4 year old daughter 'doesn't love daddy'

[pfrench]

She apparently loves me best, doesn't want to spend time with him or be nice to him.

She's not nice to him. He's tried to talk with her about it, He's tried changing his behaviour around her, to no avail.

Normal birth situation, he found the new born stage tricky.. actually he's found every stage tricky.. although he's also enjoyed lots of parenting stuff. He's not overly strict or odd with her, she just apparently prefers women and men other than her dad.

What can we do about it?

What do you mean he found it tricky and how did he need to change his behaviour?

My dd feels the same about me, has done since she was around 4. I know she loves me really but it would be much nicer if she was less vocal about telling us he's her favourite. all I can suggest is he spends plenty of time with her and let's the comments wash over him or say that's fine because he loves her lots. they do sting, just don't be like my dh and encourage it

Ignore her. Don't indulge it - make sure she does plenty of stuff with both him and you and you both together. If she says she doesn't want to do stuff with their dad, then tough, she has to - she's 4and he doesn't get to choose!

Dont give it too much attention. Maybe talk up dad when you can. And give them some time alone together so she does spend time with him rather than opt for you.

My daughter was like that up until the age of 6, then for some unknown reason she became a daddy's girl.

I think she just became more independent from mummy.

She’s 4 and doesn’t know exactly what she’s saying. Hate from a 4 year old isn’t the same as an adult saying it!

Although how is he exactly with her?

Agree with completely ignoring it. I wouldn't speak about it as it's getting her attention if you do and it's likely the attention she is wanting although am sure she gets loads of that already!. I think it's likely to be a phase. I'd just keep on doing things together as a family.

She's old enough to to understand what she's doing and revel in the attention this is getting her.

I'd ignore anything she says about you being the favourite etc. Don't say anything positive or negative in response, just ignore. If she's really not nice to her daddy to the point where it's rude or excessively hurtful then that gets treated the same as if she wasn't nice to another child or to another adult and there should be a consequence.

He should also make an effort to do fun things just the two of them to try and build up some nice memories and time together.

Behaviour change - more doing stuff she wants (when possible), rather than telling her. More role play etc. He's loads better at play than I am.

Tricky.. hmm, I think he just didn't enjoy being a parent for a long time. He was/is, to my mind, a good dad. No shoutiness or anything.

Thanks for advice. I talked to her about him tonight and bigged him up. Again. We'll see.

He asked me to talk to her, wouldn't have done it otherwise.

My DS would running screaming "No Daddy No" every day when DH got from work from 2yo to 4yo. It was very trying and DH was very hurt (didn't show it to DS). Then suddenly daddy was flavour of the month and they've been as thick as thieves ever since.
I put it down to toddlers being arses tbh.