Toddler care while giving birth

[Woolly17]

So how do you organise this? What works? What doesn't?

I am pretty sure that during the day it's going to be fine. We have my parents nearby (20mins drive). We have neighbours who could watch DD for an hour or so if my mum is delayed. At weekends we have my sister nearby and other friends as well.

But what do you do if it's in the middle of the night. I don't feel particularly happy asking neighbours or friends to watch DD while we zoom of to hospital. It would be immensely inconsiderate of us.

Last time my waters broke at 00:45 and 3hrs later I had DD in my arms. That's not a lot of time, we barely made it to the hospital. What if it is as fast (faster?) this time??

If it's in the middle of the night I would have a bag packed for your toddler and bring them with you, get your parents to collect from the hospital or might not even be needed if that quick, they will sleep right through it.

My mum and dad are about 15 mins away. Mum packed a small bag with PJs and toothbrush when I got to full term. When I felt a bit niggly like I might be in labour I rang her, rang Labour Ward then rang her again to ask her to head down straight away. We left clean sheets out so she could make up a bed if wanted and left tea / biscuits like you would for any babysitter.

Would your mum or dad be happy to be on standby in the same way? Surely if they're prepared, and it's night time so little traffic, they can be with you in half an hour? If that's not fast enough then you head off in a taxi and DH catches you up? You sound very well supported and in a better position than most. I wouldn't begrudge covering for 30 mins for a neighbour in an emergency while their actual childcare arrived, either.

Ask a friend, make up spare bed for them to climb into. Pack a bag for toddler, clothes and whatever else they might need. Nothing worse than trying to find clothes etc. in a strange house. Make a list of toddlers schedule, what they eat for breakfast, snacks and where you keep it all. What tv programmes they love, how the remote control works, the code to your internet.

I’m in this situation myself but unfortunately we live abroad with no family nearby. (Also my mum died a few years back, otherwise I’m sure she would have flown over). Our only option is for me to deliver the baby alone while my husband looks after our toddler. I’m dreading it but what can we do?

I’m sure your parents will be able to get to your house in time if they only live 20 minutes away even in the middle of the night. Best of luck!

For a one off like a close neighbour going into labour I really wouldn't mind being woken in the middle of the night to help look after the toddler for a couple of hours while waiting for your parents.

We had just this situation recently. Homebirth turned into hospital transfer whilst in laws were on the motorway to us. School run mum from 3 doors down came and sat in the kitchen for an hour till the in laws arrived. She was so delighted to help, and didn't find it inconsiderate at all.

I'm not sure we're allowed to take toddlers to the labour ward. I'll check.

I'm probably panicking a bit early but as my dad's not well I'm loathe to rely 100% on my mum being able to make it on time, especially at night.

I think I just need to get over my reticence to ask friends and neighbours. Really don't want to be too presumptive.

DH thinks the best solution is to hire a night nanny. But I'm even less keen on a stranger sleeping in my house.

I woke in labour at 3am, called my mum at 330, she got there at 4am and we drove to the hospital. Got there at 5am. Baby here at 6. If your mum is just 20 mins away surely she'll be able to make it

We have no family anywhere near us and 2 young DC already. When #3 was due I spoke to my lovely neighbour (who is the closest thing we have to family here) and she said anytime you need me just call so we did! Baby arrived at nighttime so she stayed over at ours whilst we went to the hospital. Thankfully didn’t have to wake her in the middle of the night but I’m sure she wouldn’t have minded as having a baby is a huge deal and I’m sure you’ll find people happy to help! Good luck xx

It’s not inconsiderate of you at all! I can understand your reticence though as I hate asking for help too, even though most people will be delighted to help.

We live abroad and don’t have any close friends here. For DC2 and 3 we had a list of babysitters and our neighbors on call who all said they were willing to come out in the middle of the night if need be.

The key is to have various options depending on whether it’s night / day / workday / weekend. In the worst case scenario you can go to the hospital in a taxi on your own - that was my plan B.

