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Parenting

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Not coping at all!

3 replies

Mummyof3asd · 06/04/2019 16:35

Sorry this is long and very rambly!

I feel like I am really struggling with being a mum at the moment and just want to leave and never come back. I have 3 children all under 5. The 2 eldest have autism and are very difficult and have very rigid routines. I then have a 6 month old who is going through a really difficult stage with teething and getting up at least once a night, sometimes staying up for hours. My 2 year old has got horrendous sensory issues and pretty much screams and cries from the moment his eyes open, he can only tolerate being around me and is constantly hurting his brothers if they even so much as look at him. We can not go to soft plays or anywhere busy as he will have huge meltdowns and will bite and hurt other kids, so we are pretty much stuck in the house most of the time. I feel so lonely and isolated I have little to no suppport, my partner works 7 day weeks and is out the house 14 hours a day. He is gone before they are awake and is back after they are all asleep so has no idea how hard it is. I am so drained with seeing to everything, every day, with no break at all! I do all the housework, all the childcare, all the cooking, all the shopping and make sure they get to all there many, many appointments. My partner literally goes to work and thats it, he hasn't even put away a pair of socks before or cooked a single dinner! My eldest goes to nursery 3 hours a day till he starts school in august and apart from that, I do it all! I have family but they aren't very forth coming with helping at all, they are of the attitude that I had them so I deal with them. I have not one friend and find it very hard to make any as my 2 year old can't tolerate mother and baby groups and he also hates having people round the house and will heatbutt them and the floor till they leave, its awful. My life is miserable and I dread every day and just count the hours till they are all in bed so I can have an hour of time with out them before I crash out in bed. This isn't how I seen motherhood at all, due to their special needs everything is so much more difficult and different to what I expected. They won't play with any toys, they won't bake, they won't do any sort of arts and crafts, they won't hug and read a book, they won't sit and chat to me, they hate going anywhere or really doing anything. All they are happy doing is watching tv and being left well alone. I have tried everything to get them to engage in other things but they just have meltdowns and it ends up in all of us in tears. My 2 year old won't eat anything apart from crisps, I spend every night cooking healthy meals where nearly all of it ends up in the bin as they just won't eat it. It just seems that we are all so unhappy all the time and I'm starting to feel like someone else would be able to care for their needs much better than me. I don't know how to handle them at all and all the 'advice' I've been given just doesn't work, especially with my 2 year old who seems to have severe Autism. I've tried to get my partner to be home more but he will loose his job as he is contracted at these hours till the job is done which could be till the end of the year. I love them so much but I just can't do this anymore. Our area seems to have rubbish special needs resourses and nobody seems to have a clue on what there doing, just seems I've been left to deal with it unaided. Don't know what I'm expecting putting this out there but if I don't say it I will scream!

OP posts:
PhilipSteak · 06/04/2019 17:06

Bumping for you

PhilipSteak · 06/04/2019 17:10

I’m so sorry mummy. Can you get your Health Visitor to come out and see you? I don’t know what resources there are available to you but surely there must be something Even if it’s a youngster on a nursery worker training course or something.
Isolation is used as a form of torture and that’s what you’re experiencing.
I wish I could say or do something that could help. Anyone would struggle with what you’re going through.
Are there any local groups of parents of children with moderate to severe ASD who could help, I wonder?

Chargertest · 07/04/2019 20:50

Have you heard of a service called Homestart? They might be worth looking up. They have volunteers who come out and help, whether that be playing with your child whilst you cook lunch or put a washload on etc. I think having someone to come in and do a couple of hours with them might get you a little head space.
It sounds like a really tough time for you, sending hugs. I have some experience of what you are going through and I only have 1. Also, once your DH finishes that contract can you discuss with him the idea of you sharing the load and you both working part time x

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