Lost temper with toddlers, feel awful

[NorthLondonmum83]

Mum to gorgeous 2 and 3 year old, currently about 8 weeks pregnant ( I know....not a recipe for an easy life...). Having a harder pregnancy than before - crazily tired and also have severe vomiting - none of this is any excuse at all but I've managed to really lost my temper and shout at the kids twice in 24 hours. I feel terrible as I believe in gentle parenting and I could see how upset they were to see me lose my temper ....I think that's what has really freaked me out is how angry I momentarily felt (refusal from both of them to do anything, anything I needed them to do including sleep - nothing unusual for toddlers). I feel terrible, as though I'd lost control and I just don't deserve them.
It's a hard week as my husband is travelling for work, I work too, I'm knackered - but it's no excuse and it's hardly going to get easier over the next 30 bloody weeks! So upset about losing my rag I feel I just can't move on...

Your situation sounds extremely difficult, two children under 4 and early pregnancy sickness. Also working and partner is away. Anyone would feel overwhelmed and becoming shouty often results. The pressure on you needs to be managed. You are only human. Can you go off sick?

Aw thanks Broken....maybe I'm just looking for someone to tell me I'm not a crap parent so that is hugely appreciated. Actually I run my own business and I'm lucky as I can work from home for the moment - that's massive I know, having had to commute when pregnant before which is so hard. But I guess I'm still not finding it super easy just now.

Oh Op that sounds so tough.
Morning sickness is bad enough, especially if you're working too. Factor in two other little people who don't want to play ball and it's no wonder you got a bit frustrated!!

Don't be too hard on yourself, the fact they looked shocked proves this is absolutely not your normal parenting style. They'll have forgotten all about it by now, I'm sure!

Don't beat yourself up over it. Toddlers can try the patience of a saint. They do it on purpose to see how far they can push you . I doubt there's any mother alive who hasn't lost her temper with the little angels from time to time.

Thanks all that's so helpful. I think I have a tendency to dwell on the things I don't do well, maybe slightly obsessively! I know we all do this but I can't help it - I have an idea of the kid of parent I want to be and when I screw it up by losing my temper I struggle to have perspective and instead start googling 'psychological damage caused to toddlers by shouting' when I should be resting. Or working. Ridiculous!! I think really loopy stuff like about how I don't deserve the children who are wonderful and I have friends struggling with fertility...I know it's bonkers, and not constructive, I can't help it.

You poor thing. I seem to recall totally losing my shit once or twice. It happens to the best of us. Don't be too hard on yourself. Give them a cuddle and make yourself a cup of tea.

I've been where you are. Pregnant with my 3rd, my others were 3 and 2. Dh was out of the house 7am to 7pm. I didn't work but we were in temporary accommodation in a grotty part of London where I had no friends or family, cold weather, so indoors too much. I didn't have the sickness you have, but I was mega tired every day and had to nap every afternoon even if I couldn't get the 2 and 3 year olds to nap. It was a struggle every single day. One afternoon, I came downstairs to find they had piled every single one of their toys into an armchair - big walker toys all the way down to individual pieces of duplo, and everything inbetween. All jumbled up. All needing sorting out. I was so angry and so at the end of my ability to cope, I could have almost contemplated violence, or walking out never to be seen again. I certainly yelled at them. I still remember their faces, initially so pleased with what they had done, then melting into fear as I went mental.

You know what? We laugh about that time now (kids all grown up). It is one of our favourite family moments to look back upon. I know that sounds hard to understand, but honestly, every hard moment does pass, and the passing of time gives you perspective. Just give yourself a break. You are under enough stress at the moment without adding to It by feeling guilty.