Teenage Daughter Missing and Not Going to School

[SDaileyX]

I'm at my wits end with my daughter who has in recent weeks turned 14. Any advice would be greatly received. It's just me and her at home always has been from a baby, never lived with another partner or had anymore children. From the age of 10 things started to get really hard with her behaviour. She went from a lovely little girl to a nightmare. She would run away from me on collecting her from (last year junior school) and be missing for hours. The police would be called. It was around this time she started to steal and hit me and smash the house up. She did spend 5 weeks in foster care after she made allegations that I had hit her, it was an awful time I was only allowed supervised contact, was interviewed by the police but was not taken any further. She then started to make these allegations on a regular basis, where SS would remove her and she would be back within a few days. SS signed us off and I moved from the area Id grew up in due to what had been happening. When she was in foster care she was also regularly going missing. When she came home she was assed by camms but wouldn't engage so that was that. She's now 3rd year high school. She doesn't go to school anymore hasn't been for 3 weeks now. Last half term her neck was covered (and I mean Covered) in love bites. I have had her friends smash windows kick my front door in due to trouble she has had with them. my daughter also regularly smashes my house up, rips doors off (all of the inside ones to be exact) pulls my hair punches me has tried to push me down the stairs twice, I could go on. She leaves the house at 8am each morning in her own clothes and doesn't return until 9-10pm, having not gone to school. She has a facebook account she has blocked me on but she regularly changes her relationship status with different boys, all around her age and from our area. I found condoms in her room along with the contraceptive pill (which she hasn't been taking properly as days had been missed and her periods have been very iritic, now I know why) We have a new social worker who is aware of all these issues but says alls she can do is offer me parenting classes, which I have refused as I really don't think they will work. I need serious help the school are no help either, don't know where else to turn. I have no control over her and don't even feel I know here anymore. We don't have any close family and her father isn't in the picture. At what point if any will the social worker step in and remove her? I really don't want that but feel I can't keep her safe or even get her to school.

Oh dear, this sounds awful for you.

Can you think of any thing that triggered it? Why did she start running away from you? Do you have any idea why she wants to hurt you? What do you guys do for fun?

Lots of questions, I'm. Sorry.

Thanks for your reply. There was nothing that changed in our lives besides her dad being in and out of her life, which I know upsets her. She wants to hang around parks/the street and I wont allow it, this can be the only reason for her running away. This has carried on her 3/4 years now though. Her reasons for hurting me is that shes angry( this can be me just asking where she has been)WE do lots of things for fun. Holidays abroad, seaside, fairs So its not like I don't spend or want to spend time with her. she just seems boy mad and its very distressing to see the things she will do for attention

Do you think counselling would help? Sounds like her dad coming and going has affected her and she might need some help to come to terms with it?

For her own protection see if you can convince her to get a contraceptive inplant.

I would take her to get the implant.

Everytime she is violent or breaks something ring the police so they can keep a record.

Can the social worker get in touch with the youth service to see whether you can have a worker to support both of you?

Are you not having meetings with the social worker and school to plan on how to go forward?

Hi OP. This sounds horrendous. I really don't want to cause undue upset, but she is at serious risk of being groomed for child sexual exploitation. The school has a duty of care towards her, and I would be asking them what they are doing in terms of safeguarding. Going missing from school is a known risk factor, so the school should be taking action already. I think this situation is beyond counselling, as I can't imagine she'd be up for that if she is violent and refusing to go to school. Please be careful with saying things like "she's boy mad". I know you don't mean to place blame with her, but it's really important not to use language that implies a child played a part in becoming a victim of CSE (not saying she is, but if she is the last thing you'd want is for her to feel like you think she brought it upon herself).

Good luck, it sounds so tough! You sound like a great mum and you're doing all the right things!

Have a look at pathological demand avoidance. It is a form of atypical autism and any kind of ASD in girls often becomes increasingly obvious at around 10 years.
The national autistic society has good information on their website. The level of avoidance, vulnerability and refusal to engage makes me think of pda.