To move plans for a second child forward??

[HellsandBells]

Hi all,

I’ve lurked on Mumsnet for a while now (don’t most new mums?!), but I’ve just registered to specifically ask this question.

My husband and I have a 16-month old boy. I work 3 days a week, partly to spend time with our son but also due to caring for my parents as my mum has had multiple health issues over the past few years. Three of my afternoons out of my four days off are spent visiting them.

My husband has been working a one-year contract. He had been told that he might be kept on permanently as they are very impressed with him, so we provisionally planned to start trying for a second child at the end of this year, so that the birth of a second child might/sort of (who can plan these things, really?) coincide with our eldest being eligible for 30 ‘free’ hours at nursery.

Today my husband found out that he is being kept on, but only for another one-year contract. There is still an option for this to become permanent but he won’t find out until the same time next year. By our original plan, this would be during my pregnancy. And it could be that he well ends up unemployed whilst I am due to give birth. Whilst he has a good chance at getting another job off the back of this, there is obviously no guarantee.

My husband really enjoys his place of work. He went through hell in his last job, so I want him to enjoy this job and see if it leads to a permanent role.

So we have a decision.

We can try for another child now. This could potentially mean having a newborn alongside a just-2 year-old boy. This is the major drawback as I think it sounds really hard and always set my heart on aiming for a 3-year age gap.

Financially though, we can cope without going into any debt and can keep our lb in nursery 3-days a week. We would have no spare money and would have only pennies to spend on ourselves. But that’s okay.

I can then return to work to coincide with my husband potentially becoming unemployed. We could just about cope on my part-time wage, as my husband could always stay at home with the children if he was unable to find work. He’s happy to do this. In this scenario, I would be 37 whilst having my second child.

The other option is to stick to our plan and risk financial ruin when my husband becomes unemployed and I’m on paltry part-time maternity pay!! We have no savings, as husband’s previous hellish job led to him resigning for the good of his own mental health and we used our savings to make that happen (no regrets). We would be relying on him getting another job. I would be taking maternity leave - that’s a must for me (and luckily, my husband’s happy with this!). I have a lot more energy than my husband and cope a lot better with total lack of sleep! But this maternity leave also gives me more time to spend with my parents. I’m happy to return to work sooner than my first child, but it would still have to be part-time due to my parents.

The plus side of this is that our little boy would be closer to 3 when a second child might be born. But I would be 38.

Also, the longer we leave it, the harder it might potentially be to get pregnant. And he could end up on another one-year contract somewhere!

Financially, it makes more sense to do it now. Husband is definitely in favour of this.

But how hard is it with a newborn and a 2-year old? We have friends who’ve done this and have really struggled. Hence my apprehension.

TIA

I think a 2 year gap (or a bit less) is very normal, it must be manageable or people wouldn’t keep doing it. Considering your age I would go with plan A. Good luck.

All things considered, I would wait another year. If you've no savings, there's no safety net if something unfortunate and unexpected happens. Your situation is precarious, financially and emotionally. There are three years between my two and it's great; less rivalry. Also, I had DS at 40 and whilst not ideal, it's not too late.

Thanks for your reply. My concern with this is that it could be that my husband doesn’t find a secure, permanent contract for the next couple/few of years (as most jobs in his profession start on one-year contracts and are often not extended into permanent roles) and we end up putting a second child off until it’s too late. Savings are something we might not have for a few years, regardless of the cutbacks we make, at least not enough to help us if something unfortunate happens.

It could never be the right time.

It sounds like we’ve made our mind up, but we haven’t as, having had a different timescale in our heads, doing this now seems too soon (for me at least!).

Thanks for your reply.

You’re right. People do it and come out the other side. It just looks like really hard work .

I found newborn and just 2 year old much easier than newborn and 3.5 year old (and 5.5 year old).

3 year olds don't nap, they have schedules (, preschool set start time), they need more active days and lots of social contact. 2 year olds don't need to be anywhere at any particular time, and you can have a lazy start to the day together if the baby's kept you up all night.