Toddler tantrums - do I need help?

[katelily2017]

Hi everyone,

Dd is 2years 2 months and is having the worst tantrums at the moment and not sure if they're normal?

It's been happening for the last couple of months and just seeming to be getting worse and worse? They all seem to stem from her being overtired which I can't seem to see a reason for as she's having enough sleep?

Last night she had a tantrum before going to bed didn't want to have a bath or take her clothes off wash her face brush her teeth etc and it just got completely out of control.

She was screaming and when I tried to calm her down talking to her she was so angry trying to hit me but then tried to grab my face and squeeze it as hard as she could with her nails. She then started trying to bite my face and anywhere she could. This went on for about 45 minutes until I finally managed to get her undressed and into bed. My dh was away with work. It didn't make me angry or anything i talked to her calmly the whole way through. I eventually went to get her to bed and she bit me so hard I ended up screaming, there was actual blood. After she did that she was obviously shocked that I screamed and she calmed down and did go to sleep. The woke up half an hour later and we had the exact same thing.

She slept well last night woke up in a lovely mood this morning but an hour later and she seems tired and has just done the exact same thing.

I really don't have a clue what's going on? I've not lost my temper with her and I try and give her space to calm down. Offer cuddles and try and ask her to tell me what to do etc but doesn't seem to work?

Her language is brilliant so it's not like she's got a problem expressing herself she can tell me what she wants etc. I took her to the doctors last week and he said she's perfectly healthy but didn't offer any other support.

I am 38 weeks pregnant with dd2 so wondering if it has something to do with that but we've not changed our routine or anything everything is completely normal for her at the moment? She's in nursery 2 days a week and at my mum and dads one day a week and is absolutely fine for them.

Sorry for the MASSIVE post!! Just really don't know what to do! She's such a lovely affectionate little girl most of the time. Feel like I'm failing her!

Xxx

You must have the patience of a saint, OP. Well done.

She's 2, that's what's going on.
She has no control over her very scary emotions, and she's trying to work out what's going on.
You're safe. She knows that, no matter what, you'll love her and be there for her, which is why she's good as gold for others, and plays up for you.
Can you give her some control? Can she pick her pyjamas, or toothbrush, or something? Other than that, there's not much else you can do that you're not already doing - tell her that she's not to hit/kick/bite, it hurts mummy, stay calm if you can, and remember, she'll grow out of it. Promise!

She’s 2. That’s what’s going on. They call it the terrible twos for a reason. You aren’t failing her, it’s totally normal!

@Whitelisbon thanks lovely! So bloody upsetting though! The neighbours must think I'm murdering her! Xxx

@Whitelisbon @FenellaMaxwell thanks for advice both! Yeah constantly giving her options to pick! Let her do it herself etc! Do you think it's normal then? I was just more worried about the aggression not being normal! Xxx

DD started doing this at age 2 as well. Her tantrums are truly epic. It's like she's possessed. She often tries to hurt herself which is awful. The other day she dug her fingers into her eyes and face and drew blood.
I've had some success lately with managing to calm her down, but up until recently nothing I did would help. One thing I did realise was that sometimes she wants to be treated like more of a baby when these episodes are happening. I kept trying to reason with her and ask what was wrong (her speech is excellent so we often have proper conversations), but realistically she can't articulate emotions like that. I think I was asking too much of her and further frustrating her. So I sit on the floor near her with my arms open and eventually she'll tone things down enough for me to cuddle her and rock her. And then it's like it never happened!
So, anyway. I think what your DD is doing is pretty normal. It's completely awful, but it's normal.

She's 2. That's all.

That's why it's known as the terrible twos.

If it makes you feel any better I have a 2 year 2 month old too and she's also been doing this a while.

At 38 weeks it probably seems a bigger issue then it would otherwise because you can't physically/emotionally deal with it in the same way you could if you weren't pregnant.

She's fine with everyone else because they aren't as familiar to her and she doesn't know how far she can push boundaries and still be safe. It's testament to how much she is bonded with you that she feels safe enough to really test the boundaries.

I make a big deal of when DD has calmed down by asking to have a hug to make friends again whilst telling her that the behaviour was silly and hurt/made mummy/DC2/the cat etc sad.

My DS is 2.5 ... I’m very much a “gentle” parent but we have these sorts of meltdowns too- and I have to say recently it’s really tested my mettle in terms of remaining calm, empathetic etc.

Haven’t lost it (yet) but I absolutely let my natural reactions to him hurting me show. It’s important that they see cause and effect etc- so don’t worry that you screamed - it’s in essence a positive lesson for your daughter.

And it’s all so normal- don’t worry about that either!

I am going through the exact same thing with ds. Every task turns into an almighty tantrum. I don't have the patience you do though and have to walk away for a few moments.
I'm constantly getting hit, bitten, scratched and I can't wear jewellery as he rips out my earrings or breaks my necklaces. Tantrums can go on for an hour and a half with no let up at all.
I just think some children are more emotional and don't know how to control it yet.
All the books I've read say it will pass.
I'm currently reading Jo Frosts confident toddler care which is really helpful.
Good luck.

@Wavingwhiledrowning thank you! That's a good idea about trying to treat her more like a baby! I do try and sit and open my arms to her but she's got a good punch on her for s two year old! Thank you making me feel a lot less worried xxx

@pastabest thanks so much for your response, not nice for you but so glad to here It's normal! Really appreciate it xxx

@TheSheepofWallSt thanks so much!!! Really appreciate hearing that you're in the same boat! Xxx

@Grumblepants thanks so much! It makes such a difference hearing I'm not alone. God they're hard work aren't they! God thank god ive got no nice jewellery left! Xxx

I had similar with my 2 year old when dh was away with work. You mention your dh being away, are they relating to him being away.
I thought my 2 year old was losing it, but they stopped as abruptly as they started.
As an aside op, have you got any books for preparing her for the new baby? We enjoyed “ there’s a house inside my mummy” and topsy and tim and an Osborne book about a new baby. Hope her tantrums stop as abruptly as my dc2 did.

@Sweetpotatoaddict that's a good point actually, this one was off the scale compared to her usual tantrums and he'd been away for two nights rather than his usual one so definitely could have something to do with it!

Aww yes, we've bought a couple but she loves T&T so I'm going to order that one too now!!!

Thanks again for your advice xxx

No problem, good luck! You must be exhausted

My 3 year old is still doing this. Started around 18 months.

You're not alone. It’s really hard. I thought it would be better by now but it's still bad

Have you tried some consequences for her behaviour? Maybe you could try putting her in town out or using the naughty step technique? If it is getting to the point of her physically hurting you, then I think it is time to firmly tell no, make sure she is in a safe place and walk away from her and ignore it until she calms down.