You may be lucky and have a considerate baby. I went into labour at breakfast with DC3, asked DH to drop the kids at nursery before going to hospital and delivering at noon while they were still in childcare!

Thank you all for the reassurance. We've got about 5 months left before I'm likely to pop - so plenty of time to panic and plan.

I'll just keep my fingers crossed for a considerate baby - willing to arrive while DD is at nursery.

If DD goes to a nursery that gives you an option to hire a babysitter who she knows and who you know has good childcare experience.

All of the staff in my DD's room at nursery are on a list offering babysitting services.

I had this problem except the nearest relatives are 2 hours drive away and don't use mobiles so getting hold of them at short notice is difficult. Several friends and neighbours very kindly offered, even if it was the middle of the night. But any of them could have been away or otherwise unavailable at a specific time. So my plan was to have a list of about 10 people and just work through it until I found someone who was available. But in the end I had a planned section so could get a relative to help who lives 12 hours away because we knew the date in advance. The section was for medical reasons not logistics but it definitely made it so much easier! I do know one person with no local family who took the older one to the hospital - she said the staff were brilliant with the toddler. Good luck!

Definitely an advantage this time for me being induced (post dates and large baby) was that my parents came to stay the night before we drove to the hospital. They love 1.5 hrs away.
All very relaxed, had a lovely day with their grandchildren, and stayed that night too them left, very considerately, half an hour after we brought baby home.

I had been planning home birth so had a few options... Friends mostly but also oeiont of me labouring alone at least partly, for spontaneous labour but ime these things have a habit of jsut working out 'it'll be alright on the night' type of thing. Sometimes your body doesn't relax enough to labour until it 'knows' conditions are right.

I had a home birth with number 3 and my 5 and 2 year olds slept through it - would you consider a home birth if your last pregnancy and labour were straight forward?

We have family locally on standby but we found out the next day that they’d gone away for a last minute city break without telling us the night I went into labour, so luckily we didn’t need them! (I was 4 days over as well! You’d think they’d have checked we had backup just in case!)

For a night nanny it could get expensive as you'd need to pay them to be in standby from a certain date. They'd also need to be local or move in.

If you have a low risk pregnancy, please consider the chances of a home birth.
DS1 was fast, but not that fast.
DS2: first contraction 4am. Phoned Mum 4.05 (2.5 hrs away). Phoned 999 at 6.30. Mum arrived 6.35, ambulance 6.36, baby 6.37..... planned homebirth would have been better.

OP, you shouldn't feel embarrassed or reticent to ask friends to help you. I would be honoured and absolutely delighted if any of my friends asked me to step in and watch toddler while they went to hospital! I would be so proud to know they trusted me with their child

I had an elcs with DD, so I was able to have my parents come stay from the night before. However they and inlaws live abroad so if I’d gone into labour before my date then I had a few back up plans depending on the timing.

If during the day then my DS would go straight to nursery even if it wasn’t his time slot. We were lucky and they had the spaces and were so flexible and helpful

If weekend or not nursery hours then my best mum friend would take him and muddle through with her own toddler and newborn. DH would come back for him for bedtime.

If the middle of the night then my next door neighbour said just to call her and she’d come and stay at our house while DS slept. Then DH would come back to take him to nursery.

I was childcare for my friend when her second was born. I was dreading the middle of the night call, although I was happy to help. I’d have just gone to her house and slept on her sofa. In the end her waters broke on a Sunday at around 9am and our toddlers spent a lovely day together with DH there to help too.

We are in a similar position - but worse as my parents are 90 mins away and not actually very used to looking after our toddler (playing with him fine but they haven't changed a nappy or fed him or put him to bed ever).

What we are doing is putting our local babysitter on standby - she is happy to do it - until my parents can take over. We have also hired a doula so that my husband can go back and forth if it is a long labour to see our toddler and also in case things fall through so I am not on my own at the hospital.

Probably depends on your toddler but I would much rather go to hospital on my own than take mine to the labour ward, I can't see that going at all well.