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Parenting consistently

2 replies

PuffedupPufferFish · 25/03/2019 09:27

My DH is a great dad - really engaged and an absolutely equal parent to our 2 y.o DD. However, I work part time so am at home with her a bit more, but he often takes her out at the weekend etc.

The thing I struggle with is ensuring consistency between the two of us. We do talk about parenting approaches, and agree methods in theory, but in the heat of the moment I think our approaches can be quite different.

I think I am more inclined to pick my battles and say yes to her in the first place, but also a bit stricter in my approach to tantrums. I (of course!) think my parenting style is perhaps more effective, but I don't think his is awful by any stretch of the imagination. I think being home with her a bit more has helped me to refine my own strategies and approach. However, I am always impressed at his ability to go with the flow - I massively overthink.

I really, really don't want to be constantly undermining him saying "no don't do it like that" or "that's not what we agreed to do", particularly not in front of her. I think that would be really unfair, and I think he has to find his own way. But I am also a bit worried about confusing her with an inconsistent approach. How much at this age will she be able to understand we have different approaches? My gut is to just leave him to it, but am I going to set us up for problems further down the line? I can give some examples of different approaches if that would be helpful, but I am aware this is already quite long!

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NuffSaidSam · 25/03/2019 11:19

I think children actually adapt well to different rules with different people (within reason obviously!).

So, one rule with dad and one with mum is generally ok! As long as he isn't undermining you/you're not undermining him when you're together then it should be fine.

She'll just learn Mum is more likely to say yes to something, but if it's a no then have a tantrum with Dad because he's a softer touch! Kids are clever!

PuffedupPufferFish · 25/03/2019 18:47

"She'll just learn Mum is more likely to say yes to something, but if it's a no then have a tantrum with Dad because he's a softer touch"

This is exactly what I hope will happen! Seems much better to both get on with it our on way, within some agreed parameters, but didn't want to massively confuse her. I suppose discipline at nursery is probably totally different, and she just gets in with it there. But because I don't know, I don't think about it.

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