5 year old fear of solid foods

[Harryy]

My 5 year boy doesn’t eat any solid foods he will only eat anything that doesn’t have lumps/bits in. Anything I’m able to blend up. He used to drink loads off milk which i have had to cut down to 2 bottles there is no medical reason why he can’t eat a proper meal.

We have got back from the dietitian and have been advices to try and introduction some solids foods again at meal times before he’s allowed to have his “normal” food. He doesn’t have to eat it yet he’s just got to tolerate it being in front off him. If he starts gagging/retching I’ve got to tell him no, stop, we don’t do that ect. If he’s sick I’ve still got to carry on and just ignore him. I honestly don’t think I can go through this again specially now I’m doing this alone and I think it’s to harsh that I’ve just got to let him make hisself sick. The last time we had to did this he didn’t eat anything for a while just had bottles off milk.

Yes it is harsh but I think it’s a case of being cruel to be kind. Tough love, if you know what I mean. After all, he’s going to have a really hard time at school fitting in if he still has bottle food. Will he be able to go to other children’s parties? Will he be able to join in with the school Christmas dinner? Go on Easter egg hunts? Go on the year 6 residential? Go on sleepovers in a few years time? The sooner he is able to tolerate eating solids the better, for his sake as well as yours. And that’s just the social side of things. He physically needs to be eating solids too, as I’m sure the dietician explained. Teeth, for example, need solid food to keep them sharp.

Yes, it will be tough for you, especially on your own. To keep going, try to think of how great it will be when you can take him out to a restaurant, or when you can go to the cinema together and share a tub of popcorn. Make a list of all the things that you’ll be able to do when he can tolerate solid food without gagging. I’ll help you by starting it now...
You’ll be able to give him a birthday cake and watch him blow the candles out and cut into it.
You’ll be able to do baking together. Perfect on a rainy day!
Look at the list whenever you’re struggling.

When you look at the future I guess it does need sorting now. He's in school now he will get yoghurts, mash potatoes but that is about it. We've had such a bad experiences in the pass with him and food I'm just worried we'd be stepping back again.

I've put dinner on so I will give it ago tonight and see how far we get

You have to do it to show him there is nothing to be scared of. He's picking up on your anxiety and worry about it and that won't be helping. It's for his own good.

I did give it ago tonight it didn't go well at all!

I think tomorrow I'd feed my daughter first then sit down with just me and him or should I be keeping it the same as all meal times and we eat together? I just don't think it's fair on the girls

Is he still drinking milk out of a bottle? If so I’d stop that straight away, it won’t be good for his teeth. I assume he drinks other liquids out of a cup?
What is he eating at school if there is no mash or yoghurt on offer? What does he have for snacks?

Silly question but have you had his tonsils checked. I know 2 unrelated boys that wouldn't eat solid food and both had abnormally large tonsils

I have cut the bottles down it's one before bed and one in the night so he's not having bottles during the day anymore. He won't drink milk from a cup I have tried many. He will drink water from a normal cup (no lids)

I haven't been in that situation where school haven't had anything for him to eat they always have yogurts. He won't have snack time at school

Yes he's tonsils ect ect have been checked. He did suffer bad with reflux when he was a baby

He didn't eat any lunch or dinner today so I just expected to send him to bed hungry? Have offered him what he would normally eat after doing the first part at dinner time.

It must be horrible but it might be a case of powering through and thinking long term. Easier said than done I suppose. If you don't feel like it's working then go back to the dietician.

I really feel for you, I had a similar situation with my daughter when she was smaller but thankfully she seems to have grown out of it (she’s nearly 5) but she still has a limited range of foods that she’ll eat and if I try to get her to try something new she will also gag and eventually throw up. She doesn’t like certain foods being on the table in front of her. I massively disagree with the nutritionist that you should tell him off for gagging - it’s an involuntary physical reaction. It’s like telling someone off for sneezing! My view is that it’s wrong to treat this as a ‘naughty behaviour’ and you can’t force a child to eat. He might very well have a sensory disorder? There’s lots about it online. There’s also a book called ‘my child won’t eat’ that is supposed to be very good. Worth ordering that? I think this is such a tough thing to deal with and personally I didn’t find medical professionals remotely helpful. I wish I could offer more advice but I don’t really know what helped my daughter, as I say she’s still very picky but she does eat a normal diet now (well no fruit or veg, it’s very beige!) she just seemed to do it in her own time. The more pressure I put on her the worse it got.

Can I ask about his history? When did this start?

You need to stop the bottles completely, he is not a baby and needs to not fill up on milk.

Will he eat pureed food? It might be worth going back to weaning times and gradually increase lumps in familiar foods, ie blended shepherds pie so he's getting softer foods but which can easily be lumpier but still "soft". Then maybe a Sunday dinner but with very soft veggies and boiled, crushed potatoes...

