Please or to access all these features

Add post

Watch this thread

Save thread

Start a new thread

Flip thread

Hide thread

My feed

Active Unanswered threads

Getting started FAQ's

Unanswered threads Acronyms Talk guidelines

Hide shortcut buttons

Talk

Parenting

For free parenting resources please check out the Early Years Alliance's Family Corner.

Flip

1 2

Original poster

Getting annoyed with MIL- am I overreacting?

45 replies

Rainbowsandsnowdrops · 22/03/2019 14:16

I have an 8 month old daughter. It’s been hard as she had colic and is a very active baby! I’m quite sensitive when it comes to my parenting so I wanted to post here.

MIL and I don’t have much in common but generally get on fine. Since I had the baby I have been getting a few comments which has irritated me and made me not want to spend time with her.

They came over for dinner the other day. DD was just in a vest, ready to eat. Our house is nice and warm and she doesn’t wear socks in the house because she pulls them off. First thing MiL says (in a passive aggressive way to the baby). Is “where are your socks, your feet are cold”. We said no honestly, she’s fine. I was polite and let it go as she’s done this before.

I then turn around to find she has found some socks and put them on the baby! I got visibly annoyed and I’ve been thinking about it ever since.

The rest of the evening she sneered at baby led weaning and made comments- despite us explaining what it is and why we’re doing it. She didn’t like me comforting my daughter when she was crying as they were playing with her.

I also got comments about her sleeping on her front- she’s 8 months! She’s been doing that since she could roll at 4 months - what am I going to do, tie her up?

I just find her hard work.

Am I overreacting and if so- how do I learn to put up with it?! I know I probably need to chill out but I put everything into looking after my daughter and just don’t need the criticism!

OP posts:

Are your children’s vaccines up to date?

Set a reminder

CallMeRachel · 22/03/2019 16:16

@Bookworm4 Why are new mums so bloody sensitive, does it never occur to you that someone with experience is making a suggestion? Babies born after 2005 aren't the first in existence and also over the years advice/fads come and go, my DC are from 13/24 and ideas on how to raise babies have changed and changed back and again, so just because you think it's best doesn't mean it is or that everyone will agree with you.

But it's not her MILs place to be making any 'suggestions'. She is her husband's mother, not the babies mother.
She was there as a visitor, she didn't have sole charge of the child therefore pointless and unnecessary criticism and interference is inappropriate. Surely you must know that??

Why do so many MILs shoot themselves in the foot by alienating their DIL's because they simply can't respect their position and keep their opinions to themselves?

Bookworm4 · 22/03/2019 16:27

A comment about socks is hardly a crime or interference

StealthPolarBear · 22/03/2019 16:29

Bur the comment about back to sleep is wrong. Does the lullaby Trust really say that?!

Interested in this thread?

Then you might like threads about these subjects:

6-9 months old Babies & sleep Families General parenting

SauvingnonBlanketyBlanc · 22/03/2019 16:29

Oh God I hate passive aggressive comments like that

Chocolateisfab · 22/03/2019 16:29

Next time dh has no socks on remind mil to have a go at him!

Original poster

Rainbowsandsnowdrops · 22/03/2019 16:30

The sleep thing is not correct for a normally developing eight month old no. That's just stupid

Exactly. It’s ridiculous she even felt she had to ‘warn’ us.

OP posts:

Original poster

Rainbowsandsnowdrops · 22/03/2019 16:31

Bookworm I didn’t really care too much about the comment. I was willing to let that go. It was the more ignoring what we said and then putting socks on her.

OP posts:

StealthPolarBear · 22/03/2019 16:32

Maybe check with her that she (mil) also sleeps on her back. She knows how important it is.

CallMeRachel · 22/03/2019 16:36

@Bookworm4 A comment about socks is hardly a crime or interference

No one said it was a crime
Yes it's interference, the babies mother had answered her unnecessary comment about no socks. Not being satisfied at the mothers reply, she then continued to interfere and cross the line by going and getting her socks and put them on her baby!!

What part of that do you see is not interfering??

Honestly OP give the woman a doll. The rude cow wouldn't be invited back to my home again since she clearly can't respect your position as the mother.

JassyRadlett · 22/03/2019 16:40

Bur the comment about back to sleep is wrong. Does the lullaby Trust really say that?!

