What values do you want your kids to grow up with?

[Pheebe]

...and how do we teach them?

I'd like my kids to value family and friends over anything else, always trying their best, respecting others and their property and education.

Sounds like good values to me Pheebe. As for how we teach them - I presume the best way is to lead by example, explain when they go off course, and respect them

I wan tmy kids to value the natural environment and understand their impact upon it. I want them to be non-judgemental and accepting of others differences. and of course to earn loads of money to keep me in my dotage

Thanks for the quick replies guys

Waynetta - does that mean I have to be nice to everyone now

Moopy, valuing the environments a really important one too. Just training DH to respect the environment and recycle is proving a big enough challenge at the moment

The reason I've posted this thread was I took DS (nearly 3) to the park down the road a couple of days ago and there was a great gang of teenagers hanging about, litter, empty beer cans fag ends etc etc. They were all swearing like fish wives and talking about all the sex they were having and I came home and cried cos I just don't want my kids to grow up like that.

DH's opinion is the same as yours waynetta, kids learn by example, but what happens when they start to value the 'wrong' examples?

Pheebe - even if your ds does do what the teenagers you saw were doing it will most likely be a phase that he grows out of so if he does do it and you feel like dispairing that all your hard work has gone out of the window dont worry because the values you teach him will far outweigh the few months where he may act like them iyswim?

I was brought up with good family values but i still went through a rebelious stage in my teens, i smoked, drank, had a tattoo, got pierced and got pregnant (you would not have liked to have been my mother!) but i grew out of it and quickly regreted how i had behaved now I am 25 and am teaching my children to have values, i completely understand what my mum went through and though i will try to steer my children in the right direction i fear they will have a phase like i did when i was growing up. It doesnt make me a bad person or mean that my parents failed.

I didnt even answer the question!

The values i want my children to have are to...
work hard (at school, college, uni and in work)
Respect (for everyone around them and other people property)
Good hygene standards
Caring and understanding
Manners

Lovemygirls - I know you're right and we all grow out of it. I did soem dumb stuff as a teenager myself too.

I spose what worries me most is the risks kids seem to take now - makes me sound ancient I know - the boys especially, they drive like nutters then there's drugs to worry about too.

BTW I'm 25 weeks pregnant with another boy so this is partly hormone-fueled I know

If you have a lovely home and family life with the values you cite, your children will be far less attracted to hanging out in the park with beer and cigarettes.

Make home attractive .

Hi pheebee
I think I'd like my ds1 and lo on the way to have an understanding of

we live our lives one way
others may do it differently
and that's okay.

Of course, there's respect for themselves, others etc but I really want them to recognise difference , not be scared, offended (not all the time anyway!)or threatened by it.

Tolerance.

Be respectful of yourself and others, including animals and the environment.

You can't be happy with someone else until you're happy in yourself.

I want them to learn that stuff doesn't just get handed to you on a plate and that you have to work for it - this will be done by making them get jobs as soon as they can.

I want them to have respect for others - this will be done by giving them respect and by showing a good example.

I want them to recognise the important things in life - leading by example.

That is the plan anyway!

Thanks guys, this is brill

Tolerance and respect are sooo important and defo going to try and make home THE place to be. I always planned to spend as much time as poss with my kids but don't want to overwhelm them (hate clingy mums!)

All of the previous values and self esteem.

I want my son to grow up knowing that he is a good person and that we love him unconditionally

Not much to add really - the previous posters have it nailed really.

Only other thing I can think of is a sense of responsibility for themselves and their future. I hate the whole 'the world owes me a favour' and 'it's not fair' thing. I know that circumstances can sometimes seem to work against you but I think its important to look at your own actions and how you can make things work rather than always blaming others or bad luck. I firmly believe that we create (or at least influence) our own luck most of the time - good and bad.

Agree with Anna8888 about making home attractive. Plus we have a clear line about what's acceptable and what isn't.

So we start black and white and add shades of grey as they grow up.

Alice, thats a really good point, personal responsibility and a good work ethic (as my grandad would probably have said, bless him)

Self esteen
-is a fab thing. We wouldn't need 'How to look good naked' and all the other same type programs.

Peer pressure is far easier to deal with if you have a good sense of yourself and your own worth.

I would definately wish this for my ds.

Absolutely muppet. Do you think thats easier to encourage in boys rather than girls?

I think so yes, my son doesn't care what he wears wheras my frinds dd (who is 6 months younger than ds) demands specific clothes, hairstyles etc -where does that come from at such an early age?

Though my son does worship the older boys in the street who are gods according to him (he's 3.4)

If I had daughters I would worry more though as the pressure to be thin doesn't apply to boys, what diet your on doesn't either.

I've noticed that too, DS's cousin who 6 months older than him and just turned 3 is already obsessed with her hair and wearing pink etc. Her mum swears she's never made a big deal of it beyond having to tie her hair back so I reackon its something girls are born with, part of their make up.

When I taught it was interesting on 'wear what you want days.'

The girls would all greet each other and compare what they were wearing -do you remember the poncho phase? they all looked loke clones of each other, whereas the boys would just carry on playing football. Like they usually did!

to Love God

to respect others

to always show compassion to the less fortunate

to work hard

to celebrate achievements

loyalty

truthfulness

to love knowledge and be thankful for an education

I would like my children to grow up the same kind of values that my parents instilled in me. I was never really rebellious, although I did have my own idea about things and I have done things (like move away to Uni instead of going to a Uni near home) that my parents were none too happy with, but there were certain things that I knew were important to my parents and that had become important to me.

That family and true friends are imporatnt and will always support and love you.

Consideration, kindness and charity towards others.

Integrity, loyalty, self-discipline, self-sacrifice and courage (moral and physical) - my husband is an army officer and these values underpin his whole life and service and are very important to him.

The value of an education (if they turn out to be academically-minded) and the value of hard work in any endeavour.

The need to have a strong moral foundation for all that you do in life (we're practising catholics and this provides an excellent - for us, anyway - framework for family life).

Respect is a word that kind of rubs me up the wrong way - everyone wants to be 'respected' but, in some cases, people don't seem to grasp that the flip side of respect is responsibility. The whole 'human rights' issue seems to breed people who think they're rights need to be enforced, even if it's at the expense of others - a good idea run amok IMO. Saying that, I want my children to be polite and respectful of others and their property.

to care about others feelings.

that if they treat people like crap, they should expect the same treatment back.

that sexuality/race/colour has no bearing on how decent a person is.

to question ideas and authority, not just accept the world as they find it.

to be respectful of the environment.

(i would like them to have these values, but since they are / will be individuals, i can just hope)