Any Montessori parents out there?

[DoubtOfTheOrdinary]

I'm currently pregnant with my first. I'm still in my first trimester so am prepared to be told I'm getting way ahead of myself (!) but I've been vaguely aware of the Montessori philosophy for a few years and from the little I understand of it have always thought I'd be interested in using some of the principles in my own parenting when the time came. Most of the existing threads on MN relate to Montessori nurseries and schools, but I'm aware that some parents also set up 'Montessori homes', and wondered whether any MNers fall into this camp?
For context my latent interest in the method was renewed today when I was researching floor-based safe sleeping options, as DH and I sleep on Japanese mats on the floor and I wondered if there was anything similar suitable for newborns. I came across Montessori floor beds (am aware these are for use from a few months, not straight from birth), and it reminded me that I wanted to research the general philosophy a little more.
Does anyone have any recommendations for books or resources I could read as an introduction to the method / theory? Or experience of what worked or didn't work for you?

Bumping hopefully for the daytime crowd :)

I actually reckon it's best to think about this stuff now, while you have time :) Especially if you need to do any work on babyproofing rooms or whatever.

I don't know much about Montessori, but if you are planning to breastfeed, you could research safe co-sleeping. I can't think why you couldn't use a firm floor mattress from birth. If you had a separate mattress for the baby, that's probably even safer than sharing yours.

Try reading sweet sleep by La Leche League. The lullaby trust also have some information on safe co-sleeping.

Have a look at the Attachment Parent UK Facebook group, not everyone there will fit the bill, but plenty of people will have used the theory in family life.

Montessori teacher here, currently in a nursery and a parent. Montessori's method is lovely for raising children. Most people assume that it's all about the resources/materials, when actually that is just part. Her philosophy is to Follow The Child. Use their current abilities and interests to guide you, as they will show you what they need and what they're ready for. With regards to setting up a Montessori environment at home, have everything for the child, particularly in their room, at their height. Floor beds a fantastic, we had them at home from 12 months. They learn very quickly to stay in their bed and even our under twos at nursery strip their own sheets after their nap. Steer away from electronic toys, they entertain, but don't stimulate and actually prevent children from developing concentration. Have their toys and books accessible to them to enable them to select them themselves. Even at home we use workmats to play on, have done since around a year old, material table mats and larger floor mats work well. It helps the child define their workspace and set their own boundaries. Encourage tidying up afterwards, as soon as the child is old enough to get their own toy out, they are old enough to put it away afterwards. Of course we still encourage large scale play, if that's where the play is heading.

Use real equipment where possible. When they're ready for weaning, real crockery/glasses/cutlery. Yes there will be breakages, but that is how children learn. One of the hardest parts of being a Montessori parent is learning to step back and let the children make their own mistakes and try things for themselves. There is a great quote by her "everything you do for me, you take away from me".

I'd recommend buying a copy of The Absorbent Mind, as well as The Montessori Method, both by Maria Montessori. Montessori from the Start and The Montessori Baby Guide are also very good, but I can't remember the authors right now.

It's lovely to hear of someone wanting to parent this way from the start, you won't regret it!

Montessori isn't something I deliberately follow, but I try and take Dad's lead.
She loves to help, so I let her. Taking bet plate through, dishwasher unloading, hanging the washing and hoovering etc. Just small bits that I'd do whether I'd heard of Montessori or not.
I felt it just instilled a sense of responsibility and independence. She's approaching 2.5 and wants to do everything herself, which is admirable, but not always possible! 'i drive'? Is a favourite...

As for sleeping she's in a cot now but we're getting a floor bed soon. We started her off in the snuzpod and the sleepyhead. She slept through the first time the sleepyhead was placed on the floor, so despite me feeling like an awful mother, she stayed on the floor until big enough for her own room and bed.
We had no real plans, just winged it and it suited her.

*Dad = DD obviously!!

It seems that a lot of people are assuming that Montessori stuff is a type of attachment parenting philosophy, but I'm not sure that it is. I think it actually pushes independence quite strongly.

You're right kokeshi123, attachment parenting and Montessori are two completely different things. I think a lot of attachment parents incorporate some of Montessori's philosophy, but from my experience, without a solid understanding. We have a lot of parents at our nursery who tell us when they start, "oh we're very Montessori at home", when actually they are confusing the two things.

Thanks, all! Some really helpful insights on here. I'll check out the attachment parenting groups, but definitely one of the things that makes Montessori appealing to me is the pushing / enabling of independence, and I feel like attachment theory might not facilitate that quite so well.
Thanks too for the book suggestions, Eggplant, and the safe sleeping resources (and validation of my timing haha!), zigzag.

@kokeshi123 can you elaborate on that? I understand that Montessori and attachment parenting are two different things, but they seem quite compatible to me.

Attachment parenting seems to have more to say about the baby stage (breastfeed, cosleep, respond to your baby's cries). But I think it is quite a natural transition to supporting your child to do things for themselves once they are mobile.

Both types of parenting seem very child focused and based on being led by your child's needs, abilities and interests.

I don't think they are not compatible exactly, just that the general emphasis seems to be a bit different. My friend who is a Montessori teacher is not particularly attachment parent-y in her general manner of talking/thinking about kids, if you see what I mean.

