Is my toddler 'normal'?

[Nuttyaboutnutella]

I've posted previously about my son not enjoying baby/toddler group. I left it for about 6 months and recently decided to try him again. He recently turned 2. Took him to one yesterday and it's still the same.

He hated it as soon as we went it, he became unsettled, grizzly and just generally unhappy. We had to come away after an hour as he was so miserable.

At home, he's happy, confident and a very happy little boy. We can go to the library, beach, Tesco without issue. But as soon as we go into a group, he's a different child.

One thing I've noticed is all of the other children happily play with toys, have some interaction with each other and seem calmer. Whereas my son doesn't play much with toys and won't entertain playing with other children at all.

At home, he prefers books, blocks, water play etc. He won't touch his other toys (Toot toot, etc). Hes also not talking yet, at all (currently awaiting to see a speech and language therapist).

I'm not sure what I'm really looking for. Advice, reassurance, words of 'been there, done that, my child is now happy and sociable) .

He's a lovely little boy and I'm so proud to be his mum, but sometimes I feel like I've done something wrong, failed him, or something. Just feeling really low that he still hates toddler groups as he doesn't get much opportunity to socialise with other children. None of my friends have children except one but we're not able to see each other often.

Does he sound normal or should I be worried?

Anyone?

Does he go to a childminder or nursry?
Does he interact with any other kids ?

Not quite as extreme but I had one who really struggled at these groups. Had to sit by me all the time, hated the circle time and wouldn't join in doing hop little bunnies etc, felt anxious when another kid tried to join them in playing with something etc.

We did keep going, but some weeks I wondered why!!

Could you try taking a few of his favourite books and reading those for 20 mins then leaving - maybe he'd then have a positive association with the place and you could gradually build on that.

These groups are for the parents (mainly mums) more than the kids though. If you're ONLY going for his benefit than I wouldn't worry - just try again in 6 months time. For me it was a bit of sanity and where I made a few friends so I stuck with it and refused to buckle!

Oh, and that kid is now happily settled in school. Not the most boisterous or outgoing, but perfectly happy and sociable.

*Does he go to a childminder or nursry?
Does he interact with any other kids ?
*

No, no he's never been as my mum has him to days a week when I work.

I can take him to soft play and he's fine, but he just hates groups. No, he's not interested in other children at all, prefers being around adults.

sleep warrior that's quite reassuring.

I should add, we did find one group that he was fine in, very quiet and had more toys he preferred (one of those wooden bead things). However it's been difficult to attend regularly due to my work shift.

He's due to start playgroup there soon which is why I'm worrying about it all.

He doesn't need to go to groups if he doesn't want to but he probably should be mixing with other children sometimes.

I would try a few different groups, find the best one and then stick with it. You can't expect him to go from no group to loving it in one session.

Maybe he would be better with a class style group, where the parents are involved. Maybe singing group, where he could sit on your lap and watch initially before needing to join in?

Or maybe try a playgroup with outdoor space so he feels more like the park.

You can also run getting their very early, that's when it tends to be quietist and then leave when it gets too busy/noisy.

You also don't need to stay for the full session, just half an hour is ok to start.

Ideally you'd take him to play one on one with another child, but if you don't know any that's tricky.....you won't meet any unless you can go to groups etc.

You don't want to force him into groups he doesn't like, but equally he does need to be able to be around other children, it's just getting the balance right that's tricky!

It doesn't necessarily mean there is an issue but have you discussed with your hv? They may be able to put your mind at rest or point you in the direction of advice. Has he met his milestones etc?

I wouldn’t worry too much. My little boy was always anxious in groups - felt shy and didn’t mix too well. I did persevere as I felt that it was good to push him very slightly out of his comfort zone. He too has speech and language delays and is receiving SL therapy at preschool. He still doesn’t mix incredibly well at 3 ( I think speech holds him back) but is more confident in himself. I know at 2 and even now at 3 he would probably rather be in his comfort zone at home, but he has got used to the idea of mixing with other children. This has been a very gradual process though.

Have you had his hearing checked? Could be a cause for the speech delay. With common conditions like glue ear the background noise of a toddler group can be unpleasant and overwhelming.

He’s too young to understand sharing and playing with other kids yet, they just sort of play along side each other until they’re a bit older. If they don’t have the type of toys he likes to play with then he probably just isn’t that interested - it’s much more stressful trying to play somewhere where there’s dozens of other kids who will try and take what you’re playing with.

Do you have any friends with kids of a similar age? Maybe try socialising with them one on one, that will be as beneficial as a group. I think it’s just about learning that theyve got to let other kids play too and they can’t have all the toys to themselves.

There’s nothing about not liking groups to suggest he’s not ‘normal’ though

Will he be starting pre-school soon? DS was never keen on toddler groups but enjoyed pre-school. DD never went to toddler groups as the only local group in our village was awfully bitchy and badly run so I didn’t bother. But started pre school and did well with other children considering she hadn’t been around many of them!

My youngest was very funny about groups too. If they had an outdoor area he would want to spend all of his time out there on big toys, and he didn't seem to do much proper playing with toys, just sort of messing with things and giving them to me. He would attempt craft activities with a lot of persuasion and involvement from me. He ignored all other people, had no interest at all. He absolutely hated with a passion the part where you have to sit and sing and would spend the entire time crying and trying to escape or climb up me. He also used to cry if strangers generally out and about looked at him or spoke to him. I think he was just quite shy and uncomfortable with other people.

He's at nursery now and apparently still not too keen on singing time but will at least sit there while it's happening. He doesn't talk about other children there but they say he gets on with them quite well, he will play with them if they happen to be interested in playing with the same things he's playing with but wouldn't seek other children out for that purpose and is happy to do his own thing. Nursery are happy with his progress and interactions and have no concerns. If he sees children from the nursery on the way home he will blank them or say one word after lots of encouragement! But he's always been happier to join in with other children at parks or soft play where there is lots of running around and physical play.

Not sure if that is any help to you but they do all have their own personalities and it doesn't necessarily mean anything is wrong. Having a talk with your health visitor is a good idea as they will know what is normal variation and what to keep an eye on. I had her out because I was CONVINCED that there was something wrong with his lack of communication. Turned out I was just used to my extremely sociable oldest child and he was fine.

Hi I know long shot any updates? Please