Today I am fed up of my children

[RobinHobb]

Also maybe a little fed up of everything.
First DD1 was sick for almost a week (she is 3 yo) and now Dd2 (18months) is sick with cold/viral whatever. They won't stop screaming, they won't leave me alone. It's not really this week or the colds etc which are normal run of the mill. I am feeling so trapped. Haven't had a day off in 3 years, stay at home mum (DH not around but is well off enough so no issue with not working in an office for the moment). It's just so fucking incessant. Dd1 wants x, need a wee, wants this toy, wants to go upstairs, wants her dolly, nag nag nag, while baby is just screaming away. I'm not a bad parent really I don't think - or not the worst - but as I'm pacing the room up and down while baby screams and my toddler demands I help her with her cape/toy/wings I found myself snapping at her "will you just leave me alone for ONE second?!!!" It was no fault of hers, i am just fed up. I want a day off. I want to be like it was before kids. I want to be able to sit down for more than 5 seconds and have a cup of tea or a shower or read a book for 5 minutes - I want just a little little break from this. I am just fed up.
Not sure what the point of this post is. Needed a vent. Baby is still yelling even though have turned on the telly so back to it. God knows what dd1 has done in the two minutes I've been away hiding in the loo.
I want to run away.

This is why I went back to work. I lasted 3 months as a SAHM and then I couldn't take it anymore. My job is really hard work but it feels like a break compared to being at home.

OP I see you and I know exactly what you are going through. I too am at home with a particularly whingy 18 month old and 3.5 yo. Oh my GOD. Some days I want to scream. Some days, to my shame, I do scream. It is relentless. We parents of toddlers and preschoolers are in the thick of it anyway and when you're a SAHM there is no break. DH is a teacher and it is spring break where we are right now- nearly all his colleagues with young children have continued to send them to their full time nursery/crèche over the two week holidays. Because they're not crazy enough to want to do THIS all day. (Jealous? Who me?)

I take my hat off to you doing this mostly alone. Do you at least get an evening to yourself?

@Jellyfloodagain
Re going back to work I am actually thinking about it, kind of. The problem is my job entails long hours and is in London and can't be done part time. It pays very well and enough to cover a full time nanny 5 days a week, 12 hours a day and leave a little change. I did this after dd1 but I was crippled with guilt, she's be asleep when I left and asleep when I got home. I asked for part time after Dd2 was born and they said no, so I didn't go back, I couldn't face the thought of leaving them for so long. I had a large bonus as cushion so decided to be sahm for a year while they are so young before going back to work. Am thinking of accelerating this because two years at home and... well, the state I'm in.
I don't know.

@PhoenixBuchanan
Same ages.... dd1 is back to being unwell again and is back to whining clinging and screaming. It's a viral the doctor says, but second week of this is killing me. Meh.
Both kids sleep well so occasionally I got a baby sitter off the neighbours or childcare and get out in the evening. It's not too often but I have untrammelled evenings as they sleep so it's not all dire. A bit lonely on occasion. Supper is sometimes a bowl of cereal and a glass of wine :-)

Christ when dts were small it was absolutely ducking incessant. You do come out the other side though, things become more civilised. 5/6 you can start to go out for dinner, to the pub, normal stuff without lugging loads of stuff around with you. Holidays become fun again, hang in there.

Why won't predictive text let me swear?!

@babysharkah
The amount I swear nowadays you'd think it would have learnt that I don't mean ducking but every single time it does....
I know it'll get easier and tbh since dd1 turned 3, has no naps, eats same food as us, sleeps in a bed, potty trained etc i can see how much easier it might be when they are both 3/5 or 4/6. It just seems a fucking far far far way...
However, dd1 is being slightly better today, bed time isn't too far away. I am very very lucky compared to some and can afford to send Dd2 to preschool/nursery soon so I just need to hang in there
Thank you. It really really really helps to know that others have been through this or have similar!