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Parenting

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I'm a completely sh*t mummy and need advice

2 replies

BexyJames · 11/04/2019 20:30

I am desperate for advice as I think I've finally lost the plot!
I had a lb (who's now 6) who was my world, fair enough he could be a monster at times but I think I coped quite well with it.

We always wanted a second because my husband is one of 5 and I'm an only child and always hated it so didn't want that for my lb.

5 years and 4 miscarriages later it finally happened and our lg arrived. (she's now 14 months)
This is the point everything started to go wrong and sometimes wish it had never happened!
I didn't realise quite how difficult it would be coping with 2, especially with the lack of sleep.
During my maternity leave lb almost completely came out of child care bar the few hours a week to hold his place as we couldn't afford it and during this time I turned him into a complete shit by having no ability to cope with the 2 of them properly and him getting insanely jealous.

Now been back in part time work 5 months and them both in childcare and he's calmed slightly but he doesn't listen to anything and does exactly what he shouldn't, probably much like any 6 yr old but I keep finding my self yelling at him and completely losing the plot.
Which clearly makes it worse and I am sure I am damaging him as he's now copying and so is the little one but I don't seem to be able to stop as he is driving me completely round the twist! It seems literally everything he does now annoys me!

This little boy who was once my world I could quite often say I hate and in that moment I really don't care, I would never hurt him but I've slammed doors and sent his stuff flying across the room.

I need help as I don't know how to cope with this! I hate myself for being like this and every time I try and be rational and calm with him it lasts maybe one ignoring incident and then I just go back the same!

What the hell do I do, I don't feel fit to be a parent and I don't want to be this parent but I can't seem to stop!

OP posts:
susan82 · 11/04/2019 21:18

You're not a bad mum in the slightest. By bravely coming on here and posting this shows in itself you are a caring parent. I have a DC of similar age and yes they are hard work but lovely at the same time! Do you have anyone who could watch them at a weekend for even an hour while you have a bit of me time and have a break?

chloechloe · 11/04/2019 22:05

It’s really hard, be kind to yourself!

I would recommend two books that are often mentioned on here - How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen by Faber and King and Calm Parents Happy Kids by Laura Markham.

I’ve started reading both but have finished neither (kids!) but have picked up lots of useful tips that make life easier. Whilst it’s easy to get into a downward spiral with kids where they’re uncooperative making it hard to stay cool, if you can find the right way to communicate with them your life will get progressively easier. Both books share a belief that children actually want to be cooperative rather than act up and give you tips on how to encourage it. In essence shouting never gets results. Whilst it’s harder to try and stay cool and turn things into a game, it does tend to de-escalate situations.

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