Fed up of every day life

[Sinead1988]

Ive been really overwhelmed lately , I mean to the point I'm crying on and off some days . I just feel like every day is the same shit . I work two days a week and on those days it's like absolute hell trying to get three kids (7.4.1 years old ) to school , Creche and myself to work all at 9am . Then I come home and got a million house things to do . On my days off I am constantly cleaning and if I don't I come home to endless mess and cleaning , constantly cooking someone's always hungry and wants something . My baby is 12 months old and literally will not go down and moans all day long clinging on to me , he's been like this since birth !! My husband works all day and when he gets home to fair he helps with the kids but I fust feel like I'm cleaning up AGAIN for the 100th time until 10pm . I'm exhausted !!! I spend most mornings shouting at the kids to get ready and then feel so awful all day about it . Then up in the night with the baby . I just feel like I'm losing myself somewhere , sorry not much point to this post just a rant really . How do people keep their house clean all the time ??? Any tips 🤦‍♀️

Sounds hard with three young ones and working part time. What needs cleaning every day? Most people I know only clean each part of the house once a week. Could you buy yourself back some time that way? Or do you mean tidying and cleaning up DC's mess? That's harder - if that's the case can you get them to be involved in tidying up their own stuff?

I found that by trying to do as much as possible upstairs meant that downstairs generally stayed tidier which helped me. Like everyone dressed upstairs, all shoes upstairs. After dinner we went straight upstairs to relax instead of living room etc.

It meant that on those days I was off then the downstairs didn't need much tidying and meant I could relax with a cuppa and could tackle upstairs when I felt like it because only us could see it.

What is your clutter like, a good declutter always helps with general housekeeping day to day

I used to only clean the whole house on a Wednesday . But since having my youngest I just can't find time to properly do a good clean and so I'm just cleaning endlessly now , he is such hard work I'm hoping he will get easier . And it's pretty much cleaning Up after everyone all the time . I did have a meltdown last night as I was so overwhelmed , my husband wanted me to take my son to football at 4.30 , I only got home at 4pm from school run , was trying to make dinner while holding a moaning baby and please all the kids , get him dressed , sort cats out all in half hour , well I had a meltdown told him I can't do it so my son missed out . He felt bad bless him and got kids to hell and sorted dinner and cleaned up himself ( he never does any housework at all usually ) so hopefully he might realise I need more help , I just feel bad as he works 5 days a week x

I could write your post myself. I've 3 kids, 10m, 2 & 3 and it is bloody hard work. Constantly cleaning, tidying and trying to be organised. If not, everything's harder. Endless.

I read a study that suggests that mums with 3 kids were more stressed out than those with less or more than 3.

Sorry not so much of advice but more of I get it, and you're not alone.

Haha thanks !! Wine and cake definitely help ! Only saving grace , my baby goes to bed 6pm sharp and wakes once in the night and up at 7am so at least there's always that 😂😂

Stop trying to have a tidy house all the time!!!
Would be lovely, but your sanity is more important than a spotless house. IMO if you have some free time spend it doing something for you...read a book, have a bath whatever. I know it's easy to say these things and another to do them but it's so important!
You'll be no use to anyone if you have a breakdown.

Ah i have found my people!

I have 4dc - 2, 5, 9 and 11. Work part time. Oh and currently 15 weeks with dc5 and awful spd already.

House is a tip.

Constant stream of cooking cleaning washing shopping.

And yes. I am having another. It will only get worse....

Try not to put so much pressure on yourself. Slow down a bit. Do what is absolutely necessary the rest can wait. I know its easier said than done but you need to think of yourself too. You have a busy household with children and husband who love you and need you to be ok. So take a step back, let the house be a little untidy (you have 3 kids its allowed!) Have a proper heart to heart with your husband and really tell him how you feel. He might not realise how bad its gotten. That way you can maybe work together and lighten the load for you a bit. Just keep this little sentence in your head "is it completely necessary?" Or "Does this NEED done NOW?" If you and kids are happy clean and fed then you are doing amazing. And to me reading your post... You really are super mum and doing amazing. 😊😘

Can you afford a cleaned? If sounds like it will be worth it and far less stressful.

I only have one child but when I go back to work (3 days) we will be getting someone in to clean as she is just a very active baby and I can never get anything done with her around.

Thanks so much for all your lovely messages !!! I'm currently lying around in bed ignoring the house while my baby has his nap , I'm having a "bugger it " day for once 😅😂 !! But it's not a bad idea about a cleaner tbh ... even if I get one in for a few hours a week 😄 I didn't even think about that !! Or even someone just to do my ironing every week 🤷‍♀️ great advice thanks everyone x

Your baby sleeping so well is a huge positive, so focus on that. Agree, you need to become mess blind to some extent and let it go. Do you get everything sorted the night before ready for school? Have you tried batch cooking, so there are meals ready for the days you get in from work to avoid cooking from scratch and do you have a slow cooker?

Buy in any help that you can afford. A cleaner for a few hours a week. Maybe an extra day of half day at crèche for your youngest. Or a few hours with a babysitter even (if you live in an area with nannies/au pairs ask around).