It does not.

It advises to place babies to sleep on their backs, and notes once they can roll they’ll find their own sleeping positions.

The socks comment is only mildly irritating but then ignoring OP saying the baby was fine and going and getting socks anyway would have annoyed me too.

Bookworm4 · 22/03/2019 16:56

I just don't think it's worse causing a huge drama over, your DH could speak to her without a fallout.

neversaidaword · 22/03/2019 17:14

Oh yes I got the baby led lectures from PIL and my own parents. My mum had "nightmares" about it and bought me a blender. I think I only used it twice

I think this stuff does come from a kind place of concern, but yes it's vvvvvvv annoying. It also means when you accidentally ask them something or might want advice they start off by saying you're doing it all wrong. Never ask for advice is my advice

Caterina99 · 24/03/2019 03:04

My mil (who is lovely) was forever putting socks on my DS. It was 30c. I just let her get on with it and he just ripped them off constantly. She is from Ireland though so I think she just can’t help herself.

TigerQuoll · 24/03/2019 06:52

Have you considered actually having a conversation with her about it? More communication is always better. How many movies have you seen where the plot would have resolved itself on five minutes had the two main characters simply told each other how they felt?

AuntieCJ · 24/03/2019 07:13

Plus- she’s my baby so if I say she doesn’t need socks- surely she should just respect that?

You do know how daft that sounds? Respect? Over socks?

Such an over reaction.

Motherofcreek · 24/03/2019 07:28

Why are new mums so bloody sensitive, does it never occur to you that someone with experience is making a suggestion? Babies born after 2005 aren't the first in existence and also over the years advice/fads come and go, my DC are from 13/24 and ideas on how to raise babies have changed and changed back and again, so just because you think it's best doesn't mean it is or that everyone will agree with you

Baby is 8 months old and op has done a good enough job of keep him alive till now! Nothing worse than unsolicited advice of some one that thinks they know better than you.

Why can’t people just mind their own business and let parents look after their own children with out gagging to intervene?

OP I would have 100% took the socks off and told her he doesn’t need them.

My DGM and MIL were the same, mil took me pushing back in a direct challenge and quietly simmered away where as my one DGM would get outwardly frustrated.

My DGM rang me up last night to tell my I shouldn’t move to my new house - on Friday- because she was scared my children would drown as there is stream and canal near by. I have over ten years swimming teaching/water safety and lifeguard experience. Yet obviously I’m not going to watch my children properly

They just can’t help it!

Motherofcreek · 24/03/2019 07:31

And yes to baby led weaning. My mil used to leave the room because she ‘couldn’t bare it’

Barbarafromblackpool · 24/03/2019 07:37

That sort of thing is pretty annoying. It’s a dig at you basically. I took my baby on the protest march yesterday, and my mil told my husband to tell me ‘to look after baby’. Yeah ok.

Margotshypotheticaldog · 24/03/2019 07:41

As a pp suggested, I used to agree with Mil, and then carry on with what I was doing (ie the wrong thing)
She gave constant unsolicited advice/criticism. I would say "Ah yes, you're probably right about that" and carry on. It really confused her.
You just have to learn to ignore her. And maybe as they get older, have your oh take the kids to visit her without you. Then she can comment all she likes, but you don't have to listen to it.

HexagonalBattenburg · 25/03/2019 13:49

My MIL used to do the "oooh she says..." comments speaking FOR the baby (and usually putting me down with digs in the process) and it drove me bloody barmy. Thankfully DD1 was a very very early talker which shut that one down fairly effectively as the one thing DD1 does NOT need is a spokesperson!

Now she just ignores any instructions given to her when she has the kids - and we're not talking about precious parenting instructions here - we're talking about instructions regarding management of medical and developmental conditions and she refuses to accept that DD2's speech problems are as a result of a specific diagnosis and just witters on that "oooh she's catching up fantastically" (yes, she's catching up because we've spent thousands on speech therapy and hours of me diligently doing the homework with her every day).

I grit teeth and leave any stays with grandma to weekends as there's less she can fuck up ignoring the medical stuff that way (and DH won't back me in reading the riot act on it). I concluded when the baby monologuing began that she was never going to listen to me and it's proven to be true.

Flip

1 2