Advice on crying (all the time)

[sunnydayz78]

Hi

Just looking for advice on my Dd5 and Ds2.5 re crying for attention. Instead of talking my daughter resorts instantly to crying (very dramatically) to get something she wants.
This happens several times a day. For eg at breakfast if she wants a different bowl, needs to pour the milk - crying if she thinks I'll say no. Then 'can't stop' (her words) crying when I ask her to. Bedtime the same, brushing teeth, pjs, books and comes with crying and its really getting me down. I'm resorting to getting cross now and that makes things even worse!
My ds is 2.5 so I totally expect him to cry when things don't go his way and I suspect dd is copying him.
How do I teach them both to talk/ ask/ just use words to communicate rather than cry all the time???
Thanks

I thought this was going to be about a newborn!

For the crying to stop it has to never, ever work. She must never get her way because she's throwing a tantrum. She just needs to be ignored. When she calms down explain that she needs to ask properly/nicely for something if she needs it. Repeat. Repeat. Repeat.

Don't try and negotiate with her while she's crying, just ignore her. Lavish attention on the one who isn't crying! As soon as it stops working for attention/getting what she wants it will stop.

I'm assuming there are no issues with her speech/she doesn't have additional needs btw.

That's the same for DD and DS.

Have you explained to your 5 year old that you can't do anything until she is calm enough to explain what exactly she'd like changing / doing? I used to whisper to my DD really quietly what I wanted her to do but as she was crying she couldn't hear (obviously, as that was the idea) so would have to calm down to hear. I would then use my normal voice to say again what I'd said. She realised that loud crying didn't get the desired effect. Only happened a couple of times as she worked it out quickly, hopefully your younger one will mirror this.

I’m definitely not an expert but sometimes my child is crying/whining so much (even though I probably know why) I say I really want to help, but I can’t understand you! Please use your strong voice to tell me xyz ( needs to be repeated several times before they cotton on!)
Maybe in a calm moment do a little gentle role play where you are the child (don’t overact or make it go on too long, try make it humorous- my kids love it when I do this!)

Thanks so much for your replies. Dd is a bright little girl who can communicate properly and you're right I do just need to ignore the crying totally. I think in the moment I'm just trying to sort the problem out as I'm so used to doing it and I've got myself in a rut. Why do I find ignoring so hard though??

While I'm here...ds cries in the night for me and I end up having to sleep in his bed which is not the best! The alternative is to wait until he's settled and then go back to my bed until he wakes again. I've tried letting him cry but he wakes Dd, some nights it feels like I bed hop between ds, dd and my own bed...I'm so tired !

I saw a super nanny about this!

She let the child know this was a new start and what what the rules were, things like use words, stop crying when asked, and printed them on the wall.
Lots of praise when she did it right, naughty step when she didn’t.

Sorry if this is what you’re already doing

We implemented a star chart for DTs who were very good at crying for no (real!) reason. Seems to have motivated them, it's probably too much for the younger one. I actually printed out super nanny's charts and we have things like get dressed by 730 (without crying), brush teeth (without crying), make bed (without crying) etc. If they get enough stars they get a treat at the end of the week.