any advice from older first time mums (and animal loving mums) much appreciated

[norfolkpenny20]

hello there. first time ever writing on a forum but i am so very confused and not sure how to proceed so would be very grateful if anyone out there would want to share any of their experiences or thoughts.

i currently have no living children. i lost my first little girl at 24 weeks in 2015 who was stillborn and my second little girl at 22 weeks in 2017 due to ruptured membranes. all in the same hospital, the same month, the same midwives etc etc. horrendous few years but have been helped through it by wonderful husband, family, friends and psycologist. its only now i feel like 'myself' again yet still dealing with all the crap that comes with losing a baby.

i am now 41 and in my mind do not think i want to try again. however i know my (wonderful) husband is desperate for one even though he never says. i see the way he is with children and it breaks my heart.

if i was 31 i would absolutely be trying again but i am concerned that having lived a very selfish and fulfilling life up until now i will possibly regret the decision....i should point out there will be issues in my next pregnancy including a stitch and early delivery along with a couple of other issues. i have about a 70% chance of a successful pregnancy.

i adore my husband - he truly is one in a million and i am extremely lucky. i also have a hoard of animals at home who am i devoted too and i am extremely concerned about how it will affect my relationship with them - sorry if that sounds ridiculous but i have and always will be animal obsessed. i'm the girl that cries at the rspca adverts but not the nspcc ones. i hate the thought of having to leave them if i have to go into hospital for stays throughout the pregnancy which will be inevitable.

as you can see i've pretty much made up my mind but i am terrified my husband will start to resent me and 'my' decision and start falling out of love with me....we are really strong and have managed to survive the most terrible of times but i know not every marriage is bombproof........i also don't know if i am i just finding excuses not too to save myself more heartbreak and more grief. should i try again?

i guess i don't really know what i'm asking, maybe i just needed to write it down somewhere....if there is anyone that had a first baby at 41 or older i would love to hear your thoughts on it. or even dog mad or horse mad ladies who can tell me that having a baby didn't make one jot of difference!!!

thanks so much if you got to the end!

I'm.so sorry for your losses. I had our little boy at 39. He was an ivf baby and much wanted despite all the problems I had during pregnancy. He's 4 now and a total.joy. my DH is 47 now. The only difference between us and friends who had their babies in their twenties and early thirties is that they might have a bit more energy. However, we are totally happy to base our life around our son whereas some of the younger parents still want to go out on the lash etc. If you want to give a try go for it. But you have to want it, not just for your DH xxx

Your age is not a problem. Maybe you've got all your own stuff out of the way and you won't mind living the quiet life now focussed on a child. Your life will adapt and be fulfilling in a completely different way. You have nothing to worry about on that score.

But you have to want it. You have to be willing to put yourself through the physical and emotional stress of pregnancy. That's a lot to ask if you feel you are mainly doing it for someone else.

I guess you wouldn't be horse riding for a while but apart from that, pets can be wonderfully calming if you are feeling stressed. Pets and kids, if handled well, can have such a lovely and loving relationship. I am so envious of my niece and her massive retriever, they are the best of pals even though he is twice her size. She just lies all over him and he loves her right back. But DH is hugely allergic to dogs so my kids can't have one and that makes me sad. Our kids love their hamster but it's not quite the same

And I'm sorry to hear your daughters died. That's really hard.