9 week old not settling

[Prim0422]

Hello fellow mums, FTM here looking for a bit of reassurance really with my 9 week old DS. I don't have any friends with young babies so MN has become a bit of a lifeline for me at the mo and just wanted to do a post to save my sanity! (Having a particularly tough day today)

From birth DS hasn't really settled anywhere other than in someone's arms. He is EBF (though we are currently at the end of weaning off formula top ups due to weight loss issues in the early weeks) and we have taken to co-sleeping at night as he will not settle at all in his crib (we have a chicco next to me) and this is generally working well as we all get more sleep and I can feed him during the night with little disruption to OH.

However he also does not like going in the pram or the carseat - if I'm lucky I get about 10 minutes before he starts crying. This is the same for anywhere else I try and put him down - bouncer, playmat etc. It makes it a nightmare to get anything done (I dread showering as I have to leave him and listen to him screaming) and I get really anxious going out and about as he's so hit and miss and generally ends up crying which puts me on edge. I have a moby wrap which he does love (although last few days has even been abit unsettled in that)but it's great for getting stuff done around the house etc but going out further than a short walk fills me with dread as it involves either the car seat or pram! I knowI should get out and would love to join some baby groups etc but the thought of it makes me really anxious asI know he'd be there screaming his head off whilst all the other babies play nicely!

My other worry is that because he won't settle anywhere he is not getting enough sleep during the day. He will sometimes nap in the sling but is so intrigued by everything around him now he fights sleep. I know that alot of the time he's crying is because he's tired but getting him to sleep is impossible! I keep reading about "putting your baby down" for naps and I couldn't be farther from this if I tried!!

Whenever he cries I just offer him a boob which shuts him up every time, so I'm grateful in that respect that atleast I can soothe him but it's not always practical to do when I'm not at home! I don't necessarily have a problem with being a human dummy at home but it means I'm stuck on the sofa with him attached to me most of the time which is starting to feel a little isolating!

I should add that he is a bright alert little baby and we've had lots of smiles and noises from him so I know he's not unhappy all the time but it's just when he's anywhere other than with me or my boob!

I know this will pass but it would be nice to hear from other mums' experiences at 9 weeks and if anyone is having anything similar to know I'm not the only one and get me through!! Sorry for the ramble!

TIA xx

Following with interest as I have a 6 week old DD who is identical!! First 4 weeks she was fine with crib etc but last 2 weeks suddenly won't go down. Hates the pram and car seat, since birth Haha.

This was my DS, down to the formula top ups. Wouldn't sleep anywhere but on me, on the boob, or in my bed. Hated the pram, hated the car seat (at times). Wouldn't nap.

I wish I had advice but all that changed was time really, eventually he started liking the pram a little better, and the car seat a little. Started going for longer between feeds.

So there is light at the end of the tunnel, you'll get there.

If he doesn’t like lying down at all, that might indicate reflux - mine had silent reflux and was miserable on her back. Just a thought!

My lifesaver was the Ergobaby sling. I tried a wrap at first but definitely felt a bit nervous of going too far with the baby in it. A structured sling was a revelation and she was so much happier in there than anywhere else for her first six months. She still loves it now at nearly 20 months, even though the reflux is a dim and distant memory! We had the ergo 360 which you use from birth but dradually take out inserts and can turn them around after a few months.

Would you be willing to try a dummy to settle him? You say offering him your breast settles him straight away so he might just be a sucky baby as my DD was. It sounds like he’s using your breast for comfort so a dummy might give you a bit of a break?

I will second the ergobaby. It's my sanity atm!! X

Hi op, i really really wouldn’t worry if he’s not into being put down for naps yet. He’s still tiny, I’d persevere with it, but it might not happen for a good few weeks yet. Do you know much about the 4th trimester? I’d look it up if you’re unfamiliar.

My advice is keep trying with all the things - buggy, bouncer, car seat etc, but in the meantime get a more structured sling and just get outside. Go for walks and get yourself to some groups as the company will do you good. If he settles with bf then just find somewhere comfy and give him a feed/let him snooze on you.

I’d recommend an ergo 360 or similar, they’re referred to as ‘buckles’ carriers. If you can get to a sling meet or NCT library they can help you. Stretchy slings are great, but as babies get bigger something more structured holds them better. My daughter was in hers all time when she was little as she hated being out down.

Congrats and good luck x

Thank you all for your replies - it’s always helps just to know you’re not alone!!

I will definitely look into the Ergobaby.

divgirl Nice to hear your DS was the same, did you find he napped as he got older and a bit more settled or is he just a non-napper?

northernluce I have wondered about reflux but sometimes he’s fine on his back if I’m with him, and other times he’s not so it’s quite hard to tell. He certainly doesn’t seem like he’s in agony, which is what I’ve heard reflux can be like. Did the reflux pass with time?

mamatodoodles he is definitely a very sucky baby - I think he’d happily sit on the boob all day if he could! I’ve tried a dummy in the car with limited success - sometimes he will take it but if he’s particularly hysterical he won’t have any of it! Perhaps I need to persevere with it...

LauraPalmers thanks for the advice. The 4th trimester has definitely helped me understand his needs at this stage and not stress too much about the co-sleeping etc (despite the many people who have already given me their opinions!!) but it’s hard when you’re having a tough day not to look at other mums and babies and think “why isn’t my baby that calm?!”