Baby won't settle for anyone but me - how will she cope when I'm at work?

[cornflakes5]

I'm going back to work next month, and the baby will be going to a childminder. I'm really concerned it's going to be dreadful for all concerned.

I've posted about this before - my 11-month old is a very challenging baby who doesn't settle for anyone but me, and has to be fed to sleep for naps. She doesn't sleep at night. She cries easily during the day and needs constant entertaining. Not by choice, but I've not been away from her for more than a couple of hours since she was tiny.

She was EBF, and now eats solids but is fussy. I've been trying to reduce the number of breastfeeds to help prepare her for when I go back to work, which she's really unhappy about. She doesn't take a bottle.

What do I do to help prepare her? We don't have family nearby so I can't leave her with anyone. What if she's so awful the childminder can't deal with her? She won't be the only baby, and I can't imagine the childminder dedicating all her time to settling or comforting her. I have images of her going absolutely hysterical from crying and stress-vomiting, and the childminder telling me she just can't do it.

Any childminders or nannies out there with reassurance? Any parents with advice? I'm feeling so, so dreadful and anxious about this. Thank you.

Anyone please?

Do you have a partner or other family member who could help her to nap without you etc?

I had one of these, my middle one - refused bottles, very much attached to me. She went into a nursery rather than a childminder but she managed- she slept there OK, I think it helps that they all sleep there together. They do adjust. If your childminder says she can't handle it (not likely but if she does) then you need to cross that bridge when it arrives. Kids are pretty adaptable! Even the ones who really know what they want 😊
When do you start the settling sessions? That will give you more of an idea how it will go.

Do a couple of 'try out' hours first with the childminder if that is possible.

Thank you for the replies, I really appreciate it.

My husband has tried to settle her but she will just scream and scream until I take over. She loves him during the day, so not sure why it's different at night or nap time. I know I should leave it longer before I intervene, but it's hard to listen to that screaming for extended periods and do nothing. My husband also finds it dispiriting trying to settle her as his presence makes no difference to the crying, which doesn't help. No other family nearby unfortunately.

We have settling in days coming up, but I'm just a ball of worry about it all.

lots of settling in sessions, with you for a bit, without you when it's just activity and food time, then when it's nap time etc.

don't panic, it'll rub off.

Babys often have an amazing awareness of you and your feelings. Baby knows at the moment they have a choice and so are exercis8hg it ( and the lungs) . But babys are even better at changing, adapting and growing.

Will she sleep in the pram/pushchair? My DD feeds to sleep but will nod off in the pram so that’s where she sleeps at the childminders, a bit of pushing to and fro to settle her til she’s asleep.

OP I could have written this. My baby is the same. I’ve just gone back to work though and he is fine with the childminder! He won’t sleep in a cot for naps so she puts him in the pram, wheels him about for a bit and then he’ll stay asleep (with me the pram has to be moving to achieve this!). He won’t take a bottle either but will drink a bit of cows milk from a cup with the childminder and gets enough breastmilk from feeds in the morning, when I collect him at 5.30, and bedtime. It’s worked fine. I think they know when you’re there and not there and behave accordingly.

Really pleased to hear babies can adapt to different caretakers. DD is 'high spirited' shall we say, and I'm still worried the childminder will tell us after a few days she just can't deal with her. Does that happen often??

I should add she hasn't slept in her push chair since she was maybe six months. I do keep thinking (wishfully) the childminder will have a way to make it happen again, or playing with other babies will tire her out and she'll be easier to settle.

My son was like this too. He would only be fed to sleep. The first few days at nursery he hardly slept or had much milk but by the end of the first week he was absolutely fine. Within a couple of months he was self settling to sleep. Nursery staff and childminders are miracle workers!

I agree with others, go to the settling in sessions and then do a gradual retreat. Your childminder will have the knowledge and experience to try different things to get your DD to sleep, it may take a few weeks but she will be fine. Try not to worry

She’ll be fine. If childminder is experienced, they’ll find a gentle way to handle it.

I went back to work last month when my youngest was just barely 12 months. He’s ebf, never taken a bottle (but will drink from a cup), fed to sleep, and only time I ever left him was to go for the interview for the new job I’ve just taken. He’s completely fine.

I leave before he wakes up 3 days a week and am not home til just before bath and bedtime. He’s managed fine. He sleeps on a mat at nursery surrounded by 15 other children playing (he hasn’t napped in a cot at home since he was small!). He eats well, doesn’t need feeds during the day, will happily only feed at bedtime and overnight now. It’s been an easy adjustment. They know what they’re doing and if they are good, they’ll do it gently without much fuss. So I would really not worry.