I know it will be hard and hellish but this needs sorting whilst he is little.

I think you need to see a specialist dietitian who understands. My ds is 10. He does eat solid food but he has to take his own food to school, parties people's houses. He will only eat a very limited range of foods. Have you read about selective eating disorder or avoidant/restrictive food intake disorder? I remember reading about this a few years ago. I think it describes my ds. We have seen a dietitian a few times. She was a dietitian who has lots of experience in this area. We have also seen an occupational therapist because my son has sensory issues. She gave him oral motor exercises to do because the eating problems are probably a sensory problem.

Have you considered him seeing a speech and language therapist? I know it sounds crazy but the SALT I work with specialises in eating difficulties. I work with children who have difficulties eating often because they had to be tube fed as a baby and our SALT is amazing!

Sounds like ARFID, see here www.beateatingdisorders.org.uk/types/other-feeding-disorders/arfid. I think you need to see a specialist too. I have some experience of this with my DS. He has grown out of it mostly as he's gotten older but still gags at certain foods. He had severe reflux as a baby/toddler, it's also been found to have a link to babies who were born with the cord around their necks, which my DS was.

Can I ask some questions?

what medical tests have been done with regards to swallowing?
Does he still have reflux?
Do you have other developmental or physical concerns?
Is this a specialist dietician or a first line dietician?

I massively disagree with the nutritionist that you should tell him off for gagging - it’s an involuntary physical reaction

^ totally agree, very bad advice. It is NOT simply fussy eating and it is not something they can control.

I was also going to ask if he's been seen by SALT as some of them have the training to work with children who for some reason have not had the usual weaning experiences leading to this sort of eating difficulty. It sounds like the dietician you saw has given you some useful help but you might benefit from more detailed support.

I agree with not telling him off for gagging if he is actually trying food, but can understand the benefits of reminding him that he doesn't need to do it if you are only asking him to tolerate having lumpy foods in front of him without trying to eat them! Reassurance that it is ok ...

A difficult situation and will probably take some time to sort out, but terribly important to do so. Good luck and keep us updated with progress.

Join the fb group Mealtime Hostage.
It has excellent advice and lots of support with others experiencing similar issues.

This can be a very real issue for a child. I'd say the advice from the dietitian is unhelpful and likely to cause more issues.

An OT referral could also be worthwhile pursuing as it could be linked to a sensory processing issue.

Sorry, but there's definitely more to it than 'behaviour'. I also agree with PP about looking into ARFID.

First thing to say is that you have my sympathies - DD wasn't this extreme, but she has never eaten normally, though she does eat a limited range of solid food now. We also went to dietitians, and as DD was also willing to starve herself, I didn't follow their advice.

The book 'my child won't eat' addresses a completely different question, about children who seem to eat very little, and whose parents are worried about it. We have it, and it didn't help at all, as it didn't address restricted eaters.

DD still won't eat lumpy food, so I'm not sure that's what I'd aim for as a step up from purees (which she will eat). She will eat very dry things (e.g. crackers), and those were a step onto bread.

DD didn't want to wean (she really didn't want food near her at 6 mo), and drank milk from bottles until she was 5 (and adult teeth started coming through). I'm happy to tell you more if you're interested.

He used to eat fine till he was around 15 months. He became sick and ended up in hospital. Wouldn't touch any food just milk I think as parents we was happy that he was having something. Around the age off 2 and a half he started to eat mash potato with gravy, yogurts.

I lost my wife when he was 3 years old which he then stopped eating again for 8/9 months again he would only drink milk but went back to the blended up food, yoghurts anything that wasn't lumpy. Porridge he wouldn't touch he would make hisself sick. He's underweight and small for his age.

He's cut bottles down a lot! Which we are working with to completely get rid off but he needs to eat more

I don't think your nutritionist was right. It doesn't seem fair to tell him off for gagging, he is not doing it by choice.
I remember the Ed psych Tanya Byron did a lot of programmes on difficult eaters ( the house of tiny tearaways) that were sensible - maybe see if you can find those?

That's a lot for him to have been though. How does he respond to crackers/cheerios/bread - things that are dry and (mostly) crunchy? We've had way more success with those than anything lumpy or with sauce on. DD would also eat hard cheese fairly early on.

Oh wow I didn't expect so many comments! I was still at the 13th post.

He had a test at the hospital which I can't remember the name for sorry. He had to swallow a thick like milkshake and had x-rays. Which wasn't easy and stressful.

He doesn't suffer with reflux anymore

He's not long be diagnosed with ASD, ODD and Anxiety. Development wise he is behind his age

Hopefully I've answered everyone questions