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Play date problem

8 replies

Reddragonqueen · 23/03/2019 07:51

Hi all. I met a lovely lady almost four years ago at at new baby group, we both had girls, 4 weeks apart. I didnt go to the group much but maybe 6/7 times.

When the girls were about 18m she got in touch and asked if I'd like to meet up. I said yes and we chatted and arranged. The day of said meet up she cancelled. And she's been doing this ever since. The girls are nearly 4 now and I've maybe met up with her 5 times in all this time but with nearly monthly meet ups arranged that she cancels.

It's really frustrating. I really like her; I think we get on well and if I'm honest I think she suffers with social anxiety which is why I haven't sacked her off completely but I'm getting really sick of the whole thing

Another problem is that her daughter is nothing like mine. I'm not trying to be mean, I fully accept that this says more about my child then hers considering they're 4 but her child is chaos. My Dd is so well behaved and kind and shares plays lovely but her daughter will start a play date being nice talking about how they're best friends but after 30 mins she won't share and is mean to my dd and has gone as far as pushing her. My daughter doesn't want to see her anymore and I can totally see why she wouldn't. Her mum is terrible at discipline

However this mum just keeps on wanting to meet up and I'm not the kind of person to ignore someone and lie. My husband keeps telling me to make up excuses but I'm not good at that.

I am now at the point of thinking she's not my responsibility to be nice to as one of her only mum friends but I hate the idea of someone having no friends. The last two times she's bailed I've just gave a short reply and not tried to continue any conversation but she just messages again a few days later to arrange.

What should I do?

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Dontcarewhatimdoing · 23/03/2019 08:10

I think you need to be straight with her and ask her what's going on. Let her know that you are fed up with the constant cancelling. You may be right that she suffers with social anxiety but it is not fair of her to keep messing you about.

NoTNoShade · 23/03/2019 08:16

I think being straight with her is a good idea. These things are always less stressful for everyone if they are on neutral territory too. Rather than in one of your houses.

user1493413286 · 23/03/2019 08:18

I would ask her in the gentlest way why she keeps cancelling? That would drive me crazy as it would leave me with nothing planned.
Also couldn’t you just arrange to meet up with just her for drinks in the evening if your DD doesn’t want to see her. I wouldn’t really be pushing her to play with her if she doesn’t enjoy it

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reefedsail · 23/03/2019 08:19

Can you just tell her somewhere you are going to be going anyway (soft play, the park or whatever) and say she can meet you there if she wants to rather than making any firm plans?

If she tries to pin it down just say 'I know you sometimes have difficulty making the dates we arrange, so just come along xyz if you happen to be free.' Then leave it at that.

Gizlotsmum · 23/03/2019 08:22

Hopefully once they start school she will make other friends. I would let it cool off no big drama. If your daughter doesn't enjoy the play date I wouldn't force them. Could you move the play dates to an activity so they are both able to do their own thing but you see the mum?

PolarBearDisguisedAsAPenguin · 23/03/2019 08:22

The next time she tries to arrange something just say you don’t know what you will be doing then but if she is still free at the time she is welcome to message you and you can take it from there as you don’t feel preplanned dates are working out.

jackio2205 · 23/03/2019 08:31

I have a friend like this and I just don't agree to meet, when she says 'oh we should meet up' i say yeah alright, then i don't follow up, when she tries to make plans I just say 'oh i cant, maybe next time' type of thing. She's great and we get on so well, but the constant being blown out I just couldn't hack. Don't take it personally, some people are just like that and if she is like that deep down, you probably wouldn't want to get closer to her anyway? X

Reddragonqueen · 23/03/2019 16:43

Thanks for the replies. I try not to meet at our houses, my house ended up a huge mess after she'd been here and her dd wouldn't share toys at her house so I try and get her to meet at the park. She's arranged to meet again this Thursday so I'll see what happens but if she cancels that I'll have to say something

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