Help me to enjoy spending time with my baby

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I love my 6 week old baby but I don’t always like her. I find myself often getting cross or irritated with her, often for no reason I don’t get any enjoyment from her and I feel dreadful about it. I feel like me and DD are biologically inferior. I don’t want to feel this way.

I think it stems from not being able to breastfeed her. I felt really in awe of her and besotted with her up until a week or so ago when I gave up attempting to breastfeed her. I had hoped up until then that we’d have cracked it and all would be dandy up until that point. (I don’t know if it’s not being able to breastfeed that triggered the feelings or the PND that’s making me obsess over that). The announcement of a pregnancy on DHs side has made me spiral.

I keep comparIng what we have in comparison to DHs relatives who have a baby a few months older and they have so much more...and she could breastfeed. Another of DHs relatives is pregnant and I’m super happy for her but there will be constant comparing of their kid and mine and I know mine will just come up as inferior, they always have the best of everything in their minds 🙄 but in this instance I can’t see how my DD could ever compare or how she’ll be so awesome if she has a different birth to what I had. I feel like I failed giving birth as I had to be induced and chose an epidural.

I know they are only little for so long and I want to cherish this time. Atm I’ve just written her off. I’m gong to the drs tomorrow but I know that antidepressants aren’t going to make me instantly like her so I would really appreciate some bonding ideas. I’ve googled some but I don’t see a lot of them working. She hates skin to skin as I always get her at the wrong time. She has reflux which doesn’t help.

I'm really sorry you're feeling like this. And know you're not alone - I think lot of parents feel like some degree of this (though it's not always easy to admit)

Definitely speak with your GP about how you're feeling. Anti-depressants might help, but I'd suggest that talk therapy would be even better. It can help to just talk aloud to someone about how you're feeling and ways to help. X

You don't dislike her, you are just having a really hard time. Birth is tough, breastfeeding is tough. You do what you need to do to get them into the world. Ir sounds to me you are being WAY too hard on yourself! You managed to push her out and you also gave her a great start by breastfeeding. Give yourself a break!!! And don't start comparing!!! Their baby might grow up to be just like them

Stick with it. You're definitely not inferior - remember that a lot of folk are only broadcasting their best news on social media.

Definitely see you GP. I regret not doing so.

I had two things that worked well when ds1 felt like a parasitic alien who'd come to fuck up my life: get out of the house every day, even if you don't make it until night time.

And the magic formula of three good things. This is really hard at the start but you have a daily conversation with someone (in my case my DH or DF) and tell them about three good things that have happened. Mine started really small - I got out of the house, I had a shower, ds1 had a nap. As time goes by they can get bigger. It's good for digging you out of a hole and I used to make one thing be a ds1-thing so that I focused on something positive every day and made sure I fixed the system so something good happened.

Good luck and stick with it. It gets better.

The way they're born and formula/breast milk matters little in the long run, you certainly can't tell who had what. Keep reminding yourself that, even if you don't believe it yet.
Reflux is so so hard, by the way. Try putting her bed at a slight angle, talk to a health visitor about thickened formula if it's really bad. The good news is it tends to go away around their first birthday at the latest, it doesn't last for ever.

Comparison is absolutely the thief of joy. There's no point doing it because you'll drive yourself mad. I remember crying for hours because our boy didn't smile and all babies the same age that I knew were smiling. Same with eating, crawling, walking and talking.

However your baby comes out you're a warrior. However they get fed, you're doing a great job. Have a chat with your GP and your HV. Be kind to yourself.

Thanks all.

I’m feeling much better after sleeping. Me and DD have done some skin to skin and the dr has prescribed stuff for her reflux. We’ve also had lots of cuddles so hopefully more days like this

It's amazing what a bit of sleep can do!!

I had a rough time in the beginning with DS1 (now 16) I found getting out and about, even just a 30 minute walk would lift my mood xx