Montessori actually seems to ban quite a lot of things that don't fit the M philosophy like certain books, toys etc. and it seems like certain types of play are discouraged. I seem to remember that one of the big Montessori books advises weaning off the breast between 6 and 9 mo to encourage "independence" and I think a lot of Montessori people are not very keen on the use of slings.

Of course, as individual parents we can all do what we like and there is no rule saying you have to stick rigidly to any "philosophy" about childrearing.

Oh--I think the book was "Montessori from the Start." I just flicked through the book, but it did not seem very attachment parenting to me.

(I am not attachment parent oriented either, FWIW, just giving my impression of the book)

That's really interesting! I guess yeah your average attachment parent wouldn't tend to discourage types of toy or types of play. Although maybe they'd be against screens and electronic toys and maybe some food types (possibly projecting my own biases there).

But yeah the early weaning and anti sling thing sounds pretty over the top to me. Obviously those things work for some families, but it seems crazy to just be against them on principle.

This is an interesting discussion to me because I thought of putting my child in a montessori nursery, but could never really articulate why I felt uneasy about it. I think it's because (much to my surprise) I have turned out to be quite an attachment parenting type. And as you say, while I actually push independence quite hard and my kid does loads of stuff for himself that his friends don't, not all aspects of montessori fit with an attachment approach.

Do you remember what sorts of play are discouraged?

Sorry OP, didn't mean to derail your thread :)

Just a thought for you, when your baby arrives you might find you are an entirely different sort of parent than the one you thought you'd be. If it's your idea of fun, read a few different things, you never know what might turn out to be useful :)

I'd also recommend 'how to talk so little kids will listen'. Oh and they don't have a book, but there's an organisation called Peep, that post great ideas for playing with your baby/toddler.

Like, dressing-up outfits and play kitchens etc. are banned at a lot of M. nurseries. Because they are often not keen on fantasy play, and because the idea is that they should be doing "real" tasks not pretend ones. Ie you should create a little child-sized cooking area and set them up with real ingredients to make things with on a day-to-day basis.

Personally, a lot of Montessori stuff is the kind of thing that I put in the general category known as "stuff that anxious middle class parents do with their first child. But not with the second one because who would have the time or energy with two kids in the house?" I can't imagine how exhausting it must be to have to overthink every toy and every child-parent interaction in this way TBH.

The Montessori esthetic of natural materials and uncluttered surfaces with a limited number of toys is a good one, though, IMO. Ditto getting children onto cups and potty training quite early.

One thing to remember is that when Maria Montessori started her philosophy it was in a time when nothing was focused on the child. Things have changed a lot now. The main principles of Montessori and embedded in every nursery and reception seeing through the 'development matters' eyfs curriculum, so no need to send children to specialist Montessori nurseries.

Read up about it. Pick the bits you like, ignore the rest. Do what fits a your child. Read up on attachment parenting too, and gentle parenting, and pick the bits you like.

My house is completely geared up to my children in a very Montessori way (even have a doorbell outside at child height). Coat hooks low down, their crockery and cutlery low, water and cups available low down, step stools in the bathroom and loos, clothes, toys etc etc all down low.

Also open cups from 6 months, no sippy cups ( sports bottles for when out and about). Baby led weaning, no spoon feeding, hot water temp set to 60 c so thru can use the hot tap without fear of burning... But I am very attachment parenting too, co sleep, sling wear. I teach my children how to do things for themselves though (and how to do things safely, like use scissors to cut open a packet of crisps of they are too small to pull the bag open).

Also let them self regulate with food once they are capable of serving themselves ( from about 2 yrs they help themselves from food in the middle of the table).

As a parent you can choose what you think will work for you, your children, and fit with your philosophy.

I’ve joined a group on Facebook that is based in the UK. That’s been useful

Totally anecdotal & in no way scientific, but my DC went to a Montessori nursery and when the kids moved up to school the top set were all the Montessori kids.

Obviously that's not why we sent her there, we chose it because we liked it, the kids seemed happy, but I found it very interesting to see how the kids from there seemed in comparison to those from other settings.

This is all really interesting!

Just a thought for you, when your baby arrives you might find you are an entirely different sort of parent than the one you thought you'd be.
Ha - yes, I'm sure that will be true in many ways! As one of my friends says, "Parenting was so much easier when all my children were imaginary and my decisions hypothetical" I've already had feelings / opinions in the pregnancy that I didn't expect to have, so I'm ready to be surprised by parenthood itself!

Some of the Montessori stuff sounds really appealing - the setting up of (aspects of) the house at the child's level, encouraging them to use real cutlery and tools, discouraging electronic toys and screen time, encouraging them to help around the house, facilitating independence...

But I'd love to breastfeed for a year if I can, I like the idea of a sling (partly because central London just isn't set up for pushchairs/prams!), I might be interested in co-sleeping... I think the right approach might be to pick the bits that work for us from various theories, or to do a bit of reading but be guided by instinct, as PPs suggest. It's a minefield! But I suppose parents have been doing it for centuries without all the books and resources that we have these days!

@Hunkyd0ry What's the FB group you've joined?

I’ve come across this thread looking for real parents experiences of Montessori in the home to use with my little one (she’s 10 months now).
@DoubtOfTheOrdinary I wondered if you had an update on if you’re little one if here now (not sure when you were due exactly) and how you’re finding the Montessori balance with your little one?