My baby is turning into a toddler and I'm lost!!

[MustBeAWeasly]

I thought I had the hang of this baby thing. But dd is nearly one and I'm starting to see I'm going to have to do some actual parenting and I'm lost. Do they understand simple requests at this age?

Example she's throwing her food off her highchair, I'm saying stuff like, no eat it please or leave the food in your bowl. Everytime I say no she grins and shakes her head, so I'm not sure she understands yet?
She's also started screaming the place down when I leave a room or try to take something off her and I don't really know how to deal with it.

It feels like everything's changed in the last month

Get a book like Toddler Taming

She probably understands but doesn’t want to do it. She will no impulse control so can’t help it.

The screaming is separation anxiety.

@tigerquoll thanks I'll take a look

@99calmbeforethestorm I'm not expecting her to stop I know it's normal I'm just worried I'll be saying no and upsetting her when she has absolutely no idea what I want her to do. Then on the other hand I don't want to start not saying no and be that mum who let's her kid climb the walls
There's also a chance I'm way over thinking things

Don't worry the overthinking should stop soon, the joy of toddlers is they don't give you a minute to overthink. They also learn much quicker then you expect so do start letting her see that there are rules and boundaries, of course she'll get upset sometimes and then she'll get over it and get on with the day.

Her shaking her head and grinning is because she just can't help herself. She's having a lot of fun doing the stuff you don't want her to. You may find that gets worse up to around the age of 2 or so. Like she'll look at you and smile as she does something 'wrong' to see what your reaction is. Can she get away with it or is mummy going to stop her? What about if she does it again straight away after mummy told her no? Will mummy stop her again? What about a third time?! Or she'll laugh in your face when you try and discipline her because your face and voice sound funny when you get serious with her.

All you can do is be consistent with your reactions, boundaries and rules. It will take her a long time to learn what is and isn't ok but with your help (and lots of patience!) she'll get there. Sure she may not like it when you stop her doing stuff but she'll get over it pretty quickly as PP have said. Google 'Reasons why my kid is crying' if you want a laugh!

My DS turned 2 last week and is only now just starting to take note of all the stuff I've been educating him on for the last year or so. Btw, discipline doesn't really do much before 18 months so punishing her is not the way to go because she won't understand. Distract her from bad behaviour or remove her from a situation to stop her doing the unwanted action. You can also start now by saying "We don't do that but we can do this instead" if you're worried about her being confused over what you want her to do.

For example you could say "We don't throw shoes. We throw a ball." . We used that one a lot when my son went through a phase of throwing his shoes around like missiles! We would calmly take the shoe away once he'd lobbed it and give him a ball instead. He just wanted to throw stuff because it was fun to him so we showed him what was acceptable to throw. Throwing is fun after all when done right! They're just learning everything from the ground up

The throwing the food off the high chair is a definite phase. Keep telling her to stop (but don't get cross about it- theres no point winding yourself up!!) and she will eventually stop. I thought dd never would but she did at some point and now very helpfully hands me the plate when shes done and helps tidy up her tray. I have no doubt though that that too is just a phase!!

throwing the food off the high chair is a definite phase absolutely! When my LO first started doing this I thought I was raising a terror, but she soon enough grew out of it.
You are very much overthinking telling her "no"- the best way for them to learn is to talk to them as you would if they fully understand, EG. if they start hitting, say "no, nice hands" etc.

All behaviour is communication. Try to consider what she's telling you. Like a PP said, if she's throwing shoes perhaps she's saying 'I want to throw stuff' or 'I do/don't want to go out'. If she's throwing her food on the floor perhaps it's 'I don't want this' or 'it's fun to see what happens when I drop stuff' or 'I like mummy's face/voice when it do this' etc etc. By doing this you can offer alternative options which are more appropriate