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Original poster

DH’s six months full pay paternity leave

17 replies

Tobebythesea · 26/03/2019 19:33

I’m due our second baby in summer. When we had our first child DH had a generous four weeks paid paternity leave and took it in two fortnight blocks. Brilliant. I took 10 months mat leave with two months full pay and the rest SMP.

I’ve since changed jobs and I’m now only entitled to SMP. Fine but obviously not great. I plan to only take six months mat leave this time as I only work two days a week and I personally found ten months too long. No family support etc.

He didn’t want to take paternity leave (above a month) last time as it would only be SMP and it wouldn’t make financial sense. Only 2% of fathers took up the offer of paternity leave Europe wide at his firm to give some context.

Fast forward to now and DH’s work now offer six months full paternity leave so money is obviously no longer an issue. He says he’s not going to take over a month as before stating the impact of career progression if too long out or if he takes say three months, colleagues would joke he’s having a jolly.

So even if all fathers were offered full pay paternity leave, do you think would most not take it?

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NoArmaniNoPunani · 26/03/2019 19:35

My DH and i did shared leave, i took 4 months and he took 5. We both only got the statutory pay.

Original poster

Tobebythesea · 26/03/2019 19:38

Do you think father’s being offered better pay paternity leave would increase take up of shared leave?

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Rtmhwales · 26/03/2019 19:42

I'm not in the UK anymore but in Canada where we get 52 weeks leave. The first 15 I believe have to be taken by the mother to recover from childbirth but the other 37 can be split at the same rate of pay. As long as the mother agrees, most of my friends' husbands have been keen to stay home with baby. I think it's great. None have worried about their career profession. It's six months not six years.

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Redshoeblueshoe · 26/03/2019 19:42

No because father's are well aware what happens to women's careers when they take maternity leave.

donquixotedelamancha · 26/03/2019 19:48

I'd have loved to take 6 months but finances dictated that DW had to take it all. Fortunately I get a lot of other chances to look after them, but it's not enough.

If all fathers got 6 months full pay I don't think it would take too long for childcare norms to be a lot more equal. I think it's going the right way now, but slowly. My elderly mum thinks I'm odd, but equal care is the norm amongst my middle aged mates.

Your husband's attitude seems a shame to me. A few jokes hardly compare to the joy of looking after your baby.

DrWhy · 26/03/2019 19:57

DH is taking 2 months of parental leave at the end of my Mat leave. I earn more so it would actually make financial sense for me to go back sooner, however having gone back at 8.5 months last time and been up all night with a bottle refusing baby for 4 months I am not keen to go back so early this time. DH is also worrying about the effect on his career, our company in theory encourages it but he was treated shockingly when he took a month with our first. I only know of one other person who’s DH is taking SPL among all the people I’ve talked to at baby group and at work.
Money is definitely one issue (most women want to take the first part to recover, the later part is usually unpaid, men are statistically likely to be the higher earner) but the other two comments I usually hear are ‘I’m not giving him my leave / she doesn’t want to give up her leave’ and I’m not sure it would go down well at work.
Giving men more paid leave would help but it would take gradual social shift for it to become the new normal.

Tachy · 26/03/2019 19:58

My DP would 100% take it but I do feel that a lot of men wouldn't. Do you feel like he's saying it's okay for you to sacrifice your career but not him?

CostanzaG · 26/03/2019 20:00

So it's okay for your career progression to take a hit but not his?
Has he always displayed misogynistic tendencies?

DrWhy · 26/03/2019 20:08

It’s not quite as simple as his career taking an equal hit as yours if you both take 6 months leave in many places. Mat leave is the norm and most HR departments are hyper aware of not discriminating against women on mat leave (at least in my sector). The same is not yet true of men taking SPL. DH and I work for the same company, response to my mat leave ‘congratulations’ and promoting me at 8 months pregnant. Response to DHs request for parental leave ‘but you can’t do that’ ‘that doesn’t work for the business’ they eventually agreed but with HR involvement and when he returned from his leave he’d been undermined while he was away. I had to really push to get him to take it again and he only agreed because he had a new boss.

Original poster

Tobebythesea · 26/03/2019 20:13

I don’t think he has misogynistic thinking at all. I think it’s more about how society in general feels about childcare and the role of women, although it’s slowly changing. Take up of shared paternal leave in the UK is shockingly low.

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donquixotedelamancha · 26/03/2019 20:13

Mat leave is the norm and most HR departments are hyper aware of not discriminating against women on mat leave (at least in my sector). The same is not yet true of men taking SPL.

This is very true, but equally the perception that women are the primary carer is still entrenched and some bosses will avoid recruiting or promoting women with young kids. I suspect the balance is still that the hit to a man's career would be less in most cases.

CostanzaG · 26/03/2019 20:17

It is misogynistic thinking both on an individual and societal level.
We need more men to take shared parental leave to overcome societal norms.
It sounds like his organisation has put the procedures in place for him to do so.. it's his decision not to take it.
Again, why is it okay for your career development to suffer but not his? Not that there is any guarantee that will actually happen - in the same sense not all women's careers suffer.

darceybussell · 26/03/2019 20:25

He's being pretty stupid to be honest. He can either be at work and get paid, or not be at work and get paid, and he is actively choosing to be at work? Crazy! It's only 6 months, no one will even notice he's gone! And there will be work from before he went off that is still outstanding when he gets back...

Asdf12345 · 26/03/2019 20:30

Why should both parents take a career hit?

CostanzaG · 26/03/2019 20:32

Why should only one? And why should it be the woman?

And it doesn't necessarily mean taking a career hit.

birdybirdbird · 26/03/2019 21:19

My husband took the first three months off with me as shared parental leave. His company has excellent parental leave pay so it seemed foolish not to take it. It has not hindered his career in the slightest - in fact HR have been using him as some sort of poster boy to promote it 😂 I think he has a much better bond with our baby as a result and he also has FULL appreciation for how bloody hard it was for me doing it solo when he went back to work.

TheCraicDealer · 26/03/2019 21:40

DH is taking two months at the end of my six months. I'm only getting SMP plus car allowance, whereas DH is getting 50% of his normal salary for those two months. He should also be able to take two weeks annual leave at the start in addition to paternity leave, so that's another month at the start. I'm pleased with this as I think it'll help set the pattern for our parenting relationship in the future.

However one of the reasons this is happening is that DH is leaving his job (forces) and frankly doesn't give a hoot about what his colleagues or superiors think at this stage. If he was in a job where he was worried about that or how it would effect his prospects he might be less inclined to do those two months.

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