What could your 4 year old do before starting school

[Troton]

I have a summer born who is due to start school in September this year. But I don’t now if he’s ready.
He is toilet trained but still has the odd accident. He struggles to pull up his pants and trousers properly and runs off with them round his thighs! He can’t wipe his own bum without the risk of poo on fingers! He tries to put own shoes on but normally gets wrong feet and tries to get dressed himself (when inclined) but gets very frustrated at not being able to get clothes the right way out, one leg in each trouserhole etc.
He is very sociable and has lots of language although his speech is still quite unclear. He can recognise a few letters and numbers and is starting to try to write his name. However he’s isnt overly interested in learning to read or write but I’m trying to gently encourage him without being pushy or he gets bored/Cross and wanders off to do something else. He can count well and Is good at puzzles.
He hates drawing and refuses to hold a pen the way I’ve shown him. He does it husband own way but literally will scribble on paper for 10 seconds and say his pictures finished!
He loves listening to stories and looking at the pictures.
He’s still quite immature I would say socially, despite being at pre school he can be a bit rubbish at turn taking etc but this largely depends on how tired he is. Sometimes he can be very good with no pushing or snatching and will talk things through (eg. Can I have turn with that car after you please) but if he’s tired he reverts to quite “toddler like” behaviour of snatching toys or refusing to share.
He does struggle with stamina and normally still needs an afternoon nap. Although this might change by September.
He’s bright and cottons onto things quickly and is very good at learning things that interest him - eg he loves cars and can tell you all about the different makes and models.
I’m just worried he won’t be ready for school in September. He still feels like a toddler to me.
What could and couldn’t your 4 year old do before starting school?

There will be children with a range of abilities going to school in September. From how you describe him, he may be towards the less developed end of the spectrum, but he is a summer born boy so that's not surprising.

They do tend to learn quickly in reception and make big leaps in a short time. Also, September is still a long way off. I wouldn't worry about whether he can count/read/write. What does matter is that he can toilet independently (including pulling his trouser up), get his shoes on, speak clearly enough to make himself understood.

He will be fine at school. Undoubtedly though he will be at a bit of a disadvantage and if it were me and I had the option to defer, I would. If he could start school having long dropped his nap, with clear speech, better social skills and more inclined to sit and learn it will be an easier path for him.

My DS could read fluently and do maths, he couldn’t wipe his behind properly or tie his shoelaces. They are all different. He will be fine. September is quite a long way away when you are that age.

My summer born boy could manage toileting, velcro shoes (wrong feet though), could dress himself slowly, fine socially, still napping.

He could count to 10 and recognise his name but wouldn't even hold a pencil! Didn't know any letters.
He met or exceeded targets by KS1 Sats though.

I would concentrate on all the parenting stuff like self-care skills and don't stress about the academics - school expect to teach them to read and write, they don't expect to cut up food or wipe bottoms.

Hi

My summer born DD could go to the loo but couldn't wipe and struggled to pull up tights- staff helped and she's fine now. Tends to save the poos for me 🙄
I made a point of not teaching her to read or write- my mum is a reception school teacher and always said not to. My DD is doing well in this respect.
Hope that helps. I'm glad I didn't keep her back. She loves school

You have 6 months before he starts school and they make so much progress in that time. Your DS sounds fine and on track to make a good start.

My DS is the same age as yours and will start reception when 4 and 1 month. He has just started potty training this week. Nowhere near being able to wipe himself or get himself dressed. Not interested in holding a pen or mark making at all really, no way could he write his name (even though it's an easy name). Yet he can count well, is fairly mature socially and has been quite well 'instutionalised' at nursery. So in brief, all DC are different, what yours can do mine can't and vice versa. It will be like this until they're about 12!

My girl turns 4 in the summer. She manages all aspects of the toilet fine. She struggles to change her top half herself, we've talked about how she'll need to do this for PE in school but there's still 6m so I'm sure she'll get there.

She can write her name and her sisters, she knows nearly all letters and counts well (she usually gets bored at about 40). She's really interested in written words but she has been since she was two, her language is very good.

Mentally she's one of the brightest in her nursery but physically she's tiny. The other children are all at least a head taller then her and it shows when they are doing sporty things

Thank you so much for the replies. It’s So hard to know whether to defer, seeing as we do have the option to. He’s desperate to go to school though, very excited about it and keeps telling everyone he’s going in September. I do think I will send him. Although I think he will struggle in some respects i think another year of Home/pre-school and he would get bored and a bit disruptive through boredom if you see what I mean!
I think I will work on the self care type things - toileting, using knife and fork, getting dressed etc and as you say leave the reading and writing to his teachers.
Thank you so much

Ooh, also worth remembering that they are not legally obliged to be in school til 5 so schools are unable to count absences as 'unauthorised' until then - that means if they're struggling with tiredness or emotion you're allowed to keep them at home (like a duvet day). Best to check your school will honour this but they should.

You e still got 6 months to work on it. Plus 'super sitting', eating with cutlery, getting changed for oe, queuing up, sharing, tidying up, putting hand up to ask a question, not interrupting, taking it in turns, putting shoes on right feet, hanging up coat, recognition of own coat and bag and lunch box, wadhi hands after toilet.
Basically self care and social skills. That's what teachers want!

To help with getting shoes on the correct feet cut a largish sticker in half vertically then stick half in each shoe. All your DS needs to do is match the sticker halves and the shoes will be on the right feet.

