Very timid toddler

[Ohhellothereladyface]

Hi,
DD is 22 months and although very vocal and boisterous at home, when we are at toddler groups etc she is extremely timid around other children.
Although she is an only child and not currently at nursery, I try to compensate for this by taking her to toddler groups, Rhyme Time, soft play etc every day, so she does have very regular opportunities to mix with other children her age. She also has a good friendship with my friends DD who is the same age and will interact well with her and acts pretty much as she does at home, ie is much more herself (chatty, not afraid to ask for things she would like, runs around etc)
When other children run up to her she visibly flinches, and if another child takes a toy etc from her she makes no attempt to take it back, making me worry she lacks confidence or has low self esteem? Also if she can see something such as a bouncy castle or ball pit has more than a few children on it, she will refuse to go near it even though I know she’s loves playing on these usually. The other day she was literally nearly crying when a couple of very boisterous boys jumped on the bouncy castle at the same time as her and it broke my heart.
if I’m really honest although I wasn’t as timid as DD, I never felt able to assert myself or stand up for myself as a child and being really honest most of the time as an adult too.
I give her lots of praise in general but especially every time she does something “brave”
Any advice on how to build her self esteem would be greatly appreciated!

My now 12 year old was just the same. I always think of it that she warms up in her own time. She hated going on playground equipment that others were on. She watched rather than participated. School helped. Slowly.
I would recommend lots of things that build physical confidence and lots of love (that's the easy bit ).
By the way, she will be taking another trip into town with pals over half term . She's really blossomed. It takes time.

My 2.1 year old is a bit like this, but in the last few weeks he's started taking a bit more interest in other children. I don't think it's a problem, my DH said he was a fairly self contained child, he still doesn't like crowds but is perfectly socially adequate

What do you say when boisterous boys jump near her and she gets wobbly?

I’d say to my DS (nearly 3). “Carry on! You can jump like that. Go on, try and bounce them off...”

I've been thinking about this recently as I have a pretty confident 22 month old and I was a confident child. I think it's a trait my family have and encourage. I think we do it by being clear that only a few things really matter - like health/ family. Everything else is par for the course. So if my dc has a problem at playgroup (can't have a toy/ has a toy taken off / pushed etc) I only react negatively if she is hurt. Otherwise I sort of laugh it off (not laughing at her, more with her). I say things like oh well! Never mind! And distract her. If she refused to go in, say, ball pit because if other kids, i just wouldn't react or try and coax her. I'd just let her find something else to do. I think what I'm trying to say is that it's important not to sweat the small stuff and perhaps she is picking up on your anxiety about confidence? Phillipa Perry new book on parenting is good on this.

By the way I hope this doesn't sound smug - there are many things I'm struggling with as a person and a parent but confidence isn't one of them I suppose.

My 22mo DS is the same. Has no problems interacting one on one but has little interest in playing with other toddlers. I just don't think these groups give him the time to, and when you only see each group once a week it's long time to a toddler.

Even yesterday we went to a family party and he only started playing with his cousins after about an hour. He likes to sit for a while, then play with toys, get the lay of the land, then maybe play with others.

I pretty much let him get on with what he wants to do and just encourage the behaviour I want to see.