I am desperate for advice as I think I've finally lost the plot!
I had a lb (who's now 6) who was my world, fair enough he could be a monster at times but I think I coped quite well with it.
We always wanted a second because my husband is one of 5 and I'm an only child and always hated it so didn't want that for my lb.
5 years and 4 miscarriages later it finally happened and our lg arrived. (she's now 14 months)
This is the point everything started to go wrong and sometimes wish it had never happened!
I didn't realise quite how difficult it would be coping with 2, especially with the lack of sleep.
During my maternity leave lb almost completely came out of child care bar the few hours a week to hold his place as we couldn't afford it and during this time I turned him into a complete shit by having no ability to cope with the 2 of them properly and him getting insanely jealous.
Now been back in part time work 5 months and them both in childcare and he's calmed slightly but he doesn't listen to anything and does exactly what he shouldn't, probably much like any 6 yr old but I keep finding my self yelling at him and completely losing the plot.
Which clearly makes it worse and I am sure I am damaging him as he's now copying and so is the little one but I don't seem to be able to stop as he is driving me completely round the twist! It seems literally everything he does now annoys me!
This little boy who was once my world I could quite often say I hate and in that moment I really don't care, I would never hurt him but I've slammed doors and sent his stuff flying across the room.
I need help as I don't know how to cope with this! I hate myself for being like this and every time I try and be rational and calm with him it lasts maybe one ignoring incident and then I just go back the same!
What the hell do I do, I don't feel fit to be a parent and I don't want to be this parent but I can't seem to stop!