I’ve given my baby a feeding aversion

[MrsMaow]

My baby suffered with silent reflux when she was younger, I had to force feed her, it was hideous. Please don’t anyone tell me that babies know when they’re full so you should never force them - I wish that were true for my baby, I felt terrible doing it and we both spent feeding sessions crying, but when I tried stopping when she refused any more she had only 8oz over a 24 period, 2 days in a row, at the age of 10 weeks and nobody is going to convince me that would have been enough.

Her reflux seems better now, she’s still on infant gaviscon and for a while feeding was going ok, she was having 8-9oz every 4 hours with very little fuss. Now we’ve gone way downhill again, after she comes off for her first burp she refuses any more and I feel like I have to force her again. Sometimes she’ll have 6oz before needing to burp and I’m happy to call it there, sometimes it’s after 2 or 3oz and I can’t just leave it there, she’ll only feed every 4 hours and not overnight so it’s just 4 bottles a day. I don’t think it’s due to pain any more as she’ll do a massive smile for anyone that comes into the room mid session, she just cries and flails and gets more and more upset when the bottle gets anywhere near her, I think she now just hates feeding and/or me.

I don’t know what to do, HV and GP are sympathetic but useless. I truly feel like I have to either force feed her which will just make her aversion worse and worse and she’ll end up hating me and not trusting me, or she’ll starve or dehydrate.

She’s almost 5 months old but would not be able to support herself in a high chair yet so I don’t think early weaning is right and if she ends up with an aversion to solids too then I will lose my shit entirely.

I don’t even know what I want to achieve with this post, I don’t think there’s any advice that can help as obviously forcing it is less bad than her starving, but it’s fucking horrible and I hate it.

Sorry if this a really stupid question but why are to stopping to wind her?
Would you not be better to just feed her the bottle and then wind her at the end?

Does she actually need winding at five months?

Is she losing weight? Who said you have to feed her that much?

I think you’re doing a sterling job. And she might need some extra meds, so I’d ask to see a paediatrician with an interest in neonatal gastrointestinal medicine.

Aversion is really tough to deal with but you already know it can’t turn into a battle. Now she is five months and not in pain then she can do more days with less food. Follow her cues and offer milk in a little cup as well just getting bits in more frequently. More battles at this age will just cause more problems. It’s hard but she will be ok ... although she wasn’t at the start and you should have had better support.

I'm listening OP and I agree with you about the 8oz!! You must of been so worried and stressed.

Smaller offer feeds more often as in 5oz every 3hours and possibly let her feed through from time to time and wind her after.

Mine would through the same and she's a bit younger than yours but hers was a milk intolerance and now she feeds fine. She now has about 30oz over 24hour period. I remember the constant sshing and jiggling and crying and trying to distract her just to get another measly ounce in.

I remember crying and stressing and wasting soooooo much milk. Her tears and stress solely around feeding time. We don't use anything now apart from her prescribed milk. No gaviscon, ranitidine or Omeprazole.

She LOVES you and don't forget it. You're doing such a good job! You might also need a break, hot shower, or for someone else to feed her a few times. Is that an option you have?

I let her take as much as she wants but when she needs a burp she gets fussy and either pushes the test out or starts spluttering. She had a tongue tie which was snipped at 8 weeks but she still isn’t able to get a good latch so takes in lots of air, I’ve tried loads of different bottles and tears/teat sizes and have found that MAM anti colic are the least worst, but still bad.

Thank you for reading my essay

When she gets fussy move her position so if she's resting on your atm then move her to you other arm or give her a slight jiggle to move the air about.

Is she distressed or is she just more interested in other things? My son went though a hell of a phase - starting around 5mo - where I could only feed him in a darkened room lying down! If I didn't he was too distracted by everything, would refuse to feed and would then get hysterical because he was starving/would want to feed all night. It was such a pain as we couldn't really do days out since I needed a dark room to lie down in every few hours! Things improved when we weaned him at 6mo as he could have some solids to keep him going and also he'd take some milk in a sippy cup which he liked as he could still look around while he had it. You have my sympathy- 5mo was an extremely fussy age for us!

Also I'll probably be flamed for this but the tv was a great tool for distracting while she fed. Not up close but at a distance with a programme on so they can watch the colours etc

Thank you to everyone who replied, my last post was in response to troppibambini and in the time it took to write that there was an influx of other messages, I love the support on here.

After I posted I tried just going with her having 3oz, disaster, she seemed really hungry an hour later but wouldn’t eat, loads of tired signs but wouldn’t nap in her cot, probably because she was hungry. So after 30 minutes I offered milk again, she screamed, I tried to get her to nap on me which she usually does easily, she started crying actual tears, I started sobbing hysterically too and must have really shocked her as she stopped crying herself to stare at me. Then she gave me a huge grin (almost like she knew I really needed it) I stopped crying for a bit, but then she started again and so did I and just could not stop, I had to get her dad to stop working and rescue me.

Thanks for all the suggestions, I think I’m going to give it a go with a cup, that’s one thing I haven’t tried. If that doesn’t work I’ll insist on a referral to a gastro pediatrician.

Does/did anyone else avoid going out to any groups because the thought of seeing other mums feeding their happy babies with no issues fills them with sadness and/or jealous anger?

