Baby gets bugs and can't attend childminder- how does everyone else cope??

[Lala503]

DS 13mo goes to a local childminder while I work, but recently she has had some sick days and DS has had bugs- viral conjunctivitis, chest infection, vomiting and most recently a viral rash.

He can't go to the CM when he has symptoms so- can I ask how others manage to cope with this?? We don't have family in the area and our neighbours aren't able to help. At first I just took leave each time he was ill but it's at the the stage where I am only able to work around 70% of the time.

I know my boss isn't happy and I think he's about to give me a 'talk' ie. this isn't working out.. He wouldn't be unreasonable to do this as I work for him on a self-employed basis. There's no one to cover me when I'm off and it causes him a lot of problems

Does anyone have any tips?

Does your DS have a dad who is doing half the sick days?

Look at nurseries and the career being sick is not then an issue. Our nurseries (2 private one school) would happily take a child with with symptoms who was not infectious and well enough. With two kids I only ever took a few days off for chicken pox.

Our DD is off all the bloody time. Myself and DH split the days off, try to use our holidays where we can and hope we don't get fired.

CMs seem to have different tolerance levels. Some take under the weather kids and some don't seem to. We opted for nursery so cover was guaranteed

Hmm he did a 1/2 day one day this week!

To be fair he commutes a long way into the office and earns more than me etc. He has said why don't you stop work, if you want to (I don't want to). He is highly stressed and finds one on one time with DS difficult so I don't push it

When my children are ill, we share it our between DH and I. But I have to say this worry about reliability is why I’ve plumped for a nursery over a childminder. Only once in six years of using a nursery has the whole nursery had to close (apparently everyone was vomiting...).

Thanks, I have actually just been looking at some nurseries online now. Bit more expensive but at least they don't disappear off on holiday/sick I guess.

Ah that's a shame, I used to use a fantastic childminder for my DD - she would have her when she was under the weather as long as she didn't have a temperature. Little kids do get sick a lot- nurseries send them home if they're sick too although yes I agree that they won't often close themselves.

I think up to 2-ish kids get sick a lot unfortunately , you have to juggle it best you can and cross your fingers for an understanding boss. Your DH should respect that you want to continue to work and share the sick leave with you a bit more- doesn't matter if he finds one on one hard, everyone does.

Nurseries cope much better with this sort of thing. Vomiting bugs are an obvious no as are chicken pox etc but mine have gone in with all sorts without issue.

I would also talk to your DH about sharing the days off. DH our earns me massively but we still split the sick days. That's just part and parcel of being a working parent. Start how you mean to go on.

Yes I don't know if this CM is particularly strict but she turns from friendly into cold hard stone when she sees a runny nose!!

Realistically he does pick up most of his illnesses from the older children there but I'm fine with this as he has to build up his tolerance somehow.

Thank you for the kind words and I'm going to book a tour of a local nursery next week

Nurseries won't take children with vomiting or children who are ill with infections either. Some will take children with conjunctivitis, some won't - policies vary.
Viral rash shouldn't be a problem so long as the child is well and doesn't have a fever.

Your DH definitely needs to do 50% of sick days.

It's not fair to your boss that your dh doesn't do 50% of the sick days. This is your answer I think.

She sounds pretty strict. Sure, they go to school etc with runny noses! My cm was great, never sick herself and would take them a bit under the weather but not actively sick or contagious...not that we ever asked for that. Dh and I would both cover any sick days, irrelevant of earnings, depending on what we had going on. Sometimes did a half day each, we both have flexible hours

There are a few threads on here about emergency nannies who look after sick kids.

My wonderful mum recently travelled 2.5 hours to mind our whingy sick dc for a couple of days...missed 6 days of school and dh and I took some time off but we were both pretty busy and would have really struggled to cover all the days.

Depending on how DS feels we use this as a guide. If he is beside himself we wouldn't send him but for colds, coughs, runny noses etc we still send him as we couldn't take so much time off work with him always being poorly.

I wouldn't take child in with a sickness bug or vomitting or if they were really poorly with a temp with a chest infection but for colds etc would still send.
You made a comment that your DH finds one on one time with your DS difficult. I would address this quite quickly. You both made a commitment to have a child, he can't just opt out of these types of things, irrespective of how much he earns.

DH does does mornings and I do afternoons. I am part time self employed too but we are both equal parents.

IME, CMers generally are FAR more flexible and willing to take an 'under the weather' child than Nurseries, many of whom have much stricter policies. I wouldn't move to a Nursery because you think they will stop them coming less though another CMer might be worth a look.

However, both parents trying to juggle any necessary parental leave goes a long way with employers. I've got 3 dc through those stages, and dh and I would look at diaries and see what we could juggle best of all, on the day. Employers knew that. I would not be impressed by a member of staff who felt it was all their responsibility when there were 2 parents.

Your DH is the problem here. He's too important and precious to mind his sick child? Why are you enabling this?

He should do half the sick days. It will be inconvenient for him...Just like it has been for you!!

If we need to cover a sick day, the person whose work will be least impacted by taking a day off will do it. So if one of us has loads of meetings and the other doesn’t, the one with no meetings will take the day off. It works out pretty even. If it’s multiple days we take turns. Both of us can work from home and try to catch up in the evenings if we’ve been looking after a sick child all day. I’m part time (21 hours) and husband earns far more than me but it’s never occurred to either of us that I should be the one responsible for sick days.

Dh and I took it in turns depending on workload - pretty much 50/50. On the upside at 13 and 10 they have great immune systems!!

Yes I would definitely make it a priority to find out the nursery policy to see if we'd actually be any better off..

Re DH I know! I guess I am compromising in this area of life without putting up much of a fight. Not sure why. Something to think about.

Unless it’s a fever or d&v, it’s normal to just send them. I wouldn’t keep mine home with a chest infection (by that I mean a bad chesty cough with no fever). Our nursery will generally even keep them as long as the fever is controlled by paracetamol and they are otherwise okay. So mine very rarely stayed home.

Beyond that, you need to share the sick days unless one of you has some magic flexible job where it matters less (you do a PT Etsy business but your dh is a neurosurgeon or something).

DH and I share time off to look after sick DS. When I started back at work, he seemed to catch everything going and I was terrified I’d lose my job! But they do get fewer and fewer bugs as time goes by, if that’s any comfort.

It’s worth noting that while DH earns more than me, AND I’m part time, but that means he’s actually more likely to take the time off because one sick day with DS is only 1/5 of his week but 1/4 of mine. Or we can sometimes both work from home, doing 2 hours on and 2 hours off - if DS is proper poorly, he’ll lie on the sofa while whoever is “on” sits with him with their laptop! Not ideal but needs must.