't want her to see me crying or upset the next day

What supports have you sought?

Is she remorseful?

What's your situation, I mean is there anything likely triggering this in her.

Has she started puberty and how long has she been this way?

I would get urgent further counselling support for her as you say it helped. Can you access the same counsellor again?

This sounds like a bigger and more serious problem than can be fixed with counseling. She may have a serious physical or mental problem- not just bad behavior.

My DD does this but it's getting less atm thank God. She has adhd and on the waiting list for autism. Keep a dairy of everything that sets her off and see if there's a pattern like too tired? Hungry? These set my DD off

Tiredness can be an issue. She had her friend in for a sleepover last night. They were all out playing today and she had a row with that friend and put her hands on her I brought her in for the rest of the evening knowing this was going to happen but I couldn't let her raise a hand to her friend. She has mild learning difficulties, very mild and short term memory problems . She also has an autoimmune disease. I knew once I brought her in and took her screen she was going to lash out. A slap in the back with a hanger. A few wallop to the face and a brush thrown at my head and hear I lie watching her sleep

Sounds exactly like my DD keep strong and punish when she does. not in the moment but when shes calmed down a bit. Punishments dont seem to work when DD is heightened so we talk after when the tears are flowing but if DD hits her phone is taken for a day. I mostly ignore it too when it's happening as a reaction makes it worse walk away as much as you can. Dont be afraid to even just go into garden to have a minute breather. When DD 7-8 it was the worst years. Getting better at nearly 10. Spend some time together so it's not all just bad to make sure the relationship isn't damaged.

Mine did the same: again, she had a chronic health problem, also severe anxiety. (no learning difficulties though) Stopped around the age of 10.

I seemed to spend a lot of time restraining her and repeating again and again: "No, I cannot let you hurt anyone, no, I am not going to let you hurt anyone." Later on she did become suicidal.

But she is now grown up: she is living independently and is getting on fine training for a demanding career. She is on anti-depressants and will probably stay on them for the foreseeable future but that is ok as long as she is ok.

I did not punish after the event: I got the impression she hardly knew what she was doing during a meltdown and she has later confirmed that she couldn't really even recognise people when she was at her worst: it felt like some hideous monster was attacking her and she had to defend herself. So it didn't seem fair to punish any more than I would have punished for lashing out in a delirium. (incidentally, she gets delirious really quickly with even a slight fever)

I grew up with a sibling doing very much the same, though they are not biologically related: in his case, it was almost certainly adoption trauma. Again, came to an end around the age of 10- after the time when he nearly laid our father out cold. And he has grown up into a very lovely adult with absolutely no problems re violence.

And he has grown up into a very lovely adult with absolutely no problems re violence.

That's good to hear corythatwas! I'm hoping to adopt, and one of my biggest fears is pouring my life into a child who becomes violent beyond control.

OP that's really not normal behaviour. You need to seek help. I'm not sure where? School maybe, social services, or the GP? Don't leave it though.

There are anger management strategies you could try? This sort of thing might be worth a go:

Giving her a balloon to blow up, and when it's full of air, let go and chase, is a good way of calming down and releasing endorphins.

Do pursue help though, none of you should have to live like this. Good luck!

I have a violent child. It is heartbreaking and do hard to cope with
Hugs OP
Practical things that have helped are internal locks so I can get behind a door. Most are keypad but my bedroom is a yale
Do you ever call the police? Some are very good. It might be worth talking to them
SS can talk to the police and get your house flagged as DV
Non violent resistance is a programme to help parents. It has proven strategies but it a big commitment. There are books, face to face and online training. SS will fund in some cases
Do you have Camhs involvement? I know they are not all good