My kids late driving me crazy.

[zerosanity]

Why do kids not do anything I tell them to do? They literally do the opposite. I tell them they can't wear their good shoes to play out in. They do it anyway. I tell them they need to play on the back when I am cooking dinner and they disappear off to their friends house. I tell them to put their clothes away nicely and they just throw them in. I tell them to stop fighting and they continue to fight. I have tried various ways of discipline like time out, reward charts, taking things off them that they enjoy. When I tell them to finish their dinner even when it's something they like they will throw it out of windows or hide it in a bag or under things in the bin. They can't even follow simple instructions like wash hands after toilet, flush the toilet, brush teeth etc. They steal food they know isn't theirs, they sneak into my room to get their tablets when I have taken them away, they throw rubbish on the floor when there are bins all around the house and make a fuss when they are told to tidy up. I'm losing the will to live I can't deal with this anymore.

(They are my partners kids but they are the same with him) We have literally tried everything with no improvement. We are stuck between wanting to let them go to the park or play on their tablets so they are not making a mess or fighting etc but also wanting to punish them by keeping them in and confiscating their tablets because of their behaviour. Months and months go by and still no improvement and it's really starting to affect my mental health and I'm starting to not want to continue the relationship because I can't deal with the stress the kids bring me.

Any advice?

You (both) need to let them know that you mean what you say.
Pick one thing, and start by working on that.
So, reading your post,
I tell them they can't wear their good shoes to play out in. They do it anyway.......... so what do you do then? What is your response ? They need to be told at that point. Brought back in - or better still, not be allowed out in the first place until you have seen they have on their wellies / old trainers / whatever is allowed. By "letting" them carry on, you are (and have been) teaching them that it doesn't matter what you say as you aren't going to do anything about it anyway.

Same applies to everything, but you might want to pick things one at a time, and actually mean it.

Yeah for example when that happened I didn't see that they had done it until the next day when I saw that those shoes were dirty. So I did reprimand them for it but it just feels pointless because they will only do it again. I want to be able to trust that they will do the right thing not have to watch them 24/7

How old are they?

Might be going against the grain but what you’ve described seems like typical children exploring boundaries. I think we can be too authoritative with children. I just want a child whose happy to have a bath, eat healthy food and the odd treats polite and kind and confident. Think of what the basics you want are, and keep their best clothes safe yourself. What they’ve given access too they should be able to choose to wear or not. If they spoil it, you aren’t getting them more ect. Remember to look at the bigger picture and remember your raising children, try not to sweat the small stuff and look at the good they can do. 👍🏻

They are 9 and 4. 9 year old is more of a problem with not doing what he's asked but the 4 year old follows

How much are you needed. Who would cook their meals, clean the house if you weren't there, are they there all the time.
Why cook a meal if they aren't going to eat it. Give thM s sandwich. If they don't clean their shoes you aren't doing it either send them to school in the dirty ones or their trainers. Turn off the WiFi for a week. If it was me the tablets would be confiscated where they can't retrieve them .
Where is DF when this goes on. If they are as bad when he's there I would leave him. You will have these kids to deal with all your life, scrounging money, needing a roof over their heads (when adult) . Shame as they are prob nice enough under this bravado but if DF can't do it it is too hard for you to fix.

4 and 9 and your partner’s children? Get him to step up and actively parent his own children, and tell him you are thinking of leaving if things don’t change for the better. Not the children. Him.
He and his ex need to sort this out, unless she’s not around for whatever reason. Do they live with you ft? What are they like at school?

Take the leads , not the tablets...
Let them see the powerless object....
Shoes,. Just buy them cheap ones, tell the 9 year old, since you wreck them , I won't buy good ones
Going to friends when told not to, go and fetch them back.... Kids hate that...
Stop arguing with them, you never win...
If you do as I ask today, we will do X tomorrow.... Tomorrow arrives thank them if they were good the day before, if not tell them, we are not doing X as you did not keep your end of bargain...
Oh and start with little one,. Praise massively when good, ignor when bad....unless dangerous....

Agree about the wi go...
Check up how to control the hub...
It is easy, you can lock and unlock devices.

Yes the father definitely needs to step up. He parents from the sofa/bed and doesn't really discipline them enough, and when he does they don't really care because it's not a regular thing they just know they can get away with it. I have made it so the tablets are a treat only now, but when they aren't on them all day they mess around. It's a nightmare. Bought them cricket set, badminton set and tennis set yesterday and they have footballs and bikes and they go out for 5 minutes and then it's back inside asking for tablets. I hate it me, how much young people are obsessed with screens. The dad knows how I feel but I'm pretty sure he lives with depression and he found it very difficult being a single dad before I came around. But I do all the cleaning and cooking and it's so tiresome having to do all that and look after the kids as well. I need a break :(

So have one. What’s stopping you? He chose to have kids, depressed or not (he hasn’t bothered going to a GP?)he needs to parent them. They’re not your kids, he’s just a boyfriend, there’s no reason to be martyring yourself. Move out, go on a holiday, enjoy your life.