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Original poster

My son threatened to 'put a knife through' a boy at school today

54 replies

Averagethreebedsemi · 18/03/2019 22:22

I got a phone call from my son's school asking me to meet with the headmaster 1st thing tomorrow morning. They would not give any information over the phone except to say that "an incident had occured".

This evening... he reluctantly told me what he had said to the other boy (..a boy who was/is one of his closest class mates ). My son verbally threatened him... he didnt actually have a physical knife on him.

I've told him that he is NEVER to bring any weapon to school or anywhere else. He is NEVER to threaten another child in an argument.

I'm so sad and dissapointed that such a thing would ever cross my son's mind or leave his mouth!

What can I do or say to the other child's parent the next time I see them?

What can I do or say to my son to help him to understand the severity of what he has said and to stop him from going down the wrong path?

He is 7 years old.

OP posts:
BluebadgenPIP · 19/03/2019 07:22

Yes punish him hard.

Real stern talking to.

Grounding.

No tv. No internet. No you tube. No favourite toys. No activities. For a considerable length of time.

And he’d know by the time I was finished how lucky he was it wasn’t the police he was dealing with and he’d have to earn his “treats” back with good behaviour.

He cannot be allowed to threaten someone with a knife through them and not be severely punished for goodness sake.

RockyFlintstone · 19/03/2019 07:25

Yes, I would be concerned where he had heard this too.

You wouldn't get that sort of language those words, from overhearing the news would you?

BertieBotts · 19/03/2019 07:26

OK at 7 I doubt he had any intention of actually carrying out such a threat and doesn't realistically have an understanding of what it means, he just thought that it sounded threatening.

Serious talk then, following up from stabbing news item talk to explain that stabbing somebody is very serious indeed and could cause somebody to die or be very seriously injured, not the kind of thing that you say casually. Also to follow on that threatening can be very intimidating and the person who is threatened doesn't necessarily know whether you're being serious. (Might be worth noting if you ever say things in jest like "I'm going to kill you in a minute" "I'll wring your neck" etc. Though most children will see the difference between these kinds of idioms and an actual threat.)

Token punishment and draw a line under this. I don't think it's a sign of "the wrong path". You probably won't need to speak to the other parent directly but I'd reassure the school you've had words and he knows it's not to happen again.

Smileymoon · 19/03/2019 07:29

I have a 7 year old and if he said this he wouldn't really have any comprehension of what it means or expect anybody to take it seriously. It is not a nice thing to say but at 7 it is clearly not an actual threat. It is just outlandish. I would explain to him that you can't say you are going to hurt someone, that that can scare the person and that saying such things gets you in trouble. I would not turn up at the school acting as though my 7 year old was a serious threat of knife crime. If I was the other parent I would also not blow it out of proportion.

Unless your child has a tendency to go into school and hurt his classmates in which case I would take it more seriously.

WeirdCatLady · 19/03/2019 07:29

I really wouldn’t advise contacting the other parent. If someone had threatened my child I wouldn’t be wanting to hear from their mum about how sorry they are. Your son is lucky they haven’t called the police. I certainly wouldn’t want my 7 year old to have to attend the same school again and would be expecting your child to be expelled.

BluebadgenPIP · 19/03/2019 07:31

The police aren’t gong to do anything. He’s 7. That’s well under the age of criminal responsibility.

But I wouldn’t be talking to the other parents. That usually doesn’t go too well.

Springwalk · 19/03/2019 07:35

Am I the only one who thinks this should be kept firmly in perspective.
Your son at seven is unlikely to understand or comprehend his words, and its important for adults to deal with this calmly and gently.

Yes he needs to be told not to say things like that again, and given consequences if he does, and yes he absolutely needs to write a letter of an apology to the child, and to his school. Yes you do need to call the other parent and apologise if you know them well enough. Beyond that I would imagine he has picked this up from elsewhere and does not mean to frighten others. Remaining calm and explain why the reaction has been so strong to your child will be far more helpful than crying.

He is seven, he does not carry knives. Remaining very adult is important now, and showing him the boundaries and reminding him of the consequences should be enough.

Motherofcreek · 19/03/2019 07:36

op if your still reading...

What he said wasn’t great. But he is seven. Seven years olds mess up.

Use this as a chance to talk about what’s going, how dangerous things are and how serious the situation is. Go on line and show him articles ect..

When you go to the school be very mindful they don’t go over board and use him as an example. I’d talk to them and tell them you are also dealing with it positively from the other side.

The fact he admitted to you what was said shows that he trusts you. He isn’t some disturbed seven year old.

Try and make sure it’s not put any where on file that could effect his secondary school intake or even ask to see what would be put.

Bigearringsbigsmile · 19/03/2019 07:39

I WOULD come down hard so that he remembered that it was something really bad that should NEVER happen again!

