Newborn baby, toddler sleep regression, HELP PLEASE!

[HJE17]

I posted last week that DD 20 months seems to feel very responsible for her new baby brother and quite emotional about his arrival. He’s 11 days old. She loves giving him hugs and kisses, and making sure he’s warm (hat and blanket). But she still HATES IT when he cries and gets very worked up. I can’t tell how much is genuine concern/empathy (I think some of it is) vs jealousy/wanting parents’ attention (there’s probably some of that too).

This weekend, she didn’t nap (!) despite us sticking to her routine as closely as we possibly could. She also woke up 3 times on Saturday night and 4 times last night and needed help settling. She’s usually a champion sleeper.

I expected to be tired with a newborn but my DH and I are absolute WRECKS... and it’s because of our toddler, not because of the baby! I’m not sure how much more of her whining, whimpering, and nap-time screaming we can take.

Does anyone have any tips for getting her back on track? Or any indication as to how long this phase might last? She’s suffering a huge sleep deficit and is really struggling to regulate her emotions because of it. One minute she’ll be playing happily, then next moment having an epic toddler meltdown (really unusual for her). It’s hard to watch... and exhausting. Please help!!!

... any thoughts anyone?

Distinguish between her and the baby clearly. She’s a “big girl” and baby is a “baby”.

Your reaction to the baby crying can be quite casual to show her it isn’t a big deal “oh dear, the baby is crying again. Baby cries a lot eh? Maybe baby wants more milk..?” Etc. Also try taking baby out of the room if it’s really crying loud or put tv on for toddler so she can zone out.

Is she being woken up by the baby in the night?

Ah OP it's tough having a newborn and a toddler. I have 14 months between mine and I remember what you're saying very well!
Your DD will be developing massively and they do have sleep disturbances and drop their naps in afraid.
I think it's harder sometimes to process because you've already had a baby and remember it to be really tough (which it is!) but this time, you're not having the life changing experience of going from 0-1 children. You're just adding another into the mix. You already have a child to look after so you're used to the daily grind... this time you're having to figure out how to juggle.

Do what you need to. My DD is 2 and my DS is 1. She's always slept pretty well but there have been many nights when I've slept in her bed. Is she in a bed yet? If not, I'd recommend putting her in one that is big enough for you or your DH to sleep in too. Because at this stage, sleep is survival.

I have been at the end of my tether on more than one occasion. You have my sympathies cus man it's hard! But it's also wonderful and in just a few months you're going to see just how much they love each other.