Do you spend time with each child one to one?

[Reddragonqueen]

Background, growing up I had two brothers and a sister and we all went everywhere together, my mum was great but I always felt I would have loved some one to one time with her doing something I enjoyed.

I mentally made the decision before I had kids that I always wanted to spend some time with them individually.

I've now got two. DD1 is 4 and DD2 is 9m. DD1 is in nursery 3 days per week, so those days it's just me and DD2. DD2 is BF and during the week I am never without her.

Husband potters around most Sundays after working in the morning and I've started asking him to have DD2 so dd1 and I can do something alone. A park trip or market or craft. For added info DD2 is currently very demanding and hates being put down.

My husband thinks I'm playing favourites and is making me feel guilty for wanting to spend time alone with dd1. Today he unexpectedly had a few hours in the house and I asked if he'd be okay with me popping to the farmers market, before I'd even finished my sentence he butted in with "I suppose you'll only be wanting to take dd1". I did, yes, I thought we could have a mooch and some cake. Probably 90mins tops.

I was upset by his tone so explained (for the 10th time) that dd2 gets me constantly and that a little time just dd1 and I would be lovely.

He seems to think no one else ever does this and I should be taking them both everywhere. For the record the pushchair in the market would have been a pain but I don't see what wrong with wanting some one on one time?

I take dd2 places just her when dd1 is at nursery and we do loads of things the 3 of us. DD1 is so well behaved and I want to make the most of the free time we have before school starts in Sept.

I do find dd2 hard work and boring atm but I do lots with her and plan to continue this. I imagine when the are both in school trying to factor in some time with each of them maybe monthly.

I understand for single parents this type of thing is harder and tbh Sunday afternoon is the only time I ever have husband around to help out so aibu?

Yanbu. We’ve always done this, not necessarily planned but just sometimes because it’s easier to only take one child! We do have planned trips 1:1 too and both children love these. It sounds like your dh just doesn’t want to be left alone with one of them?

It's nice for you to have some 1:1 time with DD1. Maybe sometimes you can swap, so she has 1:1 time with her dad.

Thanks for the replies

I should have said husband gets to do most of dd1's bedtime routine and story time while I'm BF so they do get some time just the two of them and he'll sometimes take her to work on a Saturday morning (farmer).

He's not bothered about one to one time and I do imagine he'd be wanting me to take them both so he can have some peace but he had atleast an hours poo time a day and they both go to bed at 7 I don't think I'm wrong getting him to watch dd2 for a bit. I do need a break from her and I think dd1 does to.

I think because neither me nor husband had any one to one time with a parent he hints that's what everyone's life is like but IMO it doesn't have to be

I think it's a good thing too, and also nice for the older children to do things in a more relaxed and age appropriate way, without you having to cater for a baby. I have to admit though that when I had 2 I didn't get as much 1:1 time like that, apart from naps etc and the dc were often paired together.
The nicest thing since having 3 is we often split them up (divide and conquer!) and do have more 1:1 time which is really nice - for both parents!

I think it's really important for both parents to have 1:1 time with kids. Luckily we have 2 so often we each go do something with one and then meet up for lunch or swap around. We make sure that we do things together as a family and as a couple too, obviously, but the 1:1 time is so valuable.

When they were little we didn’t really do one-to-one time I don’t think, not intentionally.
Once they hit primary school age we started to. They get one big day out with a parent a year. So the first year we did it for instance DS1 went to comicon with DH, DS2 went to thomas steam railway with DH and me and DD went to Disney on ice.
That was a few of years ago now. This year I took DS2 to dinosnores at the natural history museum. DD wants to go to Harry Potter world and DS1 hasn’t decided yet.

On a smaller more regular basis I do naturally spend more time with DD as she wants to come shopping with me, or we want to watch the same films, or she’ll help me make a birthday cake.
In the same way DH spends more time with the boys as they are all into Star Wars/marvel/gaming etc or DS1 will go climbing with him. I do stuff like cooking with them etc
DD is in scouts and DH is a beavers leader so he does do stuff with her

I try and make time for both my dd’s . Youngest I get Friday afternoons after nursery and also while her sister does her swimming / dancing / gymnastics . Eldest stays up a bit later and on sat gets to stay downstairs with me so we watch tv or play a game .

I have three and DH and I try where possible to spend alone time with each of them.It's more important the older they are I feel as they're more aware.

My children are all pretty much grown now, but I've always done this. I have a checklist in my head and make sure that each gets time. Sometimes it's just simply, such as a half hour alone having a chat with one, or other times a few days or a weekend away. Keep doing it- it'll pay off.

YANBU

Your DH is just lazy by the sound of it!

It's lovely to have one on one time with each parent. So DD1 is getting her one to one time with you and DD2 is getting her one to one time with Daddy. Nothing to do with having a favourite!

Yanbu, I think it’s a lovely thing to do and will help reduce jealousy (especially on DD1s end)

Thanks everyone. I thibk it's because he doesn't really see how much time I spend with DD2 because she's not here.

When dd2 first started in the high chair dd1 got jealous as the table logistics meant I sat next to the baby and she sat next to her dad which she didn't like so I swooped seats with husband which again attracted a few "favourite" comments. But I only did it to keep dd1 happy as dd2 doesn't care who sits next to her

Thanks though I definitely plan to continue the one to one time

*he's not here

Similar ages here OP. DD is 5, DS is nearly 9 months. She's at school all day so I try to spend as much time as I can with her afterwards, when he has his afternoon nap. He's a fairly easy baby but does go through clingy phases where I'm not allowed to put him down!

We've recently started taking turns putting DS to bed, so one night DH puts him down and I read to DD downstairs, then the next night we swap. She really loves that, and it's nice for DS as well.

And at the weekend we usually try to have a couple of one on one hours each, even if it's just a quick trip to the library, park or shops. Just a bit of time where she can chat or play without DS. And he has two naps so during the first one at the weekend she's got us all to herself.

I'm hoping it'll get better as DS gets bigger.

I try to do the same, even if it's just a craft when dd2 is napping at the weekend. I also keep dd2 at the childminders some days during the school holidays. I'd like to do it more but dh has health issues and struggles looking after dd2 alone.

Definitely YANBU, op! I think it’s lovely that you decided early on to make sure you have one on one time with your eldest - she is so lucky to have such a thoughtful mother!
I don’t know what your husband’s problem is - do you think he isn’t confident with the baby?