Lower your standards. Stop ironing for a start!

Simplify storage/tidying so that the children can tidy up after themselves as much as possible. Get the children to do what they can to help. I think that's one of the things that's really worth fighting for, keep nagging, keep telling. Don't let them grow up thinking there is a magic tidying fairy.

Make sure you are eating properly and try and get enough sleep! If you don't feel better soon, go to see your GP.

I Def need to get the boys to help a little more even just putting their own clothes in the wash so that's a great idea . I do think it's the evening I find hardest ( apart from morning school run - I usually get their clothes ready might before but sometimes forget ) it's the evenings trying to cook meals which drives me crazy !!! Especially as my youngest is so clingy he won't let me cook , brilliant idea regarding a slow cooker , I'm going to order one now . And batch cooking - I just can't physically cooked when they are all home together , I just want to cry 😂🤦‍♀️😂

Have you told your DH how hard you're finding it? If he knows you're seriously unhappy he should step up and do some of the jobs. You are also working - difference is your job is 7 days a week and you don't get paid. My DH does very little housework but I feel ok about the balance we have (most of the time) and our DC have been relatively easy, but if I felt like you I'd make sure he knew about it. Make suggestions of a few jobs he could do rather than saying 'you never do anything'. Men like a specific challenge 🙄

When you batch cook, you are cooking double or triple the amount, then you freeze it, either in portions or individual trays. It will cut down on the amount of time you spend cooking and fuel costs, use this method for the days you are working, just make sure you take them out of the freezer that morning. The slow cooker, prepare ingredients the night before, switch on in the morning or even the night before. If ordering one make sure you get the large size and double up on all ingredients so you can freeze some for another day. Again, prepare all school stuff the night before, even your own work clothes. You will get there.

Thanks for the great tip regarding cooking , this is def a stress issue so hopefully by batch cooking etc it will help me a lot !!! I think this month is even more overwhelming as all three of the boys have birthdays within a week of each other so it's been non stop , just need to ride it out 🤦‍♀️ my husband knows how hard I'm finding it and he is great to be fair , but I'm a bit obsessive when it comes to having a clean house and he's complete opposite so it's hard for him to notice what needs doing and mess doesn't bother him enough for him to even notice to help today but on the other side I really need to lower my expectations after all I have three kids , working etc so I shouldn't be so hard on myself and at the end of the day does anyone really care if my house is a mess ?? I just need to remind myself these things x

It's not about you having higher standards than your husband when it comes to cleaning. The basics need doing so the house is suitable for the children to live in. It's not ok for your husband to "not see the mess". He needs to be equally responsible for the minimum standard.

What hours does he work?

1.you need to lower your expectations about the house. Clean doesn't mean doing the skirting boards with a toothbrush every week.

2.your husband needs to step up regardless of how many days he works or how awesome you think he is. He knows what needs doing,he just know you'll do it first. If anything make him a list of jobs that are his, so you have less things to worry about.

1. Get the older kids to step in as well. The 7 yo can tidy after himself,put dishes in the sink etc. The 4 yo can at least put his toys away.

1. Every now and then fuck the house (unless you have so many cockroaches the kids consider them pets) and do something for you..a bath,a book etc. Even better go out of the house so you don't get interrupted all the time just because you're there.

1. Do a list of daily basics,and do the bulk at the weekend when everyone can join in, or as a last resorr your husband can take the kids out so you can at least do it in peace.

Seriously buy £20 of cleaning a week you'll feel much better.

This is precicely why I work FT, despite having 2 under 3 and an older one. I would rather work and have a cleaner twice a week than be bored rigid at home cooking and sodding cleaning!!
DC2 gets some nursery funding now but when I went back after DC3 (when 9 months) I was barely making anything aftet nursery but it was worth it for my sanity and I am a better parent for it. Weekends are a joy and everyone is happier. Might be worth thinking about?

I have three kids similar in age to yours.

Honestly - three months ago I quit my job. I was stressed to the Max with a husband who does 50% of the housework and childcare when he is home but often works away.

I was making myself ill and felt I was failing at everything.

It has been such a relief. Friends and family members have commented about the change it has made in me.

You can do anything but not everything. Something has to give.

I'm lucky we can manage on one wage, but I can not recommend it highly enough!

My husband works 6.30am - 6pm ( he's a teacher but he commutes so some days he's home earlier than others depends on meetings etc ) I did consider giving up my job just until the baby is in full time school but we couldn't really afford it plus when I'm actually in work I enjoy it !! It's nice having some time away from the baby and have time to drink a cup of tea and speak to adults 😂 I go running three to four times a week so this is my " me time " . I just need to be more organised I think , and really sort this house out from scratch , I am so bad at putting things just anywhere so I do think I'm my worst enemy in a way .

I also have 3 and I also work ft.

Believe me, having a cleaner is the best thing ever. I would rather have no summer holiday, or go camping, in order to carry on affording it. It also helps to have quite low standards, so because of the weekly cleaner, I don't do any cleaning whatsoever apart from kitchen tidying after meals.

I seem to spend most of my life washing but that's a different thread!

Well I'm sold on a cleaner !! 😆😆