Oh OP that sounds so stressful you poor thing. My boy is bf so I really have no useful advice other than - is it not worth investigating his tongue tie again if still present? Maybe it's making it uncomfortable for him still? Agree about trying a cup too. Maybe an open one that he doesn't have to suck. Completely different association that way.

Good luck xx

Could you try giving her a bottle in a bouncy chair so she's not in you and as others have said tv can be a good distraction. My first son was premmie and couldn't sit until he was 10 months I started feeding him solids at about 5 months sitting him in his bouncing chair. He loved food and it meant I didn't stress so much about the amount of milk he drank x x x

What about carobel? It thickens milk a little bit to keep it easier to stay down. It's meant to be good in terms of reflux

Speak to you HV about it and ask if you can use it.

Op that sounds so stressful for you

I'm almost at the 11 week mark of this. LO has been on ranatidine for silent reflux since about week 5, nutramigen for about the last 2 weeks, and has been refusing food more and more since about week 6. I can get about 20ml in when he has just woken up and then the battle commences. If we left it up to him, he would eat about 200ml in 24 hours.

I've spent a lot of our feeds crying too, and I can only sympathise what it must be like at month 5 of this.

The last couple of days we've had great success (relative) with dream feeds, replacing the dummy with the bottle to squeeze in an extra ounce or two before he wakes up. We can usually get him up to about 3 ounces this way per feed with 1 or 2 cycles of feeding per sleep.

You say you're breaking to wind - winding has been really important for us too because it has been a major problem for LO, but recently when he tries to come off, when we would usually wind him, we've been very firm in keeping him on until he will literally have no more. I know this is very bad practice for him and not helpful long term, but we're desperate to keep his weight stable as it's been commented on by HVs. Can you convince LO to stay on just a little longer?

Another tactic I use is to walk him during feeds. I find a bookcase that he particularly likes and walk him back and forward in front of it so he is distracted from the feed. If I'm very lucky (and persistent) I can get 3oz in him per feed this way.

Bottles - I assume you've tried NUK? They've been the best for us so far.

As for your anger question - I have a friend with a baby only days older than mine. He guzzles milk and sleeps happily laying down. I'm quietly resentful, jealous and upset (all very petty of me as it's no ones fault). I've also only been out with other people with babies twice because of this, and I have no plans to go to groups. It makes me feel (irrationally, when I'm low) that I'm getting everything wrong for him.

Sorry for the essay!

I’m sorry to read your update OP, this must be so upsetting for you.

I also have a fussy baby (crucially not got an aversion) but I have had to force feed her due to her not realising she’s not demanding enough milk. Initially I used to syringe 5ml of milk into her mouth at a time, I’d give her infacol first then milk. After 15-30ml she might realise she was hungry and take a bottle. If not, I’d atleast gotten another oz into her. She’s gotten much better now and I rarely have to resort to syringes now, but she will still refuse a feed.

Stand your ground with the medical professionals, they often get hormonal worries mixed up with genuine concerns. I hope your partner can feed your LO tonight and you can get a bit of a break.

I found this book helpful www.amazon.co.uk/gp/aw/d/1976164419/ref=dbs_a_w_dp_1976164419?tag=mumsnetforu03-21

Thanks again for your messages everyone, I’ve tried a lot of the suggestions already but I really appreciate everyone trying to help and making me feel less alone.

I know there are people in far worse positions than me and sometimes I feel bad for comparing my situation to others, but still, I had no idea it could be this hard, I thought feeding babies was the one thing that could usually be relied on to calm them down, not the other way round!

Anyway, at least we’ve had a better day today, 25oz which I’m trying desperately to tell myself is perfectly fine

xx

Hi OP. Found this thread in desperation as we are going through this exact same thing. DS started this a few days and I'm at my wits end. Feeding times have been absolutely horrific (they always kind of were with silent reflux but this is just on a different scale) and I'm devasted I may have caused his food aversion by forceful feeding. He's 13w but 7w corrected and was severely underweight at birth, hence I'm so worried incase this affects his weight gain! Your thread was a few months ago, how did you get on?

@greenemerald hi. I just signed up to reply to your post. (Was just reading through) We went through exactly the same thing. LO is now 9 months old and things are getting better. I never gave her the gaviscon as I was worried she would get constipation. The only thing that worked for me was to feed her during nap times. She never ever took more than 4oz every 3.3 hours. This went up to 5 oz at 7 seven months. Never more than 5oz. Now she has 4 bottles of 5 oz. morning , nap times and bedtime. Food inbetween. Sometimes she doesn't take the bottle and feed her using a spoon!! Yep takes a while but worth it as she takes it.

@Kitkat09 thanks for replying. Glad to hear it got better for you, that's reassuring to read! I also avoided the Gaviscon after reading so many people saying it causes constipation. Don't want to swap a problem for another. But then it's so difficult to see him struggling :(

@greenemerald that is exactly what I was thinking! Didn't want to cause another problem.
Lots of leg exercises and I kept my LO upright for about 20 minutes after each feed. Try feeding when he is asleep. It was the only thing that worked for us. One point she didn't wanted to take her naps which was another issue but it does get better once they start their solids!

*want