Teenagers taking advantage of me

[Disrespectedmum]

I have left my family home today as sick of my 17 and 19 year old not pulling there weight and my partner not following up on the discipline.. Was at work all day (work in a demanding role as a nurse where I often don’t get breaks) and came home to find both kids had invited friends over and the house was a mess. I have rheumatoid arthritis and have had a flare this week causing pain and exhaustion.
Son had not communicated to partner that there was a group of people coming over and made no attempt to clean up.
A verbal argument has occurred and I have left the home and checked in to a hotel.
I am hoping that my departure will enable them to see that I have had enough. My own physical and mental health is suffering from a demanding job, An autoimmune condition and entitled kids and an unsupportive partner. Any one else been in a similar situation?

Is your partner their father?
I would also say that at 17 and 19 the ship has sailed in terms of pulling their weight and respect..
However you are 100% right to take yourself off.

Yes he is there father. He was raised in a more laisez faire family where there weren’t many consequences. As a result two of his siblings still can’t take responsibility and don’t follow normal social norms. I was raised in a stricter family with expectations of kids pulling their weight and respecting parents.

Order room service and send them pics of your meal. ..

Enjoy every second of peace in the hotel room OP, have a lovely long undisturbed bath and get some food ordered in. Sooo jealous....

I have threatened to do it before and I don’t think they thought I would go through with it . Now that I have I am contemplating whether to book a short stay apartment for a week. After no one to cook and clean up after them they may take me seriously.

Go for it. Book the week and they can sort themselves out.

Both you and your partner need to be on the same page here. Once you are you can tackle this and tackling your teenagers may be easier than getting on the same page as your dh.

You're going to have to put rukes in place
Like:

1. No friends over unless the following jobs are done
2. All dishes are washed
3. The kitchen is tidy and wiped round

4.living room is tidy And after those friends leave any associated mess is tidied away and the kitchen and living room are back to normal

Non compliance leads to a change of WiFi password and no money being given (so pocket money, allowances, that kind of thing) until they can prove they are adult enough to warrant it.

Be clear and firm when you go back, like DonPablo said.
I can totally understand how you feel but you are still the parent so you need to regain control somehow.
Maybe write/print out a list of rules you want them go follow.
If they don't like them then support (not financially) the 19 year old to find their own place.
Don't forget they are still your children and will probably feel abandoned and hurt rather than guilty for.driving you away.

Thanks everyone for your pearls of wisdom. It has given me some clarity

Good for you, following through on your threat to leave them to it. Hopefully it will shock them into some changes. Perhaps you also need to follow through on the consequences if they don't pull their weight at home. This is the start of a whole new chapter!

My teen has been away for 2 weeks. On returning I reminded him its his week to empty the dishwasher.
He has told a sibling he won't be doing it. Fine, but he knows this means no home cooked meal.