I feel like a total fraud being on this site as I’m not a parent and I’m not an official step parent but here goes....
I have two “step children” aged 15 (girl) and 11 (boy), and I have been in their lives for 3 years. Myself and their dad have lived together for 2 and a half years. We see the children nearly every day, even if it is just for a couple of hours.
Recently I have been finding it very hard with the 11 year old boy (he only turned 11 on Friday). He has always been a bit of a handful since when I first moved in, clenching his fists and yelling in my face when I asked him to do the most simple of tasks, like moving his wet towels off the bathroom floor. It took about 3 months and things started to get better, his dad (my partner) always backed whatever I said, and would say things to him like “if you’ve been asked to do something, you do it” so things were great. Just the usual behaviour of his age, up until recently.
I feel like I am coming up against a brick wall at every angle. His attitude towards me has completely gone south, I feel that he is being rude and pretty arrogant. This all started a few week back when I went into his bedroom and found a huge amount of rubbish down the side of his bed and shoved in the storage part of the bed base. Honestly, it was minging. There was a sandwich wrapper dating back to November and it is there were left over crusts. He knows food and drink isn’t allowed in his room and that’s always been the one and only house rule. Fast forward 2 weeks, after he got a bollocking from me and his dad, him having to gut his room and scrub and sticky marks, I go into his room to find more rubbish down the side of his bed. When I asked him about it, he just did the usual grunt when he doesn’t know what to say and couldn’t look at me when I was speaking to him.
I’m not really a house proud person but I keep the house as clean as possible, just like everyone else who has a full time job. I just feel like I’m being taken the piss of, to the point where I don’t want to do anything for him. I asked him why should I go and support him at his football games every Sunday when he can’t follow one simple house rule. Of course there was no answer.
I know this is all a bit long winded, but I’m starting to dread when the kids are coming round. And I don’t know what I can do to try and get over this hurdle. I feel like anything I try and do just gets thrown in my face. I just thought, by now, all these kind of issues will be well and truly over...
I kind of feel that my partner doesn’t know what to say or do because in a way he feels guilty that it’s his child that making me feel so down and upset.
any suggestions will be greatly appreciated x