Son called out for daddy for first time

[Supercala123]

For the first time in 2.5 years my son called out for daddy rather than me when he woke in the night. I’ve just gone back to work and the guilt of that and now this has just about done me. I’m devastated that my son doesn’t want me anymore. Sounds bloody ridiculous and self centred but it feels like a massive loss as well. I know I’m a crappy person for feeling it like this.

I know, I really do. But try and think about how wonderful for your son to have an extra person who he trusts to care for him. You are just sharing the love, not losing it.

This is my fantasy OP (I was up six times in total last night with both our kids because DH is away at the moment) but in reality I know it would wound me too.

Just keep reminding yourself that having a close relationship with both parents is a blessing for your child, and for all of you actually. Loving and wanting your dad does not take anything away from the love and need you have for your mum.

You're not a crappy person, you're a loving and concerned Mum. As the other poster said, try to focus on what it means for your little boy. More people who love and cherish him, and who he feels safe with. You'll always be his Mum and he knows that, even if he switches back and forth between wanting different people for comfort. I quite like it when my children ask for Dad but I think if I was anxious/guilty about going off to work then it would probably play on that for me too.

I thought the contents of this post were going to be happiness from the title

I thought this post was going to be about Daddy doing something wrong!

You aren't a crappy person. Becoming a mum and working out what kind of mum you are going to be is one of the most massive transitions you will make in your life. Becoming a working mum rather than an SAHM is part of that. You feeling guilty is part of working through that, and this just playing into that.

There is no right thing overall about working or not working. There are reasons why you in your situation went back to work. What are they? Keep those in mind. You are undoubtedly doing your best for sound reasons. Once you settle in (give it 3-6 months) you will start to feel better.

As for him calling out "Daddy". Well kids do choose the worst timings eh! But they go through phases within their relationship with each parent. A safe, strong, loving parental relationship can allow them to do this in the knowledge that the parental bond is strong (so they won't be played off against each other), and that the bond with each parent is strong enough it can tolerate changes and shifts. Your bond or attachment is strong enough. You know it can cope with all of this. That he can go to his Dad a bit shows he feels safe enough in his attachment to you that he knows it isn't going anywhere. It feels like a kick in the teeth but could be seen as a sign you have done a good job.

This is two things magnified because they are happening at the same time. There may be unconscious connection but this is all working through the feelings around the big transition of you returning to work (which is a bigger shift for the child than for you, as a change from all they have ever known). But part of what we have to teach and work through with our children is that change is manageable. Life does not, cannot stay the same. But it does not have to be wholly terrifying. It is ok, and your relationships are strong enough to allow you all the space to work through your feelings within them.

But how happy must your DH be! For the first year my DS only wanted DW it was horrible for me (and her!). But one day he just put his arms up and said daddy. I cried my eyes out, I was at that point the happiest man alive.

Aww Parky, that's lovely

Not an expert on kids but you sound anything but self centred and crappy. You sound the complete opposite to me.

Thankyou for being so kind everyone and for the perspective! And Thankyou Parky the guy perspective, yes my do was so happy and this morning I can feel happy about that with him 😊 x