Motherofcreek · 19/03/2019 07:40

spring no your not. He is a small child yet posters want him hung drawn and quartered Hmm

FenellaMaxwell · 19/03/2019 07:42

Don’t contact the parents - they will (rightly) not be interested in anything you have to say.

It’s worth contacting your local police station as they will likely have some resources that might be helpful in teaching him why what he said was so very awful.

Saying he is only 7 is minimising - that’s only 5 years younger than the youngest involved in the actual stabbings - he needs to understand in no uncertain terms what he said and why he can never say anything like that ever again.

HotpotLawyer · 19/03/2019 07:44

7 year olds can be extremely ‘crass’ in their understanding.

Go on and listen to the Head’s account of what happened.

Ask how the school want to handle it, ask for their advice on how to support them. Adk hiw thd other boy is.

Ask for honest feedback about how your sin is in school, does he get involved in high drama conflicts, what does he play in the playground, is he kind, empathetic, how mature?

You can get him back on track, OP.

4free · 19/03/2019 07:47

Jes some people on ere are just ridiculous 🙄 hes 7! He said something silly, it happens, talk to him, tell him to apologise to the kid and then give him an appropriate punishment (no ipad/youtube/gaming/sweets/club for a week).
Ps. I have a 7 yr old, itd be school or tv he'd more than likely have picked something like that up.

HotpotLawyer · 19/03/2019 07:53

For heaven’s sake Fenella: there is a huge amount of development that happens beteeen 7 and 12. Emotionally, intellectually, hormonally, everything.

Nothing wrong with pulling him up hard on the reasons not to say this stuff or think it glamorous., but an age appropriate assessment of what has happened is not minimising.

Motherofcreek · 19/03/2019 07:58

Saying he is only 7 is minimising - that’s only 5 years younger than the youngest involved in the actual stabbings

Yes FIVE years! Which is monumental in brain development.

youaremyrain · 19/03/2019 07:58

I said something awful at school at a similar age. Another child's sibling was ill and I said "I hope she dies"

The backstory was that the other child was bullying and humiliating me and I was overwhelmed with feelings of anger and hurt and I wanted to hurt her back.

I still feel bad about it, but it was words said by an angry child. I didn't go on to "become a statistic" etc

You need to find out what made your son feel so angry and upset in order to say this

MrsTerryPratchett · 19/03/2019 08:01

Does he feel like he is in danger?

The other child has presumably also heard the news and therefore yes, they probably are scared. Mine was. And the 8 year old who said it to her definitely did it to scare my child and knew it was a really bad thing to say. Also said on another occasion that I was going to die.

Take it seriously. The PPs saying 'aw he's just a little boy, he doesn't understand'... the other boy is just little too. OP's son needs to get the message that this is completely unacceptable.

HotpotLawyer · 19/03/2019 08:03

No one is saying don’t let him know how unacceptable it is.

Hollowvictory · 19/03/2019 08:05

Well switch off the radio! Ffs! You are responsible for your child's be this is not acceptable. I never have the news on the radio in the car I switch off when it comes in. But I don't believe that's where he got it from. Your attitude suggests it's more likely you're letting him play unsuitable video games or watch unsuitable TV.

Hollowvictory · 19/03/2019 08:07

But don't punish him, he won't kn what he's done wrong. And do not contact the other parents.

IceRebel · 19/03/2019 08:13

OP did he actually say "I'm going to put a knife through you"

As that's a very random phrase, even in relation to the recent news. Not that it's ever acceptable to make such threats, but I would expect words like "i'm going to stab you" to have been more likely if he had got it from the news.

Namenic · 19/03/2019 08:15

Use it as an opportunity to discuss violence, death, how our words can get us in trouble even if we do not mean it.

We’re from a pacifist household, home educate and my 5 year old occasionally talks about ‘killing’. I just explain that if we did that the the person killed would not be able to come alive again and it would be sad for all the people who loved that person. Would he like it if someone did that to someone he loved?

If he says he didn’t mean it, only said it, then you can say that the police can get involved even with words.

VelvetPineapple · 19/03/2019 08:21

Why has your son wanted to frighten the other boy though? Is he bullying your son and he’s said the scariest thing he can think of to scare him off?

ChariotsofFish · 19/03/2019 08:58

Expel him? Punish him hard? FFS. A seven year-old who said something he doesn’t fully understand. It’s ridiculous. Someone said something to me DS at school which had him worried for ages (basically involved his family dying). The other child was just repeating something he had half understood from the news. The very most I expected from the school was a chat to the other boy about saying stuff like that and a chat to my DS about not taking the other boy seriously. Which is exactly what happened. The other boy isn’t a crazed delinquent, he’s a 7 year-old with the limited brain development and empathy of a 7 year-old.

Motherofcreek · 19/03/2019 20:10

How did you get on today op?