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Parenting

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I now have no relationship with my daughters due to the manipulative abuse of my husband (who I’ve been separated from for 8 years!)!

8 replies

Snowing12 · 09/04/2019 14:41

I’ve been separated from my abusive and narcissistic husband for 8 years and he is determined to punish me for moving on and leaving him. We have 4 children aged 16-12 and I have a court order saying they should be resident with me. However, following numerous attempts to end my relationship with my current partner he made my daughters believe that every time he innocently touched them or hugged them it was for his sexual gratification and the only reason he ever helped out with the washing it was to gain entry into their bedrooms and indulge in his obscene knicker sniffing habits! As absurd as this is, it culminated in my husband making allegations of paedophilia and him having to remove my daughters from my care for their safety and well being! Following an investigation he retracted his allegations and admitted he’d made it up and ‘misinterpreted’ what our girls had said! 11 weeks on I haven’t seen or spoken to my daughters and he is preventing them from seeing me! Equally they are 15 and 12 and should be able to stand up to him, say no and say they want to move back home! I’m currently divorcing my husband so can’t afford the extra expense of going to court to request my daughters back and there’s a part of me that’s annoyed and disappointed in them for not being able to see what their Dad is doing and that they’re just pawns in his games! However ... the impact of not growing up with a mum and knowing she’s not fighting to get them back can only be detrimental to them for life! Moreover, whilst they’re there with him and I’m still with my poorly treated partner I know they’ll be being told that I’ve chosen him over them! What to do ... what to do??? Shock

OP posts:
GoingRetroMN · 09/04/2019 14:59

Get them back

HowlsMovingBungalow · 09/04/2019 15:03

Google Parental Alienation.

Had a big taste of this myself but without all the sexual abuse accusations that you have OP.

What do your children want? I would try and get some legal advise if you could afford it.

Ratbagcatbag · 09/04/2019 15:14

You have to go to court, otherwise his lies to them about you picking your partner over them will stick in their minds.

Although and I do understand it was malicious from him, did you at any point ask your partner to move out when the allegations were made? Surely them being removed was done with police and SS involvement, not just your ex saying they aren't coming home and normally as part of that they do ask if you will remove the person accused of doing harm.
Did that happen? As in were you offered the chance to remove your partner (or did you offer). Yes it was malicious. However that said if you didn't do that I can see why your children found it easier to believe their dads point of view.

HowlsMovingBungalow · 09/04/2019 15:31

www.matchmothers.org

You could contact this charity, they have a helpline and forum too.

Snowing12 · 09/04/2019 15:31

The legal advice is to get them back but given their ages it’ll be their decision to make and having seen one of their birthday cards to their brother it said it might be too awkward to ever return home despite how much she misses us 😪

OP posts:
HollowTalk · 09/04/2019 15:33

I would do anything to keep my children with me and if that meant telling my partner he had to leave, so be it. Yes, it's unfair if your partner has done nothing, but having my children with me would mean a million times more.

HowlsMovingBungalow · 09/04/2019 15:34

Have you any contact with your dc ie text/calls or sending correspondance like a thinking of you card or a letter?

Snowing12 · 09/04/2019 16:55

The girls being removed was done by him ... he made the allegations on a Friday it was his weekend to have them so he just kept them and dropped the boys off with me. Social services asked me to not leave my partner unsupervised with my children but there was never any real concern given it’s my husband’s 3rd offence of the same nature Angry

I want to be free of the control and abuse my husband still subjects me to and I don’t know how to be. If my girls return then he will continue in his tirade of revenge and punishment against me.

Insisting my girls return home will ensure his return to my life too and bring with it all his anger ... sad times as I am at breaking point with him 😪

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