Hi I’m new I need advice Ive messed up weaning

[Sparkle4eyes]

Hi I’m mum to a nearly 3 yr old daughter and a nearly 1 year old son.
My daughter was weaned baby led and eating for her by age 1 ish seemed to just evolve naturally into regular meals ok. However I ve messed up without realising it with my son. I’m feeling the pressure from health visitor etc that he should be eating 3 regular food meals a day and it isn’t happening yet.
Background is.. My son has a v sensitive gag reflex. He used to spew up bottles of formula ( I couldn’t breast feed because of previous surgery ) all the time when he was tiny and still does occasionally .
He has been a spoon fed baby and it was easier because of my daughters ongoing nightmare terrible twos to give him baby food pouches which he has happily polished off.
Then a couple of months ago I started giving him mashed up bits of regular food eg spag Bol.. with limited success lots of gagging and bringing up and crying. Then he has the most terrible cough cold with a huge amount of mucus which has gone on for weeks and teething and waking up literally every night after sleeping through angelically from 3 months.
So I think the sleep deprivation has really affected me plus siblings tantrums- always at mealtimes.. and various other life stresses and I’ve got lazy with the pouches.
So a relative is saying her son exactly same age is eating full meals pub meals etc no bother and it’s really got to me. I’m envious and guilty. He starts nursery next week and I don’t want him to struggle with food. He is down to 3 or 4 milk feeds a day at least. It’s the meals.
Eg today I’ve tried toast soldiers banana for breakfast he gags and vomits unless I mash it and spoon it. He’s had a vomiting bug which has just cleared and set me back a week also . I’m willing to try him with anything but just very scared of him choking on something . Shall I try scrambled egg for lunch to start?
I’m feeling muddled knackered and stressed.please help me mums out there!

Do you think he has reflux? Maybe he needs medication. Or could he have an allergy? My DD was 11 months before her CMPA was diagnosed.

I have no idea if others would advice it but this is what I would do. See GP to rule out issues above. Dial down the stress. Go for one proper style meal a day and keep going with high fat purée, add butter, nut butter and advacdo. For nursery explain the situation and ask them to try normal nursery food first but also send in pouches.

Thankyou for quick reply. I do need to stop my panicking it’s typical mum failure angst

Could you gradually add lumps so he gets used to texture? Keep mashing for now but make it less and less smooth and then eventually give him proper solids over the next two months. He’ll get there in the end and try not to compare to others- it will just worry you unnecessarily.

My little one was like this at 9 months and he soon adapted to more and more lumps.

You have literally just described my dd who has just turned 2 - projectile vomming full bottles of milk, constant gagging with weaning etc. Things for us turned around when she was a little over 1, the milk puking stopped (she also came of anti reflux and onto cows milk with no issues, thank god!) but she did continue to gag on food for ages and to a certain extent she still does now, although it’s more laziness with chewing and no actual sickness or choking follows.

It’s really tough, but I don’t think you’re doing anything wrong. It no fun watching your child gag and throw up food that’s a bit lumpier than usual. Just take your time. We used lots of tiny pasta shapes (stars in particular) to add texture and that worked really well. She eats pretty much normally now (except for the classic toddler hunger strike!). So don’t worry, just keep doing what you’re doing

Thankyou for that reassurance!

Ive realised watching how he eats also that if he thinks its just smoother mush he gulps a spoonful to back of mouth and with no attempt to chew the hidden lumps and then obviously gags and blurgh. Today I have carefully separated the chunks of carrot potato etc out and fed them one by one and hes chewed them one by one better with his new 4 front teeth bless. Tried some soft carrot sticks and he didn’t really cope too well. Lots of chewing practice needed. But slowly slowly will get there :)

It's hard I know but try not to panic.

My DD2 was very much like this. She had severe asthma (still does 20 years later in fact) but was very sick at around 6-12 months. I think she associated lumpy food with vomiting and just wouldn't try it at all or anything she had to chew. She also decided not to bf after 8 months and refused all formula milk. It was a very worrying time as she failed to gain weight and was seen by a paediatrition every 3 months until she was 3½. The only thing to do was to feed her things that she would eat - which was very limited and mostly consisted a lot of softer, easy to swallow foods such as yoghurt, fromage frais, mashed potato and especially baby porridge. I was very worried as she would eat breakfast (porridge and yoghurt) but not lunch at nursery. However very gradually she started trying other things such as bread and cheese etc. She didn't eat normally until she was 3½.

Fast forward 20 years and everything is fine and she cooks a lot of veggie food at Uni - including all of those veggies and beans that she wouldn't touch as a toddler!

When my daughter started nursery at 1 they asked if she ate purée/lumpy/chopped/finger food and supported what was being given at home. Can you ask what your nursery's policy is to alleviate some panic?

Sounds like your son might just need a bit more time, especially if he's been really poorly lately. My finger food loving daughter would go through phases of yoghurt only when sick or teething.

I would go back to the beginning homemade purées but blitzed very smoothly then very slowly make them thicker.
Some babies it just takes a bit longer my dc4 was exactly the same heaved and puked over everything the first three kids were like seals I literally threw food at them and then caught and ate it, think dc4 was just a slow starter.
He's four now and today nicked half of my spicy chickpea and spinach curry at lunchtime he had to have a gulp of water after each mouthful
Hang in there

Really appreciate the replies cheers everyone :)