Undecided about second child- no life insurance

[StillIRise87]

So, we have one DC who is 3 and i'm dithering about number 2. Our child is now getting to the lovely independent stage and when i'm ovulating i'm quite keen. However, when i'm not , i'm not! I'm loving having our life back and time for our marriage but I guess the main motivating factor is what if our only child dies? Another child would give us reason to go on wouldn't it, if the worst happened?
The crux of the issue is that my husband has a heart defect and as a result cannot get any life insurance. We have tired every angle and its a no go. He also doesn't have full life expectancy as a result of this issue but is still quite young.

I am a getting too old for this to be an issue very soon so I need to make a decision. Should the worst happen I can take care of one child financially but I just don't earn enough to support two. However, I worried I will regret staying at one. Thoughts?

In your situation I would think about your dh's life expectancy vs. your future expenses and earning potential. I'm assuming your dh is expected to live more than a few years? Are we talking approaching retirement age or less than 10 years? That makes a huge difference.

Your financial situation is likely to be quite different in 10-20 years time than it is now, especially if you have sacrificed career for your young child. My eldest is 6 (also have a 1 year old) and even in the time since I went back to work after my first, my earning potential has changed considerably (even with a second mat leave). Can you make some investments now, even small amounts each month, to make sure you have something secure for the future? Would you expect to receive inheritance in time? Even a small amount could contribute to paying down your mortgage or paying off other debts.

Honestly, I wouldn't make a decision to not have a 2nd child (if that's what you want) based on future 'what ifs' even if they are quite grave ones. You never know what will happen and people survive in much more difficult circumstances than that. As long as you can support 2 now, then I would plan for that, but try to make some wise decisions in the meantime that can start to put money away or increase your earning potential just in case.

Thank you. Yes, it is more approaching retirement age. I dont think I would inherit a great deal but I have sacrificed my career to have my child and it would take a further knock with another baby. I would probably end up on less than the average income. I also am not sure that it is fair on our current child.

"what if our only child dies? Another child would give us reason to go on wouldn't it, if the worst happened?"

Honestly, I only want one child. The only 'plus' I can see to have more is what you've said. And for me personally, that's just not a good enough reason to have a 2nd.

Also sorry as I know I'm probably saying the opposite to most people...

I'm an only child where the 'worst happened' and my Dad died when I was very young. We were lucky that my Dad did have life insurance. Although my Mum's life hasn't been easy, I do think it was made slightly easier by there just being me. I personally think I've had the perfect life in times of my upbringing etc and me and my mum are very close. My life would have been very different I think, and my Mum's life a lot harder if it there had been more than one of us. It may sound selfish but I'm glad (for many reasons other than just this) that I'm an only child.

In your circumstance I wouldn’t have another child. This isn’t a ‘what if’ situation, you know the health issues with your husband will cause a shorter life expectancy sadly.

I would be planning for the future now. Saving and making sure you are secure and safe if the worst was to happen to either of you.

Don’t complicate life for your child for the sake of one that doesn’t exist. Having a second child just in case isn’t a sensible reason IMHO.

As a widow with kids in my late 40s (my late dh was the same age) something to bear in mind if the worst were to happen (and i sincerely hope it doesn't) is that from the 1940s to 2017, when a parent died their national insurance contributions (which they will now never claim as state pension) were used to help their kids with something called Widowed Parents' Allowance until the youngest child left full time education. In 2017 this was reduced to payments for only 18 months after they died. So no support after 18 months

We would get death in service from his job but it wouldn't cover all the mortgage.

Are you full time? Sometimes kids need more time with their surviving parent than they may have done otherwise to cope with their trauma.

Sorry to be the doom and gloom merchant but it's my daily life!
In your situation i might have another kid anyway as your dh's health is being monitored/treated. My situation was different as we had no idea there was anything wrong and he died of a heart attack with no warning

No i'm part-time but I appreciate your perspective TansyViola. With two it would be very financially and emotionally difficult.

Also, even though he is being monitored and is doing really well he could easily go downhill fast as have many others with his condition. He has already had one cardiac arrest many, many years ago.