Anyone successfully gotten OH to take parenting initiative instead of constantly asking what to do?

[kateemo]

Children are 7 and 8. I work from home and always have, so parenting defaults to meit seems likeall the time. To his credit, he has taken on the responsibilities for all of our laundry. This has helped. When I am away on work trips, OH copes and does the basics, sometimes even more. But when I'm home, he is always looking to be told what to do.

Now, wise Mumsnetters, I need a cunning plan to get him to stop asking me what he should do next and just do whatever's needed and even plan ahead a little? It's not like what happens in the house is a big mystery. We have done pretty much the same things at the same time every day for 10 years now. The children even tell him! We've talked about it and he doesn't seem to get the problem. He likes things the way they are, but it drives me a bit crazy! Looking for success stories / commiseration. Is this even possible or do I have to put up with this for the next few years?

I was going to say go away for a week but see you've done that.

Just say 'dunno' to everything he asks?? Don't give him specific instructions - very vague 'I'm off to have a bath can you get all the stuff sorted for tomorrow cheers'

Just make your brain unavailable!

I'm practising that now @FusionChefGeoff thanks!

And, thinking about it, I try to assume the position he has done stuff rather than nagging him to do it. Ie 'where are the pack lunches' or 'where's the bag for tomorrow'

But not in an accusing tone, just an 'I'm asking out of interest' so maybe 'what did you give DC for snack' etc

In a similar situation DH and I made a list/schedule of all the tasks needed on a daily/weekly/monthly basis and divvied them up between us and stuck it up on the fridge with a pen next to it to tick off what's been done. It divests you of any 'management' responsibilities/mental load and he has no excuses to 'not see' or 'not know' what to do.

Ah! good stuff. That strategy will go along with my deliberate not doing of the tiny stupid things he could have done when he was at home instead of reading F1 chat obsessively but instead calls me from work to ask me to do.

Thanks @Synecdoche. We use a calendar already, so that would work. We could even add in things for the children. Hmmm. . .

We just try and do jobs together. That way they are done quicker and gives you time to talk at the same time and I'm sure that your kids will want to join in too

Mine has the initiative, but it had to be nurtured at the start.
I actually said to him, "What would you do if I wasn't here? Then do that!"
It worked.
Kids are grown ups now, and I am glad it felt like a team effort the full way

@Fusionchefgeof what do you say if he says i didnt do it/give lo a snack etc.