33 - absences are still unauthorised, you just aren't fined if they are under 5.

I have a ds in reception now and one starting in September. The things we were asked to practice with them were going to the toilet-wiping, pulling up trousers and hand washing also getting themselves dressed and undressed.
I actually think reception teachers are some kind of magical being though as they seem to get the kids doing so much so quickly and they change so much and become so responsible and grown up in just a few weeks!

I have one in reception now, and one starting in September.

Eldest is one of the oldest in the year so could competently dress (including zips and laces), wipe bottom, write her name, count, verbal etc. Couldn't read though and was crap at drawing. She was hugely school ready. Walked in on day one and never looked back.

Youngest isn't four until May and seems a lot younger. Academically she's great; can write her full name, do basic maths (substraction/addition) with the aid of fingers, draws far better than her sister and knows 75% of letters. She can dress herself, wipe bottom, and organises her sister's shit (bag/snack/etc) when we drop her at school.

Emotionally she's still so young, and I have no idea how she'll get through the day.

School's guidance was dressing, toilet, cutlery and recognising their name is what they hope for, and anything else was a bonus!

And yes @troppibambini, reception teachers are legends! Ours has 30 4/5 year olds amazingly organising!

My ds will be 5 in June and his development is similar to your ds although he doesn't nap or sleep through the night . He has been in reception since September. I really wouldn't worry.

Hi. I have a dd similar age. She still has the odd accident, struggles to wipe bum, can just about pull up trousers but they are usually wonky. She’s very articulate, sociable, bright and keen to learn. I hadn’t even thought about her not being ready for school tbh. She doesn’t eat with cutlery! Now I’m a bit worried. Packed lunch at pre school is always finger food. Have a relative whose a reception teacher who says (echoing pps) that personal care and social skills are the important factors. Many parents will tell the teacher that their children can write their names and read and actually they’ve taught them all wrong ie. writing name in all caps and not learning phonics correctly so teacher has to start again from scratch. So I wouldn’t worry about those things.

At this time of year, I couldn’t see my Summer born boy being remotely ready for school. As it happens, there was a huge leap forwards in general maturity over the summer, and he lapped it up once he started.

He could talk for England and had a sophisticated vocabulary, but no reading or proper writing.

Was academically flying by Yr 2.

My summer born youngest couldn't write his name (his granny discovered this over Christmas after he started school and got him going on it!) and your drawing descriptions ring a bell. Reading clicked after that and he was away. Now a hugely academic teenager, grew early and I am so glad that he is young in his yeargroup!

My summer born DS started reception in September. This time last year he could recognise all the letters and could count to 100. He couldn't read, but could pick out the first letter of a word. He could dress himself and put on shoes. Toilet wise, he was still having accidents and I didn't teach him to wipe his bottom until last summer. (I think he does it OK now when I'm not around, but when I'm there he inevitably does a bad/lazy job and I have to do it for him.) He could write his name, but otherwise wasn't interested in writing or drawing until about a month before he started school. He didn't start holding a pen correctly until about that time either.

He has been doing well academically at school - reading really well (although comprehension quite poor) and good at maths and he seems to really enjoy learning it all. Socially he hasn't had a particularly easy time though. It took about 6 weeks for him to settle into school, and he still plays by himself a lot. This is partly his personality I think, but being summerborn doesn't help.

DS is a similar age.

He is not toilet trained and I honestly have o idea if he will be by September.
He can get shoes on and off, mostly, with reminders to use his hands not his feet!! Needs help with the bottom of the zip, coordinating his arms etc.

He can count to 21 without help and 30 with the numbers in front of him, recognises the most popular numbers, knows his shapes and colours.

Does the 10 second scribble drawing like yours and declares it done. Writing he just tends to do a line through and has to be really coached and cajoled to do otherwise.

ADORES books and being read to, recognises words like Wow and Splash! in the context of his favourite books, and can recite pages, insert the words I miss out both of books and our made up stories. Can sing nursery rhymes and tell me what happens in a few of their school books.

Good speech is poor, poor enunciation, very few vowels, even I can't always understand but his comprehension is further ahead though he can have poor attention and therefore stops listening.

I have been advised to NOT hold him back, that reception and nursery curriculum are basically the same and that he's cope in nursery.

Not had a read through the full post as I'm falling asleep but DS is 5 in June and going to school in August, my niece has just turned 4 in February and is also starting school in August. Both children can, reliably use the toilet but sometimes need help to wash hands. Dress themselves. Write their first names, follow simple instructions and count to around 8 without help. They are both have good language skills and my niece can even draw stick figures with faces (DS still hasn't mastered this)

Hi op, my youngest is now 8 and in year 3 but I clearly remember the meeting that we had with the reception class teacher before she started school.

It was all reception parents in the hall with the teacher and she was running through various things and mentioned what was expected of the children.

She basically said that the three most important things are being able to dress and undress, being able to go to the toilet independently and being able to eat with cutlery. Everything else could be taught.

It really stuck in my mind.

My dd could write her name and lots of other words but couldn't read. It took her until year one to move off red books and now in year 3 she is reading books geared towards children in year 5.
They are all so different! I thought dd would never be able to read. I know several of her friends had dummies too, others still napped until they started school.

I think it takes until the Christmas to settle in properly, to establish a great routine and to marvel at the progress made :)