Third child

[ShouldHaveListenedInBiology]

I have two lovely boys 6 and almost 2. Had a trouble free pregnancy with DS1 followed by a traumatic birth, and the opposite with DS2, I had severe SPD and ended up on crutches. I’m 40 now and completely exhausted by DS2 as he is a poor sleeper, I’m barely holding it together even though DH is very hands on and involved and gets up a lot with him as well.

So why can’t I stop thinking about having a third? I think it’s a lot to do with the idea of that being ‘it’, I always wanted three but life didn’t be work out that way and now I really feel that practically speaking, it would be a terrible idea. But I can’t leave the idea alone. DH is very against it as he is a little bit older. We’ve had a lot of support from grandparents with the first two and they wouldn’t be able to help out as much, I think they would actually be quite disapproving of a third, although I know that shouldn’t be a factor.

Part of me is looking forward to starting to get our lives back a bit, but I can’t get over the yearning for a third, no matter how impractical I know it would be.

I do wonder if part of it is that I would have liked a girl although I am very happy with my boys. I wouldn’t be upset if a third turned out to be another boy so I don’t think it’s all about that.

Anyone had similar? How did you get over the feeling? I should add that I never felt broody for my first two, I just felt that I wanted a family but wasn’t broody for a baby in the usual sense and didn’t enjoy pregnancy either way. Now I’ve gone baby crazy!

Anyone in the same boat?

I'm not in the same boat, but maybe just really, really focus on why it's a bad idea?

Use the money you'll save by not having a third to get a sleep trainer in to sort DS2 and enjoy not being so tired?!

Now that’s a good idea! 😂

I always felt I wanted a third. Started trying when dc2 was 2 but had a few miscarriages, was into my 40s and decided to stop trying. I think I did get my head around it as my dc got older and the baby stage passed. I then thought I had been a bit crazy wanting to make the 'pre school days' last for ages as having dc in school gave me more freedom and life felt a bit easier.

And then I unexpectedly got pregnant well into my 40s and now have dc3! It was wierd getting my head around it. No regrets but it's very hard work. But one of the nice things is I now truely know what it feels like to be complete and definitely not want any more kids!

I'm not sure how helpful my post is! But I can tell you I did stop thinking about the 3rd baby and the urge faded but realise now I'd never got that sense of completion that I have now!

I'm the same, I'm 40 and I think its knowing it's literally the last chance

Is it hormonal, I wonder? I was sooooo broody when no2 was little. Then it wore off and now I can't think of anything worse. I was afraid I'd get broody again after weaning but nope. Not a flicker.

Maybe hormonal is the wrong word..Some kind of survival instinct or biological urge. The human race is in no fear of dying out

I feel the same. I have the urge from inside that I can't seem to grip on. My head says no but heart says yes.

For me if I didn't work for myself and we had family support I would go for it. Can you afford it?

Thanks for replies, nice to know I’m not going mad!

In answer to whether we can afford it, we are not wealthy but reasonably comfortable - we could probably manage.

I wondered too about hormones, I read somwhere that when your fertility starts to dip then this can happen 😭

The cons are really the worry about suffering in pregnancy like I did with ds2 and not sleeping properly for another few years.

DH is really not into the idea so this is all moot, I just need to move on.

I’ve never been the particularly maternal type - I always imagined myself having kids but I was never especially broody. After our first two I couldn’t get over the feeling that one was missing. We talked about having a third and both of us were quite open to it. DC2 was (still is!) an appalling sleeper though and I didn’t feel that I was ready to have another as I did after DC1.

Our first two babies were through IVF due to infertility on both sides. So imagine my surprise to find out I was expecting DC3! We now have 3 under 4! It’s hard work - we’re 4 months in and the days are long! But I really have the feeling that DC3 was meant to be here. I’m glad in a way that we didn’t have to make the decision to try for a third as whilst my heart was saying yes in my mind life would obviously have been easier sticking at two. If we hadn’t been lucky enough to fall pregnant I think I would always have wondered about having a third. Now I know for sure that I’m done though! But it’s lovely having 3!

12 months ago I could have written your post. 2 lovely boys the same ages as yours. The youngest did not sleep and whilst we were exhausted DP and I decided that a third and final child would complete our family. We were quite adamant that 3 was the most that we could possibly cope with! But whilst we were up with 1 we may as well be up with 2.... and yes, I think I was probably hoping for a girl!

I was slightly younger than you at 37 and got bfp first cycle, sadly at 6 weeks I miscarried but fell pregnant again straight off the back of it. Had an early scan at 7 weeks only to be shown 2 heartbeats!

I'm now sat here snuggling my very new DT's (2 more boys!) feeling exhausted and struggling to cope. Financially it has changed our plans dramatically and emotionally I feel broken. DS2 now aged 3 still doesn't sleep and DS1 has behavioural problems which have become significantly worse since DT's arrived. However I know these things will all improve massively over the next few months and I couldn't love my family more. I really do feel our family is complete now and wouldn't change it for the world.

I have 2 DD's. After dd2 was born I was incredibly broody. Was just waiting until dd2 was a bit older to try again.

By the time she turned 1 I was starting to waver. I started thinking practically rather than emotionally. How it would effect the girls if something went wrong, the difference spreading our income among 3 rather than 2, holidays, cars, bedrooms.

Honestly what made the most difference was beginning to get a bit of freedom as dd2 started to walk and sleep a bit better. I could see how our lives would move on. I had spent the last 3 years in baby mode and had been happy for that to continue. Babies are addictive!!

I'm now looking forward to a meal out with DH. Haven't done that alone since dd2 was born. I'm imagining a weekend away for my 40th next year instead of being pregnant.

But saying that I'm still only 90% sure that I'm done. We've had a few friends have babies recently and I've been delighted for them without a twinge of envy. Or maybe only the tiniest 😁.

Well if helloooomee ‘s story doesn’t put you off nothing will!

I think perhaps put this down to hormones, appreciate the fantastic two boys you've got and look forward to some better sleep soon. You put in your post that you are barely holding it together now, think of the impact on your mental health and the knock on effect of that on your family of adding a new born into the mix. If youve relied on grandparents in the past and that won't be as much of an option this time around then it will be a lot harder. Kids present challenges at every age, not just toddler and early school years. Do you feel you will have the energy to cope with those challenges and be as responsive as needed to your 2 boys whilst also dealing with the demands of a baby.

I have 3 and have thought of a 4th. My OH is the same as yours and 100% says we are done. I understand where he's coming from because we discussed children when our relationship got serious and it was just a couple that was mentioned.

What makes me feel sad is knowing I'm never going to have that excitement of meeting my newborn, the leaving hospital and bringing baby home thing, it's such an emotionally happy time. But I still have so much more to come with my 3 and I'm focusing on that

Thank you so much for the sensible replies, while still acknowledging the emotional side of it.

I’ve just had a really good chat with DH about it, we are in agreement that it would be too hard, but he acknowledges that he hasn’t got the hormonal/emotional feelings about it that I have. I think I’m just struggling with it because I’ve never really been in the situation where my head says one thing and my heart says another. On this occasion I think it’s best to listen to my head.

Chargertest thank you, I think you’re right. I feel it would be nice for the boys to have another sibling but I don’t think that’s outweighed by the impact it would have on them.

Also I hadn’t even considered twins! 😱 that would be a game changer!

I wasn't intentionally trying to put you off, I do love my very complete family. But, it wasn't what we planned and the first few months of my pregnancy were spent trying to get my head around the fact there was going to be 2 more babies and working out the housing, car, pram situation that was going to work for us. Then figuring out how to finance it!

I'll not lie, it's hard but I also know it will be worth it!