Helping big sister adjust to baby... she’s feeling overwhelmed!

[HJE17]

DD is 20 months old, DS is 3.5 days old (woohoo!).

DD is totally smitten with DS but has been feeling a bit overwhelmed. We realized after a couple of days that somehow she thought DS was HER responsibility, including in the middle of the night (she was waking up and running across the house to him at the slightest whimper to make sure he was ok, and was getting very distressed if she couldn’t figure out why he was crying... that’s a lot of pressure for someone under 2! Talk about the challenges of being a young mum... eek!) We’ve been trying to explain to her that a big sister can HELP with the baby but mostly just needs to love and cuddle him, and the parents can take care of the practicalities. She’s starting to catch on and last night was better. She’s totally exhausted though, and has missed about 12 hours of sleep over the past 3 days. Poor thing... She’s been skipping her naps (refusing to go down even when a parent or grandparent stays with her for 2+ hours...) and having uncharacteristic meltdowns over absolutely nothing. She also needs to know where the baby is at all times, and prefers to keep him within sight so she can go over and give spontaneous kisses and cuddles. It’s sweet but it’s exhausting for everyone involved!

Today is a daycare day and we’re hoping the routine and a bit of distance will be good for her.

Any tips, though, for helping a toddler adjust to a new baby?

Bless her. I don't have any answers but I didn't want to leave your post unanswered.

Hopefully when she is back in a routine, she'll settle down.

It must be a big change for her but its lovely that she is so taken with her little brother.

Oh gosh. No experience but it sounds like her understanding is good so can she have special big sister jobs so she knows what her remit is? Bringing muslins over, choosing his clothes, "reading" to him before naps?

Congratulations

Thanks for the replies! I like the idea of her getting to “read” to him and do other fun things. I was already getting her to sing to him. Maybe if we start with just those fun bits as her job, then she’ll relax somewhat.

Everything I’d read before having DS suggested getting your toddler involved in nappy changes etc so that they still feel a part of the family and understand what is going on, but in her particular case I may ease off on that and focus on just the fun stuff and not draw attention to the rest. Honestly this girl has been carrying the weight of the world on her shoulders the past few days!

That's very sweet of her! I'm marking my place as we have 2yo DD and I'm due number 2 soon so wouldn't mind some ideas on getting toddler used to get new sibling!