What do you do when there's a very noticeable difference between development in your children?

[HalyardHitch]

Ds2 is 14m. In the last five minutes he's said: tea, tay (table), cha (charger), phone, talk, floor, uh nu (enough), more, milk, fall, hand, foot, ger (again). To me this is pretty advanced and many people comment. Problem is they often comment that my other son who is twelve months older is similar in language development.

He's not quite but at this age ds1 had about two words, maybe like snack and dad. He is only just making two word sentences but not really.

I don't have a problem particularly with the difference but it's not nice for my two year old for people to be constantly commenting.

Has anyone else has such a massive difference? It's so obvious, especially with a small age gap. The eldest currently isn't built to be top of the field as he has some minor medical issues. Once they're sorted I'm sure he'll catch up but j worry his brother will overtake him

That sounds pretty advanced to me...

Second kids can be quicker because they have someone to watch doing stuff. Just make it not a bid deal being able to do stuff etc. See if they can help each other talk, learn build?

I think he is advanced. I'm proud. It's compounded by the challenge of having the two year old who failed his 12m and 2y development check.

The youngest will shout "share" at his brother, for example. He just signed "please, more" and said more.

I'm just concerned about how to deal with it and also what to do with his two year old brother

My son was like this while his older sister was going to speech therapy. I just did what I think you have to do a lot with kids - breeze through any potential issues while loving them for who they are and their own special traits.

He still talks (A LOT!) more than her, and probably gets more attention as a result from local kids, even my ILs, but I reassure DD without putting too fine a point on it. I'm not aware of her ever noticing but I do it just in case she ever feels 'less' than him somehow.

I actually love that me and her can be peaceful together, and I tell her I treasure that.

That's a fair point. In some ways I prefer my two year old as he's such a sunny boy but two year olds are better than one year olds in many ways. Although one year olds are less gobby...

At this age your 2 year old wont care or notice sibling is more advanced than him. Praise them both on effort as well as doing well.
Might be worried about older childs feelings if it continues as they grow but not yet.

I guess my feelings are also pretty complex over it. I feel more protective over the two year old because of the constant health issues. I don't like to see him struggle and it makes it hard to see his brother exceed so noticeably (I know it doesn't necessarily translate to ability when they're older)

I have twins and this became very apparent when they started school. DS1 free reading in year 1, DS2 only got off the bottom band in year 1.

I explain that some people are good at school things and some people are good at other things. They’re in High school now and there’s still a gap between them, but it doesn’t bother DS2 at all.

Other people comparing them negatively get put straight by me in no uncertain terms.

Smile and say “oh they are both doing great thanks” when people comment.

And just keep encouraging both of them with communication. Find time if you can (and I appreciate it must be hard), to spend sometime on your own now and again with the 2 year old, reading and doing other activities to encourage speech.
Have a chat with your HV if you want some tips.

DS2 is brighter than DS1. There is a 2 year diference, but for example, if DS1(9) is doing a maths question, DS2 (7) knows the answer way before his brother. We focus on strengths.
Just for info, slow to talk doesn't mean behind forever. Mine were both slow to talk, but both successful at school now.

Two year old is just generally behind if I'm honest. He's not delayed, bit just a bit slower. Once we get his medical issues sorted it probably won't be a problem but I guess when you're not feeling great your body will focus on surviving rather than developing.

The HV said I had to talk to him and read books with him she did, however, change her tune after our paediatric appointments revealed the issue.

I think the youngest is showing me that I'm not completely failing as a parent

Mine are 4 years apart and my youngest overtook my eldest in speech before she started school and academically by the time she was 9 or 10.

My eldest has aspergers, a speech disorder, dyslexia and fairly severe co-ordination difficulties. But he’s as clever if not more so than his sister, just having to fight against all his difficulties to show it.

Having his sister coming up behind him did highlight his difficulties quite a lot, tbh I wasn’t aware of some of them until she did things younger and better than him.

I don’t know that there is a right way to deal with it tbh, I tended towards praise for things they could control like effort rather than results...

I’m not sure it was completely successful as DD at 18 can be quite needy with praise and reassurance, but, I don’t honestly know if that’s my fault or not...

The good news is that they’re so little just now that they have no clue about ages or what’s expected - so at the moment it really doesn’t make much difference to them that one is a bit older and the younger one might be catching up, they’re not really aware that that’s a thing...

Oh we know all about this in our house! DD1 (13) has SN and goes to special school. DD2 (11) has ASD and goes to mainstream secondary, but it's taken years to get her diagnosis. DD3 (10) is NT and generally very able. Academically, physically, socially. We constantly have to reset pecking orders, remind the younger girls that DD1 is the older sister, even though she behaves like a much littler sister. We have to remind DD3 that she's the sister of the other girls, not their mother, because she feels too much responsibility, etc.

At their age, the dc will neither notice nor care.
As they get older, then encourage different interests and let each of them excel in their chosen hobby / interest.

There’s 18 months between DS1 and DD.
DS1 didn’t utter a single word until nearly 2.5 years old. DD on the other hand was talking on complete sentences by the time she was 18 months old.
DS1 was still in nappies at 5 (turns out due to muscle tone issues) whereas DD potty trained herself at about 20 months - within a week she was fully dry day and night.
DD could
Colour neatly in the lines at an early age and write and draw lots, DS1 never bothered.
On the other hand DS1 could read pretty much anything by the time he was 3.

DS1 is now 12 and DD nearly 11. DS1 has always been top of his class (reading age of 14+ when he started primary school). DD is bright but just normal. (Although amazing in other things like creativity, social skills etc))
So even though I’m the face of it DS1 was behind in lots of things it has no bearing on how well he’s done at school. Try not to worry about. They are all different.

DS2 was completely different from the other two, he’s very physical, love making things either from wood or Lego. Loved climbing trees and being a ‘typical’ boy.
We’ve patented them all the same and they’ve all had the same upbringing and opportunities

Stop comparing them. They are two different little people.

They are all different I think you just have to go with it and stop comparing. My eldest 2 could barely string 2 words together until they started school. Number 3 totally different and she talked non stop from a similar age to your youngest. She's 18 now and still chatters on and on ...
It's great they all have their own personalities and mine found theirs very early on